Trump's First 100 Days Agenda: Deport All Robots

Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, if there's one thing that liberals don't get, it's economics. That's because most of them have never owned a business or even held a job. In contrast, my family and I have years of experience working in many crucial industries. The Hart family has proudly labored in General Motors assembly plants, coal mines, oil drilling rigs, snow-plowing, and rubber manufacturing mills, to name a few. But one-by-one, all those industries have disappeared. Now I'm forced to blog about sports and politics to make ends meet.

For generations, good-paying jobs were abundant in this country. You could go as far in life as your ambition and determination took you. But lately quality, dignified jobs have hemorrhaged from America to foreign countries like Mexico, China, and Vietnam. These days, steady employment is harder to come by than an MLB player that knows how to bunt correctly.

Those of us on the front-lines of America's most productive industries -- energy production, heavy manufacturing, fast food -- know that the departure of blue-collar jobs is primarily due to several decades worth of awful, unfair trade deals like NAFTA and TPP. Lots of liberals on twitter like to accuse me of being a partisan hack just because I openly supported Donald Trump; but let me be the first to say that these awful trade deals are a bipartisan affair. They've been pushed and supported by both Democrats and Republicans alike. Reagan gave us the Canada–United States Free Trade Agreement. Bill Clinton gave us NAFTA. George W. Bush supported China’s entry into the World Trade Organization. And Obama gave us TPP. It takes two parties to tango, folks. We wouldn't be where we are without a bipartisan consensus in favor of hollowing out American industrial manufacturing.

But many economists won't own up to this. They like to create all kinds of far-fetched excuses for the outsourcing of American jobs. They blame these losses on the uncontrollable forces of globalization, the tax code, cheap labor in other countries, climate change, and even robots.

@NewellNYC @paulkrugman ~20% of manuf jobs since 2001 lost to China/EMs. Rest of 80% due to increases in productivity->mainly automation.

— Christopher Vecchio (@CVecchioFX) November 26, 2016

The long-term jobs killer is not China. It's automation. https://t.co/QbhCu2p5Fu pic.twitter.com/Dgvbd9IuAe

— The New York Times (@nytimes) December 21, 2016

Leave it to a bunch of ivory-tower computer geeks to totally misdiagnose the problems that America's manufacturing sector is facing.

A debate about the true causes of the decline of American manufacturing is healthy. The problem is, these bogus arguments that automation is the primary cause of industrial job losses get used to justify the status quo. Whenever a tough guy like Trump comes around -- who breaks from the bipartisan establishment consensus in favor of job-killing trade deals and speaks out in favor of re-making the rigged global trading system -- he gets hailed with a chorus of jeers from egghead academics who claim that the true cause of job losses is advances in automation technology that render humans expendable.

Folks, it's not an either/or, forced choice. The U.S. government should take actions to address the multiple economic factors that have contributed to the decline of good-paying jobs. Trump has proposed a highly detailed program of reforms that would accomplish precisely that. Trump should move forward with that program. He should build the wall. He should slap tariffs on companies that ship jobs overseas. He should re-negotiate awful deals like NAFTA. He should hold China's feet to the fire so they stop manipulating their currency and dumping their cheap products everywhere.

He should also deport robots.

Trump has already promised to deport all 11 million illegal immigrants currently residing in the United States in violation of our immigration laws. While he's at it, he should round up job-stealing automatons as well. Paul Krugman and the gang are wrong to say that automation is the primary driver of American job losses; the distinguished title of "biggest job-killer" still belongs with NAFTA, my friends. Nonetheless, they have a point. Robots have stolen plenty of jobs from hard-working Americans. They've stolen factory jobs. They've stolen cashier jobs at fast food restaurants. Combat drones have even stolen jobs from our soldiers, folks. That's why I'm proposing a complete and total ban on job-stealing robots. I urge President-elect Donald Trump to vigorously pursue this policy during his first 100 days in office.

The benefits of an aggressive robot deportation policy would be plentiful. First and foremost, deporting robots would bring back lost jobs, causing millions of down-on-their-luck Americans to re-enter the workforce so they can provide for their families and put Spinach & Artichoke Dip on the table.

Once touch-screen ordering machines are tossed out of the country, teenagers will return to work as cashiers in our nation's multi-billion dollar fast-food industry, learning the importance of hard work and proper facial hygiene in the process. Once those creepy claw-machine things are left for dead on the Mexican border, the assembly lines of our nation's automobile, steel, rubber, and textile factories will once more be operated by flesh-and-blood humans. When you call your credit card company to complain that someone in Hungary has stolen your identity and is fraudulently purchasing sewing machines in your name, you'll speak to a human being and not a pre-recorded robot voice. Hundreds of industriousness people around our good country will find employment providing family-friendly live entertainment and music at Chuck E. Cheese's restaurants once those automated performers they've used in the past are efficiently and humanely expelled from the United States.

The benefits of my robot deportation proposal don't stop there. It's not enough to bring back the jobs of yesterday; Trump must also help create the jobs of tomorrow. A robust robot deportation program can help there too. My robot deportation policy would create millions of new high-paying jobs in the police force. Kicking out every last robot will require a lot of manpower, especially since we can't use robots to do it (we don't want this to turn out like Robocop, folks). Pursuing a policy to deport all robots will instantly create demand for skilled workers capable of apprehending, de-programming, and destroying these robots while also suppressing any uprisings if necessary. It's a win-win for the whole economy!

