Thursday, November 19, 2015

Ban McDonald's: All Day Breakfast Lie

Danville, Kentucky- A man's word used to mean something. Well, at least mine did. I haven't had the best last quarter-century. My jobs have come and gone. Relationships that had promise sadly either ended before the Olive Garden stage, or in a blistering run of depression as unused Andre could only delay the melting or ice and my heart for so long.

My word was set to mean something to my nephew. After a string of job losses and failed opportunities to give him a new Aunt, I made him a promise. I promised him a breakfast that would make up for all my past faults.

Last Friday I screwed up again. I had a few too many bottles of Jim Beam fire and started spouting off about moonshine bubbles. Those circumstances left me unable to wake up in time to take my nephew to breakfast before school. I knew I had to keep my word though, so I sent him a text and prepared a way to rectify my wrong.

McDonald's was the answer. The wonderful franchise of the hamburger, double hamburger, McDouble and double quarter pounder had made the wisest move since Pat Buchanan fought against NAFTA. McDonald's announced all day breakfast.

I picked up my nephew during his lunch hour and told him we'd be getting breakfast. My nephew was overjoyed. I was set to keep my word. I drove past the pawn shops, rundown payday loan shops and somehow still open Blockbuster and pulled into the McDonald's.

My nephew's joy was quickly overtaken by the agony of defeat. My nephew began the order I've heard him make so many times, "I'll take 3 sausage biscuits." Then, the follies of American capitalism taught my nephew about the unrelenting despair life brings. "We don't offer that all day." Suddenly, I found out "all day breakfast," meant "screw you, Will Hart." My nephew wouldn't eat and watched with an empty look in his eyes as I ate my 20 count Chicken McNugget in silence.

Betrayal happens at moments we least expect. I should have known McDonald's would do this after they became a convenient excuse for my love to leave me. I should have known the fast food conglomerate that ran out mom and pop diners would run me out as a liar. I should have known they'd lie to the entire country by saying they'd have all day breakfast. But I keep going. Hope is not lost. The fight against Chipotle continues. The fight against McDonald's has just begun.