Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Make the First Lady Great Again: Why Melania Trump Will Change the World

Danville, Kentucky -- I've seen my fair share of divorces. I married my high school sweetheart, got divorced, then tried to marry her again. I took another wife, got divorced, then brawled with her new husband in the parking lot of an Applebee's. My would-be third wife left me -- at an Olive Garden. When I go to the polls this November, I'll be voting for America to divorce establishment politics.

Like a man who isn't willing to cut ties with an unfaithful wife, Americans have held out hope that the marriage between voters and the corrupt Washington Cartel can be salvaged. In fairness to the average American voter, these politicians really did sell themselves as good partners. They promised us the world: loyal service to their constituents, balanced budgets, economic growth, jobs, education, opportunity, and lower taxes. Like many divorces, these promises were broken and now America has to foot the bill and pay the alimony.

People stay in unhealthy relationships for many reasons. Some people stay together for the kids' sake. Some people stay together out of financial necessity. Some people stay together because they wrongly believe that their spouse will change. Sometimes they stay together because you're lazy and don't want to do the paperwork. Other times people stay together because you got hitched to a Filipino woman using an online wedding service, and you're not sure how to get divorced in a foreign language.

The American people are finally waking up to the reality of their failed marriage with the Washington Cartel. And they're angry. An uprising of irate blue-collar folk, betrayed by globalization and government, are registering their fury by sweeping Donald Trump to landslide victories in New Hampshire, South Carolina, and Nevada. Americans want a divorce from corrupt business-as-usual politics, and they want Donald Trump to serve the papers.

There isn't a better man for the job. Trump knows when to cut his losses and start anew. Some politicians are afraid to end marriages for PR reasons. Trump isn't. And because of Trump's willingness to divorce, America will soon have the greatest First Lady of all time: Melania Trump.

The American First Lady has declined in prestige.

Barbara Bush, the most Machiavellian mother to ever reside in 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, overshadowed her low-energy husband.

As First Lady, Clinton brought us Hillarycare and NAFTA. While in the White House, she made upheaval, scandal, and controversy the norm.

Laura Bush's husband, George, is the brother of Jeb Bush. I can think of no greater qualification short of Ted Cruz being a Canadian.

As First Lady, Michelle Obama has expanded the nanny state and tried to prevent America's youth from exercising their God-given right to eat junk food and not exercise.

Melania will change all this and restore honor to the office of American First Lady.

Melania has class. She has style and poise that America hasn't seen since the days of Jackie Kennedy, combined with the sensibility and discerning taste of Betty Ford and Nancy Reagan. Nancy was Reagan's second wife; The Great Communicator wasn't afraid to divorce, just like the Donald.

Establishment liberals and conservatives say Trump is racist and that his strict immigration policies will destroy America's moral authority in the world. Folks, Trump is not anti-immigrant. He's anti-illegal-job-stealing immigrant. Donald's marriage to Melania disproves the idea that Trump hates all non-Americans; it's not clear if she even speaks American.

As a LEGAL IMMIGRANT from Slovenia, she has made invaluable contributions to the American economy by appearing on fashion magazine covers and in medical insurance commercials. She has single-handedly stimulated New York's economy and created jobs by buying million-dollar cakes and hosting extravagant, lavish parties.

Our next First Lady is Marie Antoinette for a new generation. Melania isn't just a super-model. She's a role model for all American women and mothers. She will make the American First Lady great again.