I'm tired of being told by liberals that I lost my job as a factory worker because my skill-set is outdated and irrelevant in a high-technology society. That's just false. It's not my fault they didn't teach software programming at Danville High in 1972. We didn't even have software back then, folks. I'm smart enough and hard-working enough that I could get a high-tech job if I wanted. I'd just rather work at a job where I have to get dirt under my fingernails than some job where I have to push pencils and sit in a cubicle all day. There's no dignity in working for a software firm or a tech start-up and staring at a computer all day, folks. That's why millions of hard-working blue-collar Americans voted for Trump in droves this past November. We want the pride and dignity that comes with CREATING and BUILDING things. It's time for Trump to make good on his promises and bring back the glory days of American industry. Deport all robots. Make America Human Again, Donald.

Newt's A Hoot: Gingrich for V.P.

Danville, Kentucky - Folks, the 2016 presidential race is nearing a turning point. I, Will Hart, am ready to announce that Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House and long-time representative from Georgia, has been chosen to be Donald Trump's running mate. I have received confirmation of this from a trusted source in Pooler, Georgia who has deep links the Georgia Republican Party and the Gingrich family. The mainstream Obamedia is afraid to break this story -- it might be a few weeks before CNN wake up to smell the McDonald's-brand coffee, but I'm ready to declare what the rest of the world will soon know to be true: Newt Gingrich will be the next Vice President of the United States.

Why has Trump chosen Gingrich? My trusted source was kind enough to fill me in on Donald's thought process. Here is Donald's rationale for selecting Newt to be the VP:

Newt Can Beat the Clintons

The nineties were a hell of a time to be alive, at least before they got ruined by grunge music and NAFTA. The awesomeness of the 1990s owed alot to Mr. Gingrich and his ability to score victory after victory against the nefarious Clinton administration. Newt's Contract with America was one of America's greatest victories in the late 20th century. Thanks to Newt and his Republican allies in Congress, federal overreach was stopped not one, not two, but three times, via multiple government shutdowns.

Newt is the Only Man Who Can Stop NAFTA

The NAFTA signing

Donald is riding a wave of protectionist, anti-globalist, anti-free trade sentiment straight to DC, and Newt is about to hop along for the ride. In fact, Newt is the only man available who can help Donald stop the globalists and protect American workers from the evils of NAFTA and TPP. Folks, Gingrich approved and voted for NAFTA. Newt understands the grimy details and inner-workings of this monstrous trade deal. He helped get it passed in Congress. Now, Newt, with his political saavy and legendary arm-twisting abilities, can help abolish NAFTA once and for all. The continued survival of our republic demands no less.

Newt and Donald Are Kindred Spirits

Newt is the perfect complement to Donald; the ranch dressing to Donald's buffalo wing. Like Donald and myself, Newt isn't afraid to hold out for true love: he's been divorced twice and married three times. Like Donald, Newt isn't afraid to be politically incorrect: he once called Obama "the food stamp President" and also called Spanish the "the language of living in a ghetto." Folks, Trump's campaign is all about dominating the 24-hour media cycle. That's why he's always saying outrageous things about federal judges and Megyn Kelly. With Newt Gingrich's loose lips on his side, Donald will ensure continued dominance in media coverage.

Newt is also unafraid to take on the media. Before a South Carolina debate on the Clinton News Network, or what the media calls CNN, Gingrich was asked if he wanted to comment on having an open marriage. Newt refused. The people of South Carolina gave him a big win. Newt refused to talk about irrelevant things, Hillary was busy emailing about irrelevant things, or at least I have to assume so, she deleted her emails.

A Needed Historian

This is a time where we cannot forgot our history. While Clinton tries to rewrite her tenure to exclude Whitewater, Newt cared so little about tenure he didn't even receive it at West Georgia University. But the decision of a liberal school didn't stop Newt. He went on to be a noted historian at Fannie Mac. Sure, the economy collapsed and Fannie has a role, but Benghazi collapsed and Clinton was the role. I can forgive Newt for working for Fannie Mae, I can't forgive Hillary for not working for Ambassador Stevens.

CONCLUSION

Newt and Don are a match made in heaven, like my first wife and I or the new Strawberry-Siracha wings at Buffalo Wild Wings.

It is my pleasure to formally announce that Newt has been selected to be Donald's running mate. With any luck, America will be great again. Have a wonderful 4th of July, folks.

Sins of the Father: The Avila Story

Danville, Kentucky -- They say a man spends his entire life fighting for the approval of his father. As boys, we spend our childhood in the symbolic shadow of an elusive paternal figure, eager to emulate his strengths and learn from his failings. My own father was a great man. He introduced me to baseball, hunting, and sweet Kentucky bourbon. I remember spending sticky, sunburnt days with him at the old Crosley Field, marveling at the prowess of greats like ace Jimmy Maloney and the slick-fielding Woody Woodward, the Tyler Saladino of his time. The ballpark experience was different then. In the era before the price-inflating effects of NAFTA, hot dogs cost less than a buck a pop, a bargain for working families like my own. My dad was my hero. He taught me the value of teamwork, playing the game the right way, always hustling down the line, and pitching to contact and the score. Lessons that would see me through many hardships.

