Friday, June 24, 2016

Brexit Velocity: Chaos Is Coming

Danville, Kentucky -- Every time a civilization reaches the pinnacle of its decadence, chaos strikes to restore balance to the universe. When a forest grows too wild, a purging fire is natural and inevitable. Folks, Trump is here to return America to its equilibrium. The billionaire classes have become ignorant and fat in their dotage, extravagantly feasting upon the lower classes with the help of politicians like Crooked Hillary. For centuries, good folks around the world have been suppressed and kept down by myths of opportunity propagated by aristocrats in their high, cold ivory towers. All that is about to change. The powerful will be ripped from their decadent nests, and cast out into the cold world that folks like me know and endure. The detached finance capitalists in Washington and Brussels now quiver in fear like convicts awaiting the guillotine in France circa 1972.

Folks, the United Kingdom just won a great victory in the battle against corrupt globalism. The hard-working battle-tested factory workers of Northern England have risen up against their elitist Londoner oppressors. It is a battle being played out in every corner of the globe. Across the Atlantic, Donald Trump is leading the battle against criminal establishment politicians like Little Marco and Lyin’ Ted. It is a battle we cannot afford to lose. All Hillary and her liberal globalist allies care about is money. America deserves a better class of criminal. And Trump is going to give it to us.

Every political order eventually disintegrates. The Roman Empire gave way to the Byzantine Empire which gave way to the Napoleonic Empire which gave way to the Galactic Empire. The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. Trump and his legion of globalization's victims are casting away the musty chains of history to usher in a new and more glorious political order than ever before.

Folks now warn of the Brexit causing a new recession. Folks warn it might cause disintegration of the European Union, a time-tested multilateral body forged from the ashes of a war-ridden continent. Folks, that’s the point. Folks like the Clintons and Dave Cameron are obsessed with “stability,” when often what’s needed is good-old-fashioned chaos. Trump knows this. Trump welcomes chaos. Chaos is good for business – ‘crisis’ is after-all a synonym for ‘opportunity.’ Trump knows this. The Brexit wasn’t just the greatest exercise in English self-determination since Susan Boyle won Britain’s Got Talent in 2009; it single-handedly turned Trump’s golf courses in Scotland into cash-machines thanks to a newly worthlessly British Pound (£).

Donald and his anti-globalist allies Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson are going to introduce a little anarchy: when you upset the established order, everything becomes chaos. He will take America back from the corrupt, the rich, and give it back to the people. The moment of truth now awaits. Those who might serve this noble cause must now step forward. Will America stick with the boring status quo, or will we vote for chaos and upheaval by electing Donald? Are we going to carpool in a minivan to work or try to hijack a rental car? Are we going to play it safe and order our fried chicken with parmesan garlic sauce, or risk our explosive intestinal pain by by doubling down on Blazin’ Wings?

The United Kingdom has spoken. Now it’s time for the United States to get on the Brexit ramp for chaos. Buckle up, folks. Take all the money out of your bank account and invest in gold bonds or stash it under your mattress. It's going to be a bumpy ride.