Monday, February 29, 2016

Dump Trump: Why I'm Un-Enrolling from Donald

Danville, Kentucky -- I'm no stranger to disappointment. I was there when Goldwater's failure ushered in the Great Society in '64. I was there when the GM Plant was shuttered by NAFTA in '95. I was there in 2012 when the San Francisco Giants stole my city's last best hope at a World Series title in my lifetime. I am here now, at the moment when Donald Trump's betrayal of my Danville values is complete.

I'm the father of two wonderful young men. I want the country they inherit from me and my ex-wives to be stronger and better than the country I inherited from my parents.

Enter Donald Trump. The first politician since Jessie Ventura whose message resonated with folks like me. Trump wasn't afraid to be divorced. He wasn't afraid to talk about our country losing on trade, like the backstabbing Democrats who brought us NAFTA and the Romney Republicans who care more about wooing illegal immigrants than taking care of the unemployed and America's vets. Donald's America-first message has rung like a clarion call from sea to shining sea, from the coal country hills of West Virginia to the lead-filled water reservoirs of Flint. America was finally going to be great again.

Yet, how can America be great again when Trump can't even make vokda great again?

This past summer, I snatched up several bottles of Trump Vodka off Ebay using my son's debit card. I've been drinking bottles and bottles of the stuff for months, and I'm no closer to success than I was before. I'm still divorced and in debt, only now I smell like a cheap Manhattan cocktail lounge. Trump Vodka is not like moonshine bubbles, my own failed foray into  the alcohol business. Moonshine bubbles was an idea behind its time. Trump Vodka is an idea for a time when Americans aspire to be like Russians. What kind of successful American businessman fails at selling a Russian drink? Trump's line of vodka products was pitched to folks like me as "success distilled," when all it did was distill just what a failure Donald is. The failure of Trump Vodka has left my faith in Donald both shaken and stirred.

My faith in Donald might still be salvaged if it weren't for the unforgivable, Titanic-scale catastrophe of Trump University. Folks, college is a total scam. It's a place where liberals gather to make people that love America hate America or liberals. None of my buddies that went to college had any luck getting a job. Well, Trump University was set to be different. Young students and old students could gather and learn real estate. I finally had a school my son could learn something, unlike his preferred locations USC, Cal Berkeley and Stanford.

My son was also a star baseball player. I wanted him to go to a school where he'd be prepared for life with skills from a guy like Trump and get his jersey retired in a rented out storefront that once housed a Blockbuster and now housed my son's college. Or so I dreamed. In 2010 I put the finishing touches on my son's application. With the small five figure payment, my son was ready to begin his career at Trump University.

Enter betrayal. Trump University closed in 2010. I found out today my son doesn't have an actual degree from Trump University in Real Estate. My son couldn't even bother to go to class. It turns out he had been wasting his time at Stanford all along. He has a stats degree and supports Bernie Sanders now.

Why Donald? Why did you close down such a great school? I know you are telling the truth about the Better Business Bureau giving your wonderful school an "A" rating and not the "D-" the actual group claims your school received. I know the New York Attorney General is out to squash start up universities to protect the monopoly NYU, Syracuse, CUNY, SUNY, and the dozens of other schools in New York have in the market.

I want someone that doesn't give up on her projects. I would love to still have a Trump. I want someone that Donald Trump would date if they weren't his daughter. Hell, just give me who we all know Donald wants: Ivanka Trump for President.