808s and Will Hartbreak: The SHOCKING Truth Behind Kanye's Body Double

Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, I'm no fan of hip hop music. It's too commercial, too crass, and too full of synthesizers and artificial sound-effects these days. I like music that can be performed live by real people playing actual instruments, not music that can be played by pushing a button on a computer or by messing around on Garage Band. Folks, nobody embodies the decline of American popular music better than Kanye West. After Kanye's meteoric rise to fame some 13 years ago, he's since devolved into a crude caricature of himself, a circus act of tabloid rumors, egomania, and vulgar narcissism. Mr. West used to be a perfect American success story: a self-made man who rose from obscurity to become fabulously successful. Now, Kanye is a symbol of the decadence and dotage of America's upper class. But it wasn't always this way, folks.

Hillary Clinton's body double with Kanye's body double

I'm no fan of hip hop, but even I can admit there was some merit to Mr. West's first two albums, the College Dropout and Late Registration. Those albums had several songs that my nephew and his buddies would describe as "bangers." Only a fool would deny that Kanye has written many classics. Kanye was once an excellent songwriter and rapper because he drew upon the pre-existing canon of American soul and blues music and modernized it: bringing the American songbook into the 21st century with swagger and style.

Take "Gold Digger" for instance. In this song, Kanye sampled Ray Charles' jubilant rendition of "I Got A Woman," a song released in 1954 that I remember hearing on the radio back in the sixties while riding in my daddy's truck. Whenever I paid a visit to my local diner to grab a malted milkshake, I'd spend a nickel to put that song on the jukebox. Mr. West took Ray Charles' joyous celebration of the bliss of requited love, and turned into a scathing criticism of gender relations circa the new millennium. The pain of a woman trying to take all your money is something I, a thrice divorced man, know all to well. Kanye gave voice to my pain and the pain of many other folks, thanks to his uncanny ability to create new music while building upon all that came before him.

How did Kanye West, the man who expressed such raw, authentic anguish and frustration on songs like Gold Digger, end up selling out and collaborating with softie euro-junk bands like Coldplay? How did the man who wrote something as visceral and real as "All Falls Down" write something as unabashedly abstract, pretentious, and awful as 808s & Heartbreak, which sounds as though Kanye recorded it while singing through a tin can? Kanye used to be a man willing to speak truth to power, a man willing to drop bombs like "George Bush doesn't care about black people" to a national television audience. Now Kanye is just a fake. Literally.

The enigma that is Kanye West has puzzled me for years. But now we have an answer. Kanye sold out and became an awful songwriter because he quite literally lost touch with himself. Everything Kanye has done since Late Registration has not been Kanye. It's been a body double.

It makes too much sense, folks:

We know Kanye's wife Kim Kardashian has been using a body double since her kidnapping scare in Paris earlier this year. We've known for years that Kimye have even gone so far as to hire a body double for their child North in the interest of protecting her. But now, thanks to Mr. West's high-profile meeting with President-elect Donald Trump, we now have decisive visual proof that Kanye himself has been using a body double.

The real Kanye had a smaller head, different skin tone, different jawline, different eye shape, and different cheek structure than the imposter Kanye photographed with Mr. Trump several days ago. The dyed blonde hair of Kanye's double is a false flag, meant to draw attention away from the obviously different facial features.

THIS IS NOT KANYE WEST. THIS IS AN IMPOSTER! I refuse to believe. Look in those eyes, they're dead inside. BRING BACK KANYE!! pic.twitter.com/i3BlE0oW7B

— Zaddy. (@greythekid_) December 13, 2016

Let's take a second to do a deeper forensic analysis of Yeezy's facial features.

The proof is stunning and irrefutable. There's no doubt Kanye is using a body double. The mystery is why.

Kanye has flirted with a possible run at the presidency for quite a while now. We know the Democratic National Committee has mandated the use of body doubles for democratic presidential candidates in the past. Several months ago I laid out the iron-clad case behind Hillary Clinton's use of body doubles HERE. Hillary Clinton's body double served several purposes: having an imposter handy allowed the real Hillary to rest and recuperate from her numerous health issues while the clone flew around the country to appear in rallies. Having a body double also allowed real Hillary to court wealthy globalist foreign donors in secret while the faux-Hillary pretended to care about the American people by campaigning. The real Kanye may have quit music and decided to use a body double for similar reasons.

Here is the truth: sometime after the release of Late Registration (2005) and before the release of Graduation (2007), Kanye enlisted a doppleganger. This explains why Graduation, with its gaudy synthesizers and allusions to electronic house music, sounds so radically different from Kanye's first two albums. The real Kanye would have never made that terrible album or collaborated with Coldplay. The real Kanye also would've seen his planned tetralogy of education-themed studio albums through to its conclusion. Clone Kanye abandoned this plan and instead released albums that have nothing to do with college like 808s & Heartbreak and The Life of Pablo. What else can explain Kanye's musical U-turn over the past few years other than the fact that the real Kanye has gone the way of Jimmy Hoffa or Amelia Earhart, mysteriously vanished forever?

Donald Trump needs to watch out. I'm amazed that the secret service allowed him to meet with Kanye's double; there's no way the CIA and FBI aren't aware that Mr. West has been replaced by a body double. The democrats were likely using Kanye's body double to spy on Trump in hopes of providing sensitive information to democratic strategists. Kanye's body double may be planning to mount a presidential campaign in 2020 or 2024 to challenge Mr. Trump and the Republican Party. The House Benghazi Committee recently released its final conclusions and announced that it would be shut down soon. Now that Congressional Republicans will have a bunch of free time and money since Benghazi doesn't need investigating anymore, they should devote their attention to Kanye by launching a full Congressional inquiry into his use of body doubles, and possible ties to the Democratic Party. The truth must be revealed. Sometimes, the prettiest people do the ugliest things. The American people deserve to know why.