Yet, Ezekiel 18:19 tells us that the son bears the iniquities of the father, and indeed, I still carry the burden of my father's shortcomings. 1972 was a time for choosing; between the steely resolve of Nixon and the untested grassroots hucksterism of George McGovern. McGovern's naivete and glossy-eyed idealism would've been disastrous to a country in the midst of a Cold War against the cruel and failed ideology of communism. At a time when America was waging war against the enemies of freedom around the world, George McGovern proposed slashing the defense budget and pronounced: "Come home, America." McGovern's sunny disposition was simply anachronistic at a time when democracy was under siege and dominoes were primed to fall. He hoodwinked otherwise noble men like my father by promising a grossly expanded welfare state and government hand-outs. My father and I had much in common. We loved utility infielders, sacrifice bunting, frankfurters, and the smell of gun-powder after firing a hunting rifle in the Kentucky backwoods. But our differences had become irreconcilable. Drawn to the siren song of socialism like a moth to a flame, my father voted for McGovern at a time when our country needed Dick Nixon. We have spoken to each other only grudgingly since.

Alex Avila is another man suffering for the sins of his father. Alex was a cornerstone player on the 2011-2014 Detroit Tigers teams that won the AL Central Division four times in a row and were perennial World Series contenders. He deserves credit for the Cy Young studded pitching staffs of these teams. He provided veteran leadership behind the dish and cerebral game-calling prowess for a pitching staff filled with excellent hurlers like Justin Verlander, Max Scherzer, Rick Porcello, and Drew Smyly. On a team of free-swingers, Alex showed sturdy plate discipline and patience. In his absence, the 2016 Tigers have struggled to generate consistent production from the catcher position.

Why then, did the Tigers let Mr. Avila walk, only to watch him sign a reasonable contract with the division rival Chicago White Sox? Like myself back in 1972, Alex was betrayed by his father: Al Avila, general manager of the Tigers. Fearing accusations of nepotism, Avila Sr. parted ways with his own son in a cruel and callous fashion. A family reunion of sorts will take place this weekend, as the White Sox visit the Tigers for a three game series. It will be hard for Alex Avila, upon his return to Comerica Park, not to reminisce on the feelings of pain and rejection inflicted by his own father last offseason.

Alex has been a blessing to the 2016 White Sox; in a clubhouse shaken by the sudden absence of Drake LaRoche, Avila has been an achor of stability and reliability. His pre-existing friendship with former-Tigers Austin Jackson and Avisail Garcia has been a boon to the team's chemistry.

He has helped studs like Chris Sale and Jose Quintana achieve their God-given potential with his superb game-calling skills. Yet, Alex can't help but feel dissatisfied, as he still bleeds, hurts, and fights for the approval of his father. For the White Sox to truly scale the peaks of baseball glory, Alex must forgive the sins of his father. A man cannot thrive in the present while dwelling on the follies of the past. For Alex Avila, the dream of reconciliation with his father must be superseded by the dream of a World Series championship.

Make Debating Great Again: Why Donald Must Debate Bernie

Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, I was never on the debate team in high school. I was too busy throwing no-hitters for the Danville High Admirals and spitting game with the local lasses. But I don't need a fancy debating pedigree to know that Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders have a chance to make history. The 1858 debate between Abraham Lincoln and Stephen A. Douglas (not to be confused with Stephen A. Smith) was ground breaking, and spawned an entire format of debate that high schoolers participate in to this day -- or so I'm told at these parent-teacher conferences that I try my hardest to mentally check out of. Donald and Bernie recently expressed interest in a debate, but Donald has inexplicably backed out. A debate between Donald Trump and Marxist underdog candidate Bernie Sanders would be just as impactful and world-changing as the Lincoln-Douglas debates of old, if only Donald can muster the courage to go through with it.

A high-profile debate against the new face of the democratic party offers a golden opportunity for Donald to define key narratives of the general election. Aside from being an epic clash of worldviews -- between Donald's America-first nationalism and Bernie's beggars-first moocherism -- Trump has a chance to cogently lay out the case for why America must be made great again, by debating against one of the big-spending Senators responsible for America's decline.

Donald is a fighter. He's never let fear get the best of him before, expect when he dodged the draft and pretended to be his own publicist. When Donald is faced with adversity, he confronts it head on, then makes the problem go away with his considerable financial resources. If he's not a coward, Donald must debate Bernie. And he must make these points:

#1 Attack Hillary

Bernie has tons of momentum heading into the California primary, having recently won crucial states like Oregon and West Virginia, home of the once proud miners whose lives have been decimated by Hillary and Obama's war on coal. Bernie keeps on winning primaries. You won't hear it from the Clinton-funded establishment media, but the delegate race is tightening by the hour as Bernie continues to forment a revolution against NAFTA and rich people. Once the results of the rigged Nevada primary are invalidated via judicial decree, Bernie will have a commanding delegate lead heading to the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia. The super-delegate race is primed to flip in Bernie's favor as well. Bernie's opponent, crooked Hillary, will be indicted and imprisoned for emailing on the job any day now. Things are looking up for Bernie.

Nonetheless, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, George Soros, George Clooney and the liberal-democratic Illuminati will never let Sanders be the democratic nominee. The democratic nomination has been signed, sealed, and delivered to Crooked Hillary. Donald must remember that he is not running against Bernie Sanders, and keep his eye on the prize. Bernie has been too afraid to attack Hillary for emailing on the job, but Donald must stay on the attack.

