Showing posts with label Bernie Sanders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bernie Sanders. Show all posts

Saturday, December 31, 2016

TWTW's Packers vs. Lions Sunday Night Football Preview


Danville, Kentucky -- President Reagan once said "it is better to be respected than loved." This motto was the driving force behind his administration as he restored American moral authority worldwide and brought an end to the Cold War. Reagan's timeless adage is not only true in the realm of politics; it is also true on the gridiron. But respect is earned, not given. Like many men of my generation, I learned this lesson on the football field.


In my youth, football was the sport of choice for young Danville men during the brisk Kentucky fall. Every day after school we'd head to a patch of grass near an old, abandoned bottling factory and play two-hand touch football. As a 3rd grader, I fell in love with the game of football. I fell in love with the smell of dead leaves, the feel of slick mud and grass stains on my pants, and the touch of the leathery pigskin in my palms.

But there came a day when my gridiron utopia was assaulted. Some 5th graders showed up at our favorite playing spot near the long-closed bottling factory. They took over the field and imposed their own rules. The big kids didn't want to play two-hand touch. They played tackle football, a scary idea given the size and heft of some of these 5th graders. I could've backed down that day, and found some other place to play football with kids my own age, but I didn't.

Against my better judgement and my mom's pleas to not play such a violent and dangerous game, I began to play tackle football with the 5th graders. It didn't go well initially. The 5th graders wouldn't pass me the ball. When they did, I'd immediately get decked by kids twice my size. They seemed to enjoy beating up on me. We didn't wear helmets or pads, folks; each tackle meant a mouthful of earthy muck and unsightly bruises.

I remember the day I earned the respect of the 5th graders. It was winter of 1966. The ground was damp, and cold. We had already played three or four games of football that day, and everybody was more tired and worn-out than Megyn Kelly's sorry excuse for a prime-time news show. We agreed to play one last game that day before we would all head home for dinner. My team -- a rag-tag bunch of my fellow 3rd graders and a couple of 5th graders nice enough to join us -- had trailed most of the game but had an opportunity to head home on a high note. The game was tied. It was fourth down, and we were deep in enemy territory.

I was playing fullback, because I was one of the few kids big enough and wide enough to not get totally knocked around and brutalized by the 5th graders. Our quarterback called a fullback dive. He put the game in my hands. He had faith that I could punch the ball across the goal line to give our team the win. He believed in me. But he didn't respect me. Not yet.


On that fateful final play, I scored a touchdown, but not before getting mercilessly slammed into the ground. After emerging from the mangled pile of limbs in the end-zone, I had done it. I had EARNED the respect of the 5th graders. With blood trickling from my knees and dirty grass stains on my favorite Cleveland Browns shirt, a wry smile crept across my face as my teammates congratulated me. I felt a special type of satisfaction as I ate my mother's meatloaf that evening at dinner.

Lions vs. Packers: Pride and Respect On The Line

This Sunday night, the NFC North title is on the line. But respect is on the line as well. Folks, the Detroit Lions are on the cusp of finally earning the respect of the NFL's big kids; of graduating from two-hand touch to tackle football. Having endured decades of ridicule and derision from the NFL's talking head commentators, the Lions have a chance to silence their doubters and begin a new era of football in the Motor City. All they have to do is beat the Green Bay Packers and their immaculately photogenic quarterback, Aaron Rodgers.


Folks, it won't be an easy task. The Packers are a formidable opponent, and it's no secret that the NFL would rather have playoff games hosted in Lambeau than Ford Field. The NFL has a financial stake in continuing the Aaron Rodgers iron man narrative; he's one of the league's most recognizable faces and sells a ton of jerseys. Roger Goodell and company want Rodgers to succeed, and they're perfectly willing to stack the deck against the Lions do to so. The NFL hasn't hesitated to keep the Lions down in the past. The history of the Detroit Lions is a history of questionable calls against them.

Remember the 2014 playoffs, when the refs called pass interference on the Dallas Cowboys, only to pick up the flag?

Remember the no-call on Seattle's illegal bat last season?


Remember the phantom face-mask last year that set up an NFL-manufactured Packers comeback victory?


Folks, just a couple of weeks ago a referee admitted to improperly penalizing the Lions for an infraction committed by the Chicago Bears.

This is but a small taste of the daunting task before the Lions: not only do they have to defeat the NFL's golden boy Aaron Rodgers, they have to defeat the officiating crew, which is typically composed of a bunch of closet cheeseheads.


