Monday, November 7, 2016

Crooked NME Publishes Hit Piece on Me

Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, I woke up this morning still drunk. I over-slept and forget to take my nephew to school. My head still feels like a cinder-block, and I can't quite see straight. At about 11 AM, Danville time, I began to notice lots of twitter notifications on my phone. My mentions were filled with vicious attacks like this:

Folks, I haven't seen this many angry limeys since we put their empire out of business back in 1776. Maybe these folks are still salty that we had to bail their redcoat asses out in back-to-back World Wars. Maybe they're just upset at their own poor dental hygiene.

What's all the fuss about? This tweet of mine:

After groggily reaching for my phone this morning only to discover a stream of hateful tweets full of incomprehensible limey slang, I found this article.
The crooked NME (New Musical Express) alleged that I falsified images of a Trump rally by misrepresenting pictures of an Oasis concert.

Folks, the failing NME has no grounds to criticize me. These are the guys who regularly put androgynous degenerates like Morrissey, Jarvis Cocker, David Bowie, and Jack Lydon on their covers. They didn't disavow John Lennon after his blasphemous proclamation that his band was "Bigger than Jesus" in 1966. Now, they're using their considerable influence on social media to direct torrents of trolls at innocent Trump supporters like me. They're screaming that I'm a liar for all the internet to hear. The NME's megaphone must be taken away.

Folks, I stand by my tweet. My auto mechanic friend in Algona, Iowa -- a man I trust with both my Ford 1-50 truck and my life -- swears on his golden retriever's life that the pictures are from a Trump rally in Davenport this past summer. My buddy took the photos himself. I trust my buddy in Algona far more than a magazine that continually publishes glowing reviews of albums by metrosexual bands like Coldplay and Keane.

Thankfully, I will only have to endure this injustice for one more day. Come tomorrow, Trump will be president and the libel laws will be tightened. In Trump's America, awful journalism like the NME will no longer be tolerated.