#2 Emphasize Common Ground

Bernie and Donald have alot in common. They're both great family men. They're both men of the people. Both of them despise President Obama and seek to reverse his signature accomplishments. They both want to protect American workers like me and my Uncle Bert. They're the only two politicians willing to speak the truth about the horrors of NAFTA, the back-stabbing trade deal that brought us shuttered factories and buffalo wing inflation. Donald needs to make sure these commonalities are not lost on his audience. Fortunately, Donald is at his best when everyone on the stage agrees with him, as evidenced by his stirring debate performances throughout the Republican primary. Being able to emphasize areas of agreement between himself and Bernie will help Trump peel away disaffected Bernie Bros from Hillary in the general election, ensuring a Trump sweep of rustbelt swing states like Michigan, Ohio, and Pennsylvania.

#3 Insult Bernie

OK, folks. Everyone knows Donald and Bernie have some stuff in common, like great hair and yuge stage presence. But Donald needs to assert dominance. Nobody is watching presidential debates to learn about issues. Folks want to see fireworks and beat-downs you can usually only find on professional wrestling. Donald needs to do what he does best: don't worry about explaining policy details or ideological differences, just insult and belittle your opponent. Make fun of Bernie for only getting divorced once; real men have usually had three or four wives by the time they're Bernie's age. Make fun of Bernie for being poor and driving a normal car instead of flying around in Trump Force One. Mock Bernie's wife for not being as hot as Melania. This is the stuff presidents are made of.

#4 Insult Loser Republicans

Donald needs to realize Crooked Hillary is not his only enemy. The Bush-Romney-Ryan GOP establishment axis are already planning to blindside Donald by supporting an independent RINO candidate to destroy the Republican party from within and stop Trump.

Just a heads up over this holiday weekend: There will be an independent candidate--an impressive one, with a strong team and a real chance.

— Bill Kristol (@BillKristol) May 29, 2016

Donald needs to use the debate stage to preempt the traitorous treachery of the GOP establishment that is hell-bent on stopping him at all costs. That means insulting loser Republicans, even if they aren't on stage. Call John McCain a weenie. Call Jeb low-energy. Rattle off some one-liners about Lyin' Ted, Awkward Mitt, and Little Marco, even though they dropped out of the race months ago. Nerds have questioned the wisdom of Donald randomly attacking members of his own party. Folks, these worry-warts have never run a smash-hit campaign like Donald or written a masterpiece like Art of the Deal. Donald became the Republican nominee because folks love it when he attacks Republicans. Worry about uniting the party latter. In the meantime, let the zingers fly.

#5 Suggest A Trump-Sanders Ticket 

Lyin' Ted and Kasich's futile attempt to team up and stop Trump was an abysmal failure, as was the #NeverTrump movement. But Donald has an opportunity to create a ticket that would be Crooked Hillary's worst nightmare: a Trump-Sanders duo that would sweep through the industrial Midwest en route to a historic victory. Such a ticket would divide the democratic party and doom Hillary, simultaneously saving America in the process.

CONCLUSION

A Trump-Sanders debate would be a massive cultural event. Normally you have to go to a New York deli to watch old bald men from Brooklyn and Queens yell at eachother. Only this argument isn't about Rye vs. Pumpernickel or Lox vs Pastrami; it's an argument about the fate of America itself.

Expect sky-high ratings. Expect wall-to-wall coverage. Expect me to get kicked out of Buffalo Wild Wings when the manager refuses to change the channel on one of their grotesquely large TVs to the Trump-Sanders debate, for fear of disrupting an ESPN-3 women's college softball game. Expect Crooked Hillary to quiver in fear. Expect the tradition of American political debates to be great again. Greater than ever before.

Clay Buchholz Must Stay

Danville, Kentucky -- 1995 was a dark year, for those of us who spend our days on the assembly line with the thick smog of industrial chemicals heavy in the air and spend our nights numbing our aching bones with alcohol and trans-fat. The details are grainy to me, but it was several months after the passage of NAFTA and decimation of my local GM plant, which had long been a source of gainful employment to the Danville greater area. I was trying to pick up the pieces of a life that had been all but destroyed by the forces of globalization and cheap foreign competition. Work was hard to come by, but I eventually found meager wages serving as a shelve-stocker at Home Depot.

With my income halved by a recent divorce, I was forced to sell my house and relocate to a dingy apartment in a student ghetto near Lexington. When Home Depot fired me in cruel fashion for drinking on the job and smelling like Hot Pockets, the true bleakness of my situation became apparent. Before long, the electric company shut off my power. Only then did I truly despair, persisting on a diet of unheated cans of Chef Boyardee ravioli. I remember those nights all too well; sitting alone in the cold darkness, with everything silent save the lonely clinking sound of my spoon against the greasy tin can. 

As I ingested tin can after tin can of faux-Italian children's food, served as cold as the Kentucky Winter, I remembered everything I still had to be thankful for. I had a loving nephew, and a loyal Basset Hound. I found comfort in the knowledge that those who truly mattered to me would not judge me by my worst moments.

If only the Boston Red Sox had learned that basic life lesson: don't judge people when they're at their worst. Folks, it's hard to deny Clay Buchholz has been disappointing to the Sox this season. The 2-5 win/loss record doesn't lie. He's giving up dingers at an alarming rate; Clay Buchholz has bled home runs like my eyes bleed at the thought of giving into the new liberal trend of watching foreign soccer games. But let's not judge Clay when he's at his worst. He deserves the benefit of the doubt, being the longest tenured member of Boston's rotation, filled as it is with mercenaries like David Price and Rick Porcello. 