Lots of folks dismiss this line of argument as conspiracy theorizing. But rigging happens all the time. Wikileaks showed us that the democratic primary was rigged against Bernie Sanders. The NCAA playoff selection committee was rigged against Penn State. What makes people think the NFL doesn't also engage in rigging, especially with so much money on the line? It's naive to suggest otherwise.

PREDICTION

Fortunately, there may be hope for the Lions. Don't get me wrong. The Lions have their weaknesses. Their running game is weak. They are over-reliant on the passing game, and have struggled to score points in the red zone because they can't punch the ball across the goal line like I did back in '66.

But the Lions have several factors working in their favor. First, Wisconsin men are not men of their word. Aaron Rodgers promised that Green Bay would "run the table" in their final games of the season en-route to a playoff berth. Folks, I'm old enough to remember when Paul Ryan, a republican representative from Wisconsin and Speaker of the House, promised our nation Obamacare repeal, a restored economy, and high paying jobs. He's been the house speaker for a full year and we're still no closer to a return to small government principles. Men from Wisconsin often promise things they can't deliver, Rodgers is no different folks. The Packers may very well take this "L" like Paul Ryan has been taking Ls all year.


Second, the Lions have home-field advantage. Ford Field will be packed with tens of thousands of hungry Lions fans rooting for something that hasn't happened in Detroit for more than twenty years: a division championship. The Lions will be led by Matthew Stafford, an MVP candidate entering his prime. Folks, if I were a Lions fan (I'm not, I'm a Bengals fan wishing a blue collar team well from afar) I'd be encouraged by what I saw in the first half of their showdown in Dallas last week. Stafford looked like the best field-general I've seen since Douglas MacArthur. He orchestrated an excellent up-tempo, no-huddle offense that reminded me of the glory days of Jim Kelly's Buffalo Bills. Such an offensive assault may leave the defensively-challenged Packers in disarray.

That wasn't the only positive sign for the Lions last week. A legit running game option for Detroit emerged: Zach Zenner, an un-drafted free agent and former South Dakota State Jackrabbit. Folks, when I see Mr. Zenner pound the ball across the line of scrimmage, I see myself 50 years ago in that abandoned field back in Danville. This kid knows how to run. He's got more heart than all of Milwaukee. He may just help the Lions win their first division championship since 1993.

That's Zach Zenner in the thick of that dog-pile, being gritty as heck.
It won't be easy, folks. The deck is stacked against them. But the Lions might -- just might -- beat Green Bay tonight. With an NFC North title under their belt, the Lions will not only be beloved by their loyal fans: they will be respected by a league that was dead-set on their elimination.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

TWTW Election Model: Update 3


Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, the election appears to have stabilized. While many observers have described this election as unprecedentedly 'volatile' or 'unpredictable,' my own tried-and-true forecasting model shows a relatively firm and uneventful race. Trump maintains a solid advantage over Crooked Hillary Clinton, just as he did in my model's first forecast and its update a few days ago. It's enough to make a man yawn. If nothing major happens to shake up the raise, we could be in for a snoozer, folks. The fundamentals of this race still lean strongly in favor of Donald no matter what you see in a FiveThirtyEight post or CNN polls.

Here's a breakdown of all the continued good news we've seen for Trump in the last media cycle:


1) The exemplary Los Angeles Times poll shows Trump maintains a comfortable lead.



2) The democrats are getting desperate.

So desperate that they're now resorting to violence, as we have seen in North Carolina, a fantastic state that is home to my favorite Golden Corral buffet restaurant.
Clinton knows the democrats are doomed, and now they're doing everything they can to intimidate honest rank-and-file Republican voters.

3) Aaron Rodgers, handsome Quarterback of the Green Bay Packers, sucks.


credit: Mike De Sisti, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Last Sunday, the Packers just suffered an embarrassing 30-16 defeat at the hands of the Dallas Cowboys, Skip Bayless' favorite team. To add insult to injury, the loss occurred at Green Bay's Lambeau Field, a venue known for its massive home-field advantage. Rodgers has been the least accurate passer in football. He threw only 1 touchdown and gave up yet another interception. The home crowd booed him.
Folks, the people of Wisconsin are mad. That's bad news for establishment types like Wisconsin's own Paul Ryan and Hillary Clinton, and very good news for Mr. Trump. Putting Wisconsin in Trump's column further pads his electoral lead.

4) Trump just received a big endorsement from third party candidate Jill Stein.



