Danville, Kentucky -- Here we are folks: the home stretch. 4th down. The bottom of the 9th inning. The sprint to the finish-line. Next Tuesday, Donald J. Trump will be the President of the United States.
Folks, one of the best foods in all the world is airport pizza. That's right, airport pizza. The kind they sell for $7 a slice after it's been sitting under a lamp for hours. The kind that's so greasy it makes you want to take a shower after you eat it. The kind of pizza with slippery cheese and sweaty little pockets of grease atop each pepperoni.
Folks, airport pizza thrives in pressure situations. When the bright spotlights and microwave beams come pressing down upon airport pizza, its deliciousness only increases. Folks, Hillary Clinton does not thrive in pressure situations. She's crumbling and hobbling to the finish line.
Here are the key indicators that lead me to predict a Trump win on Tuesday:
1) Halloween Masks
Enough said. I'll trust tried-and-trued indicators like this over Nate Silver's mathematical fairy tales any day.Halloween mask sales have predicted every Presidential winner since 1980. Right now, Trump masks lead Hillary by 30%.— Bill Mitchell (@mitchellvii) October 22, 2016
2) Facebook Activity
Trump is all the rage on social media, generating far more enthusiasm among internet users. This augurs well for his presidential run.
3) Landline voters
4) The Cleveland Indians Lost
The Cleveland Indians are still losers. This all but ensures that Trump will win Ohio and its 18 electoral votes. The people of Ohio have been kicked in the junk yet again by Hillary and her liberal North Side Cubs. Set aside the fact that Donald once tried to buy the Cleveland Indians and move the franchise to Tampa for just a minute. Nerd political scientists believe that Cleveland's defeat will sour Ohio voters' perception of their well-being, increasing their desire for a break from the corrupt Clinton status quo. That's a boon for Donald.
5) Trump Notched a Key Endorsement from Yuengling
You heard that right folks. The brewers of one of America's finest ales have finally raised their voice and picked a candidate. Most lovers of beer were already in the tank for Trump anyway, but this key endorsement will likely motivate high turnout among bar-goers everywhere. That's bad news for noted alcoholic Hillary Clinton.Thank you to Dick Yuengling for an amazing tour of the oldest brewery in the U.S! @Yuengling_Beer #PottsvillePA #MAGA pic.twitter.com/XrGVbbOiI3— Eric Trump (@EricTrump) October 24, 2016
6) Hillary Clinton is a Demon from Hell
7) My Own Data Suggests Trump Enthusiasm is Surging
Folks, everywhere I go I see higher enthusiasm for Donald than I do Crooked Hillary. There's way more Trump yard signs in Danville than Clinton signs, even accounting for the fact that my neighbor's punk kids keep stealing mine. But the true proof of Trump's surge comes for the "Honk for Trump" sign I installed near the road by my house. I can barely sleep anymore. All of hours of the day and night, people honk as they drive pass my sign to express their allegiance to Donald. Honks don't lie, folks!
ConclusionFolks, I stand by my predictions. Trump will win. It's simply the only conclusion one can draw if you take time to gauge the nation's feelings about this election. Elections aren't about numbers, or data, or polls-plus versus polls-only. They're about people. People voting. People need a reason to turn off their TV, drive to a nearby church, and cast their ballot. Trump is the only candidate who makes people want to get out of their bed in the morning and vote. Barring any fraud or rigging, Trump will be the next President of the United States.
The TWTW Election Model is based on anecdotes and interviews with 0 or more randomly chosen registered voters nationwide and was conducted under the direction of Will Hart. The survey includes results among roughly 3-6 likely voters from Danville, Kentucky.