Clay has served the Boston Red Sox well, and will continue to do so in the future. He was a core piece of the 2013 championship team, and remains vital to the team's championship hopes in 2016. Have the good (and not so good) people of New England forgotten the 3 playoff wins started by Clay during the team's magical 2013 playoff run, which culminated in a World Series victory? Clay hasn't. Clay once made the Boston Red Sox great. Clay is now working to Make America Great Again. Buchholz, one of the few baseball players (other than hero Curt Schilling) bold enough to speak their mind in the face of liberal PC-culture, is an unapologetic Donald Trump supporter. It's no surprise that a winner like Clay supports a winner like Donald. Moreover, Clay's willingness to buck the liberal consensus speaks to his integrity and character. How many guys in the Boston clubhouse have the guts to come out and say they like Trump? David Price -- who unlike Clay has never won a playoff game -- doesn't. David Price only cares about endearing himself to the Boston media, intimidated by playing in a big market for the first time ever. 

@DAVIDprice24 David, it's better to be respected than to be loved.

— The Will To Win (@TWTWsports) April 22, 2016

Clay doesn't care about being loved. He wants to be respected. He tells it like it is. The cold canned ravioli I ate in the Winter of '95 can never be undone, but thanks to people like Clay, President Trump may one day heal the wounds of NAFTA.

It is beyond foolish to move Buchholz to the bullpen or DFA him. He has shown flashes of his old self and just needs time to rediscover the art of pitching. The Red Sox will regret letting the inexperienced Eduardo Rodriguez into the rotation at the expense of playoff-proven veteran Clay Buchholz. They will similarly come to rue the knuckballer experiment as well. After all Clay Buchholz has done for Boston and for America, he deserves a spot in the rotation. Don't judge him by his worst, Boston.

Bench Steph Curry

Danville, Kentucky - They told me I was about to have a slice of pizza that would change my life. I know that was possible. I remember the first time I had a pan pizza from Pizza Hut. The overwhelming crust paired with the  perfect pepperoni to change my belief that hope was not lost. It secured my unending belief that the best pizza in New York could not compare to the pizza one could find in literally any kind of mid-size town in America.

Papa Murphy's is a prelude to the fall of the West. I went to the Papa Murphy's and ordered a pepperoni pizza. A young jokster behind the register handed me a frozen pizza. Wholesome humor was alive in America, I thought. This restaurant could be even better than the Hut. Not since my support of Hubert Humphrey in 1968 was I so wrong.

Papa Murphy's does not cook their pizza. They hand you a slab of frozen pizza and expect you to go home and cook it. I felt embarrassed. Was I the only person without a pizza oven in America? Why was this location charging me the same price for a non-cooked pizza as any other pizza locale would to actually cook the pizza and pay for the cost of an oven? Would my children think me a fool for using so many rhetorical questions in a row? All evils created by Papa Murphy's. I left in anger. Hopeful for the respite of Chick Fil A, I quickly realized it was Sunday. Another night at the Chili's it was. Another night of great food guaranteed.

The 2016 Warriors are a lot like Papa Murphy's. They suck. Sure, the skeptics would say, "Will, have you had a few too many rounds of Chilis' delicious queso and tequila?" Yes, but that has nothing to with reason and everything to do with proper taste. Proper taste tells me the Warriors are not doing well. They've lost home games to the Celtics and have even lost to a Rockets team whose desperate prayers to end the season are met with a laugh from a God who has long ago forsaken them.

James Harden once again getting wrecked by the Based God

The Warriors have a choice to make: continue down the path of defeat or make the change they need. It's time to bench Steph Curry. Steph is a good man. He plays hard and is twice the father with a fourth the marriages I am.

— Andre Iguodala (@andre) September 22, 2014

[Andre Iguodala quoting noted conservative scholar Thomas Sowell]

Steph is too focused on winning the MVP award and getting his own shot. Other than his scores of assists a game and gaudy plus/minus numbers, he does little for his own teammates. Just look at game 4. They won without Steph. The Warriors shot what seems unsustainable against the Rockets, but the post-American era of World War II once seemed unsustainable in the face of defeat after defeat from the forces of Marxists. Yet, the hope was not lost. The fight was not over. America went on to win the Cold War because it focused on being the best America it could be. The Warriors need to focus on being the best Warriors they can be.

Steph has also politicized the Warriors. Mr. Curry now appears in ads with the Obama White House. The same White House that passed Obamacare. When conservatives like Andre Iguodala take the Court, they need a non-partisan leader. I mean, who has any clue what Shaun Livingston thinks about NAFTA? I do. I know a veteran blue collar player like Livingston understands we're losing jobs because of NAFTA. Livingston is the man to lead Golden State and right the lost chemistry of a once proud team. 

The path of the present does not lock us into the future of failure. The Warriors and America can do better. Honestly, if America would just stop eating at Papa Murphy's, I wouldn't give a damn if Steph Curry played or not. But since this country will continue to eat at Papa Murphy's, let's just hope the Warriors play a veteran. 