Getting an endorsement from someone who is technically running against you is a big deal. Stein's blessing will go a long way towards helping Donald gain traction with disgruntled Bernie Sanders voters who can't bring themselves to vote for the woman who cheated Bernie out of the nomination. That will further tilt the race in Trump's direction.

5) Julian Assange, the man behind Wikileaks, has been assassinated.

Clinton has been getting absolutely bombarded with accusations of corruption since the latest round of revelations from Wikileaks.


Clinton couldn't bear another day of Trump pounding her in the polls - so Hillary does what she always does when backed into a corner. Just like she did with Ambassador Stevens, Vince Foster, Justice Antonin Scalia, and Arnold Palmer, Hillary obviously ordered a targeted killing of Assange. He has no doubt been exterminated by the Clinton crime syndicate with ruthless efficiency. We can only speculate about how angry Clinton must've been about her campaign's internal polling numbers for her to make this decision.

6) Curt Schilling has announced he intends to run for Senate in Massachusetts. 


What further evidence do you need that Trumpism is catching on? Schilling, a beloved Boston Red Sox legend, will no doubt be one of the falling pebbles that triggers an avalanche against the establishment. Trump has inspired a new wave of outsiders to take on the corrupt Washington cartel. The tide is turning against status quo politics. Look for a big Trump win in 2016 followed by the successful candidacies of Curt Schilling, Harold Reynolds, Goose Gossage, John Rocker, Dennis Rodman, and Clint Eastwood in 2020 and 2024. 

7. Sean Hannity's ratings are skyrocketing

Folks, Sean is one of the last good men on television. He's honest, frank, and never pulls any punches. He's also the only guy on TV without a vendetta against Donald. The fact that his ratings are doing so unbelievably well provides further evidence that America is ready for Trump.

8. Trump Crushed the Final Debate

Trump drove the nail into HRC's body double's coffin. All the best polls show viewers thought Trump won. Hillary was low energy and got caught in multiple lies, unlike cool, calm, collected, rational, and well-reasoned Donald.


CONCLUSION

The liberals in charge of crooked outlets like the New York Times and Saturday Night Live want you to look at cherry-picked numbers, like one single teency-weency poll showing Donald trailing by 11 points, or Donald's sky-high un-favorability numbers. By reducing the election to just a couple of numbers on a spreadsheet, these phony pundits miss the forest for the trees. The TWTW model takes a much more rigorous and holistic look at the fundamentals of the election. We leave no stone un-turned, analyzing a broad array of indicators like: sports trends, endorsements, chicken wing prices, and the overall 'mood' of the country. My much more objective analysis predicts a comfortable Trump victory over Crooked Hillary come November 8th.

The TWTW Election Model is based on anecdotes and interviews with 0 or more randomly chosen registered voters nationwide and was conducted under the direction of Will Hart. The survey includes results among roughly 3-6 likely voters from Danville, Kentucky.

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Make Debating Great Again: Why Donald Must Debate Bernie


Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, I was never on the debate team in high school. I was too busy throwing no-hitters for the Danville High Admirals and spitting game with the local lasses. But I don't need a fancy debating pedigree to know that Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders have a chance to make history. The 1858 debate between Abraham Lincoln and Stephen A. Douglas (not to be confused with Stephen A. Smith) was ground breaking, and spawned an entire format of debate that high schoolers participate in to this day -- or so I'm told at these parent-teacher conferences that I try my hardest to mentally check out of. Donald and Bernie recently expressed interest in a debate, but Donald has inexplicably backed out. A debate between Donald Trump and Marxist underdog candidate Bernie Sanders would be just as impactful and world-changing as the Lincoln-Douglas debates of old, if only Donald can muster the courage to go through with it.

A high-profile debate against the new face of the democratic party offers a golden opportunity for Donald to define key narratives of the general election. Aside from being an epic clash of worldviews -- between Donald's America-first nationalism and Bernie's beggars-first moocherism -- Trump has a chance to cogently lay out the case for why America must be made great again, by debating against one of the big-spending Senators responsible for America's decline.

