Wednesday, September 23, 2015

She Destroyed two Nerd Companies: Carly Fiorina for President

Danville, Kentucky- I've made a mistake. The words so many of my ex-wives have not had the courtesy to use when informing me of spiraling debt or my assumed child's paternity. Today I admit a mistake. Today I fix that mistake. Today I say: Carly Fiorina for President.

To understand why Fiorina, it's necessary for me to offer a few joyous words to the great Donald Trump. Mr. Trump has shown an astuteness in avoiding what pundits think is necessary. Mr. Trump has brilliantly avoided learning the names of Iranian leaders. I didn't know the names of any of my opponents in union league softball. It follows there's no need for my President to know the union league softball opponent of the world or Iran's generals.

I'm especially sad to no longer be supporting Trump because he's a great builder. Trump has built great buildings. Folks, people in Ivory Towers may call that a tautology. People in life call that the truth because it is the truth.

Yet, this era calls for a great destroyer. Enter Carly Fiorina. Ms. Fiorina's record at H.P. is a thing of wonder. Ms. Fiorina caused the loss of 10,000's of jobs. She destroyed the company's stock value. Most importantly, she didn't just ruin one computer company- she ruined two by merging with Compaq. The Head of the Yale Bussiness School went so far as to say she ran the companies into the ground. He's right.

HP and Compaq are evil. HP and Compaq allowed kids to grow up idolizing excel instead of working on the fastball. Too many young children focused on Diablo 2 and not playoff game 2.

Fiorina changed it all. Without so many engineers due to the company's need for massive layoffs of engineers, software and computer products became awful. Kids with HP's grew frustrated at excel and picked up the football. Parents that foolishly bought computer games gave their kids a present they could never play on such terrible hardware. Fiorina's company became the last great hope to not raise a nation of nerds or Nate Silver's.

Fiorina knew what she was doing. There's no way someone that ran two company's into the ground and actually tried to help the company would be polling in 2nd place. No, the people are smart. The people understand the best way to fight injustice is from the inside. The best way is Carly's way. Fiorina for President.