Why Cruz Must Lose: The Real Story of Rafael Cruz's Involvement in the JFK Killing that the Media Doesn't Want You to Know

Danville, Kentucky -- The election of 2016 represents a turning point for our nation. America can reject business as usual corrupt politicking by voting in Donald -- or America can continue electing and re-electing the same politicians who have been destroying our country for years.

No politician better fits this description than Lyin' Canada Ted Cruz. I was criticizing Cruz way before the lamestream media realized the depth of his lies and deceit. Mr. Cruz talks a big game about being anti-establishment, but his credentials are dubious. Cruz is one of the architects of the globalist job-killing Obamatrade, NAFTA, and TPP agenda. Ted, who has deep connections to the political establishment, is also an honorary member of the Bush family, the folks who lied their way into two Iraq wars.

Folks, these examples don't even scratch the surface of the crimes committed by the Cruz family. Setting the aside the question of whether or not Canadian-born Ted Cruz is constitutionally eligible to be President, Ted and his father Rafael are implicated in perhaps the greatest crime of the past half-century: the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

I'm not a Kennedy apologist, though I admire his prowess with ladies like Marilyn Monroe. JFK wasn't a perfect president. He helped bring us LBJ's Great Society nanny state. I will never forgive him for that. But he was a good man, and his father knew how to make fantastic moonshine. Unlike Ted Cruz and Obama, Jack Kennedy patriotically served his country in the Pacific theater of World War II aboard the PT-109. Jack also had the steely fortitude necessary to guide our country through the Cuban Missile Crisis. If only the same could be said for Lyin' Canada Ted.

Not only does Lyin' Canada Ted pale in comparison to past presidents, his family is actively responsible for the loss of America's Arthurian commander-in-chief, JFK.

Three places hold the key to understanding why Ted and his Cuban father Rafael were complicit in the CIA's murder of JFK: Cuba, New Orleans, and Dallas.

I'll lay out the case via this timeline of the events leading up to the murder of Kennedy.

1939 - Cuba

Canada Ted's father, Rafael Cruz is born in Cuba. As a young man, Rafael joins the Cuban Revolution that ultimately empowers the Castro family. He joins Fidel's guerrilla army and espouses a violent revolutionary Marxist-communist ideology.

APRIL, 1961 - Cuba

Jack Kennedy, in a valiant effort to liberate oppressed Cubans from the iron deathgrip of communism, attempts a regime change operation in Cuba known as the Bay of Pigs invasion. With this act, Kennedy demonstrates his strong anti-communism credentials, horrifying socialists like Rafael Cruz and Lee Harvard Oswald in the process.

1963 - New Orleans

Rafael Cruz moves from Texas to New Orleans. The Cruz family is so bad at doing legal paperwork (see: the legal debate over whether Ted is eligible to be POTUS) that we're not sure the precise date when Rafael arrives.

APRIL 24TH, 1963 - New Orleans

After moving to Dallas, Texas, Lee Harvey Oswald arrives in New Orleans on April 24th, 1963, where Canada Ted's father is waiting to meet him. PBS once said:

"If there was a plot to kill President Kennedy, then it was probably hatched in New Orleans. It was here that Lee Oswald may have crossed paths with men that hated Kennedy and wanted him eliminated." [source: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/article/twenty-four-years/]

Folks, you know PBS would not lie. They are a government funded television station devoted to the left. Obamatelevision's knowledge of socialists is beyond reproach.

At this time, Rafael and Lee Harvey Oswald share a mutual admiration for Fidel Castro, who they view as a hero willing to challenge Western imperialism and capitalism. During Oswald's stay in New Orleans from April 24th to September 25th of 1963, Pappa Cruz and Oswald bond while distributing anti-American/pro-Castro pamphlets in downtown New Orleans. The Warren Commission never identifies the mystery men standing next to Pappa Cruz in the images below.

A close-up reveals the mystery man next to Oswald is none other than Pappa Cruz.

SEPTEMBER 25TH, 1963 - Cuba

With the plan to murder Kennedy now fully in motion, Oswald disappears from New Orleans. The Warren Commission pretends as though he vanishes into thin air, but according to recently de-classified CIA documents, he heads straight to Cuba, Rafael and Ted Cruz's fatherland. What he does here, we can only guess -- a rendezvous with Rafael's communist handlers, or perhaps rogue CIA elements. 

NOVEMBER 22ND, 1963 - Dallas

Oswald, with the assistance of pro-Castro factions of the CIA and Rafael Cruz, murders Kennedy in Dallas, Texas. Rafael Cruz now works as a pastor in Dallas, Texas. Coincidence? I doubt it. 

Cruz and Oswald succeed in taking down JFK, staunch enemy of their hero Fidel Castro, and opponent of LBJ's globalist agenda. The CIA summarily executes Oswald to prevent him from divulging state secrets during prosecution. Rafael Cruz and the CIA get away with the crime of the century.

1964

The report of the Warren Commission is released, killing any hopes that the truth of the matter would be made known to the good people of America. Dwight Eisenhower, a war hero and noble President, once called the appointment of Earl Warren his greatest mistake. Warren was no conservative. He was a communist sympathizer in disguise who tried desperately to conceal the truth about Kennedy to protect his globalist ally, Rafael Cruz. 