Donald is a fighter. He's never let fear get the best of him before, expect when he dodged the draft and pretended to be his own publicist. When Donald is faced with adversity, he confronts it head on, then makes the problem go away with his considerable financial resources. If he's not a coward, Donald must debate Bernie. And he must make these points:

#1 Attack Hillary

Bernie has tons of momentum heading into the California primary, having recently won crucial states like Oregon and West Virginia, home of the once proud miners whose lives have been decimated by Hillary and Obama's war on coal. Bernie keeps on winning primaries. You won't hear it from the Clinton-funded establishment media, but the delegate race is tightening by the hour as Bernie continues to forment a revolution against NAFTA and rich people. Once the results of the rigged Nevada primary are invalidated via judicial decree, Bernie will have a commanding delegate lead heading to the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia. The super-delegate race is primed to flip in Bernie's favor as well. Bernie's opponent, crooked Hillary, will be indicted and imprisoned for emailing on the job any day now. Things are looking up for Bernie.

Nonetheless, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, George Soros, George Clooney and the liberal-democratic Illuminati will never let Sanders be the democratic nominee. The democratic nomination has been signed, sealed, and delivered to Crooked Hillary. Donald must remember that he is not running against Bernie Sanders, and keep his eye on the prize. Bernie has been too afraid to attack Hillary for emailing on the job, but Donald must stay on the attack.

#2 Emphasize Common Ground



Bernie and Donald have alot in common. They're both great family men. They're both men of the people. Both of them despise President Obama and seek to reverse his signature accomplishments. They both want to protect American workers like me and my Uncle Bert. They're the only two politicians willing to speak the truth about the horrors of NAFTA, the back-stabbing trade deal that brought us shuttered factories and buffalo wing inflation. Donald needs to make sure these commonalities are not lost on his audience. Fortunately, Donald is at his best when everyone on the stage agrees with him, as evidenced by his stirring debate performances throughout the Republican primary. Being able to emphasize areas of agreement between himself and Bernie will help Trump peel away disaffected Bernie Bros from Hillary in the general election, ensuring a Trump sweep of rustbelt swing states like Michigan, Ohio, and Pennsylvania.

#3 Insult Bernie


OK, folks. Everyone knows Donald and Bernie have some stuff in common, like great hair and yuge stage presence. But Donald needs to assert dominance. Nobody is watching presidential debates to learn about issues. Folks want to see fireworks and beat-downs you can usually only find on professional wrestling. Donald needs to do what he does best: don't worry about explaining policy details or ideological differences, just insult and belittle your opponent. Make fun of Bernie for only getting divorced once; real men have usually had three or four wives by the time they're Bernie's age. Make fun of Bernie for being poor and driving a normal car instead of flying around in Trump Force One. Mock Bernie's wife for not being as hot as Melania. This is the stuff presidents are made of.

#4 Insult Loser Republicans

Donald needs to realize Crooked Hillary is not his only enemy. The Bush-Romney-Ryan GOP establishment axis are already planning to blindside Donald by supporting an independent RINO candidate to destroy the Republican party from within and stop Trump.
Donald needs to use the debate stage to preempt the traitorous treachery of the GOP establishment that is hell-bent on stopping him at all costs. That means insulting loser Republicans, even if they aren't on stage. Call John McCain a weenie. Call Jeb low-energy. Rattle off some one-liners about Lyin' Ted, Awkward Mitt, and Little Marco, even though they dropped out of the race months ago. Nerds have questioned the wisdom of Donald randomly attacking members of his own party. Folks, these worry-warts have never run a smash-hit campaign like Donald or written a masterpiece like Art of the Deal. Donald became the Republican nominee because folks love it when he attacks Republicans. Worry about uniting the party latter. In the meantime, let the zingers fly.

#5 Suggest A Trump-Sanders Ticket 

Lyin' Ted and Kasich's futile attempt to team up and stop Trump was an abysmal failure, as was the #NeverTrump movement. But Donald has an opportunity to create a ticket that would be Crooked Hillary's worst nightmare: a Trump-Sanders duo that would sweep through the industrial Midwest en route to a historic victory. Such a ticket would divide the democratic party and doom Hillary, simultaneously saving America in the process.

CONCLUSION

A Trump-Sanders debate would be a massive cultural event. Normally you have to go to a New York deli to watch old bald men from Brooklyn and Queens yell at eachother. Only this argument isn't about Rye vs. Pumpernickel or Lox vs Pastrami; it's an argument about the fate of America itself.


Expect sky-high ratings. Expect wall-to-wall coverage. Expect me to get kicked out of Buffalo Wild Wings when the manager refuses to change the channel on one of their grotesquely large TVs to the Trump-Sanders debate, for fear of disrupting an ESPN-3 women's college softball game. Expect Crooked Hillary to quiver in fear. Expect the tradition of American political debates to be great again. Greater than ever before.