CONCLUSION

The liberal media does not want you to know this story. Megyn Kelly won't talk about it. Rachel Maddow won't talk about it. Skip Bayless won't either. But the evidence is clear, convincing, and proves beyond a reasonable doubt that Rafael Cruz had a hand in killing Kennedy. How Canada Ted and his father have managed to elude prosecution is beyond me, but then again, our government won't even indict Hillary. The fix is in. The Cruz family and Oswald have deep ties to the Castros, Cuba, New Orleans, and Dallas. The Warren Commission doesn't even mention Rafael Cruz, because the Warren Commission is crock invented by panicked liberals to turn the page on a national tragedy. It's time that America turned the page on Ted Cruz. A conspirator in one of the greatest crimes in American history is not fit to serve as President. 

TWTW's March Madness Takes

Danville, Kentucky -- March: a month that begins with wanton consumption of Shamrock Shakes and Irish Whiskey. March: a month that ends with several straight weeks spent at my local Buffalo Wild Wings watching college basketball. It's a thing of beauty. With golden foamy beer on my right and shiny sauced-drenched boneless chicken wings on my left, I feel at one with the universe as the drama of college basketball plays out before my eyes on multiple high-definition big screen TVs. From this perfect vantage point, I can see seniors scrap for survival while mid-major underdogs prove to the world that they truly belong amongst the world's top collegiate athletes. More importantly, the stirring story-lines of the NCAA tournament offer a brief respite from the banal drudgery of my middle-aged, divorced existence.

Lots of nerds will offer lots of hot takes about the tournament. They'll cite Kenpom, eFG%, PER and all manor of statistics as they offer advice on how to fill out your bracket. What these number-crunchers don't understand is that the glorious March tradition of cannot be explained or predicted by looking at a team's Pythagorean win/loss record. March Madness is like the gladiatorial contests of ancient Rome: statistics mean nothing when a scrappy Cinderella team like 2012 Norfolk State is determined to defy the odds in stunning fashion.

Don't trust the metrics. Trust your own eyes. Here are my thoughts on March Madness. Fill out your brackets accordingly.

Don't Sleep on Bakersfield

Bakersfield is not like the rest of California. A solitary bulwark of working class values in an otherwise irredeemably blue state, Bakersfield has been at the receiving end of the gut-punch that is globalization and unfettered free trade. It's Bakersfield that bears the brunt of Los Angeles' profligate air pollution, boasting the worst air-quality in the country. Bakersfield is one of America's top energy producing cities, where many folks' economic well-being lives or dies on the oil rig. The recent crash in gasoline prices has hit these good folks hard; the only thing they are holding on to is the dream of the Cal State Bakersfield Roadrunners making a run at March Madness glory.

And let me tell you, the people of Bakersfield are good people. My Uncle Truman, named after the last president truly tough enough to win a war, has lived there his whole life. Bakersfield is a hard-working city, where people go to premier watering-holes like Goose Loonies Tavern after a long day at the oil rig. Bakersfield is one of the few cities to stand up against the forces of globalization that are holding back American ingenuity and innovation. In 1993, Donald Trump spoke out against NAFTA at the Cal State Bakersfield campus. In 2016, House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy of Bakersfield endorsed Trump as the candidate most likely to energize the Republican Party. Bakersfield is ground zero for NAFTA's devastation, but this city is also where NAFTA will meet its final defeat.

The proletarian grit of the Bakersfield Roadrunners doesn't show up on a Kenpom spreadsheet. Oklahoma (2) versus CSU Bakersfield (15) has major upset potential, for those of you at home filling out brackets. Oklahoma's recent defeat in the Big 12 tournament at the hands of the scrappy full-court pressing West Virginia Moutaineers bodes ill for the Sooners' chances against the similarly feisty Roadrunners. If Bakersfield pulls a page from genius coach Bob Huggins' playbook, it could be a long night for OU, a team that shoots way too many threes. Bakersfield, fresh off a clutch buzzer-beating win in the WAC championship game, has all the momentum. The Roadrunners play a high-intensity, physical brand of defense that could very well thwart jump-shot reliant players like Buddy Hield. Don't bet against the Roadrunners.

Baylor Bears: Young, Scrappy, Hungry

The Baylor Bears have TWTW. Taurean Prince was once a commit to LIU-Brooklyn. I'm not sure what LIU stands for, but Prince stands for winning. He now projects to be a first round NBA draft pick? How did he do it? By spending his summer in the gym instead of playing Xbox One Live.

Then they have Rico Gathers. He's planning to play in the NFL. Baylor has a pro day for the NFL. Lots of kids skip class to go to parties. Rico is skipping pro day to go play in the tournament. What a player - he cares more about the team he's committed to than having "measurables" for Roger Goodell. With a matchup against Yale nerds in the first round, don't bet against the Bears.

Wichita State Seniors: Experience Counts

The Shockers are a team so good I can't believe Kenpom likes them. There's a lot to like about the Shockers: they have senior veteran leadership, tons of tournament experience, and great chemistry. Evan Wessel, Ron Baker and Fred VanVleet are not only top tier talents, but best friends. They've been to the big dance before. Most important of all, the Shockers will be playing with a chip on their shoulder after being disrespected by the selection committee with an 11 seed. On paper, Wichita State probably wasn't as good as the Kansas Jayhawks team they beat in the 3rd round of the tournament last year. But Wichita State had something that doesn't show up on paper: hustle and friendship. I like this team to make a deep run.

Greg Marshall even turned down job offers to coach this team. Coach Marshall knew he could head to Alabama or some other state that also has great seafood. Instead, he realized you can still get great seafood in Kansas if you just know where the right Red Lobster is located. Marshall knows where the right wins are in the tournament. Take them to advance.

KU: A Team in Need of 2's

The Kansas Jayhawks are another team that is difficult to pick against. They have Shocker-esque chemistry and camaraderie.

My buddy in Lawrence just saw Devonte Graham and Tyler Self at @BWWings. The team that wings together wins together. #MarchMadness

— The Will To Win (@TWTWsports) March 14, 2016

They've also got a ton of momentum on their side, coming fresh off an authoritative romp through the Big 12 tournament. Yet, I have my reservations about this team. Long story short, they shoot too many 3's. The folks calling for KU to take more threes, Five Thirty Eight included, are dead wrong. Unfortunately, Bill Self seems to have listened to them. I've never understood the second-guessing nerds who think they can design a better offense than 12-time Big 12 champion Bill Self. There's a reason Bill Self is the coach, and there's a reason his critics are mostly bloggers. The KU three-pointer debate is often framed as a forced choice between chucking up threes and feeding the ball to Perry Ellis down low. Folks, I know the perfect middle ground: KU needs to stop being afraid of taking mid-range two-pointers.

I think there is big upset potential if KU has to face Connecticut. Connecticut is angry they were left out of a major conference. It's why they won the tournament in 2013 despite having nowhere near the best players - that team needed overtime in the round of 64 to beat St. Joe's before winning the whole ship.

The House Tom Izzo Built: This is (March) Madness

Folks, nobody does more with less than Tom Izzo. His recruits aren't as flashy or beloved by metrics as some other schools, but his great in-game managing ensures that the Spartans get the most out of the roster that they have. The "snub factor" I described with Wichita State is also at play here with MSU -- Izzo and his boys know they're a #1 seed, and will be pumped up as they attempt to prove the selection committee wrong. This could be the year Izzo gets Michigan State a second NCAA Championship.

Conclusion

You could spend hours creating a bracket by analyzing luck ratings, home/road splits, and strength of schedule numbers. Or you can go with your gut. The NCAA tournament is predictably unpredictable. But there is one thing I can confidently predict: narrative matters.

Dump Trump: Why I'm Un-Enrolling from Donald

Danville, Kentucky -- I'm no stranger to disappointment. I was there when Goldwater's failure ushered in the Great Society in '64. I was there when the GM Plant was shuttered by NAFTA in '95. I was there in 2012 when the San Francisco Giants stole my city's last best hope at a World Series title in my lifetime. I am here now, at the moment when Donald Trump's betrayal of my Danville values is complete.

I'm the father of two wonderful young men. I want the country they inherit from me and my ex-wives to be stronger and better than the country I inherited from my parents.

Enter Donald Trump. The first politician since Jessie Ventura whose message resonated with folks like me. Trump wasn't afraid to be divorced. He wasn't afraid to talk about our country losing on trade, like the backstabbing Democrats who brought us NAFTA and the Romney Republicans who care more about wooing illegal immigrants than taking care of the unemployed and America's vets. Donald's America-first message has rung like a clarion call from sea to shining sea, from the coal country hills of West Virginia to the lead-filled water reservoirs of Flint. America was finally going to be great again.

Yet, how can America be great again when Trump can't even make vokda great again?

This past summer, I snatched up several bottles of Trump Vodka off Ebay using my son's debit card. I've been drinking bottles and bottles of the stuff for months, and I'm no closer to success than I was before. I'm still divorced and in debt, only now I smell like a cheap Manhattan cocktail lounge. Trump Vodka is not like moonshine bubbles, my own failed foray into  the alcohol business. Moonshine bubbles was an idea behind its time. Trump Vodka is an idea for a time when Americans aspire to be like Russians. What kind of successful American businessman fails at selling a Russian drink? Trump's line of vodka products was pitched to folks like me as "success distilled," when all it did was distill just what a failure Donald is. The failure of Trump Vodka has left my faith in Donald both shaken and stirred.

My faith in Donald might still be salvaged if it weren't for the unforgivable, Titanic-scale catastrophe of Trump University. Folks, college is a total scam. It's a place where liberals gather to make people that love America hate America or liberals. None of my buddies that went to college had any luck getting a job. Well, Trump University was set to be different. Young students and old students could gather and learn real estate. I finally had a school my son could learn something, unlike his preferred locations USC, Cal Berkeley and Stanford.

My son was also a star baseball player. I wanted him to go to a school where he'd be prepared for life with skills from a guy like Trump and get his jersey retired in a rented out storefront that once housed a Blockbuster and now housed my son's college. Or so I dreamed. In 2010 I put the finishing touches on my son's application. With the small five figure payment, my son was ready to begin his career at Trump University.

Enter betrayal. Trump University closed in 2010. I found out today my son doesn't have an actual degree from Trump University in Real Estate. My son couldn't even bother to go to class. It turns out he had been wasting his time at Stanford all along. He has a stats degree and supports Bernie Sanders now.

Why Donald? Why did you close down such a great school? I know you are telling the truth about the Better Business Bureau giving your wonderful school an "A" rating and not the "D-" the actual group claims your school received. I know the New York Attorney General is out to squash start up universities to protect the monopoly NYU, Syracuse, CUNY, SUNY, and the dozens of other schools in New York have in the market.

I want someone that doesn't give up on her projects. I would love to still have a Trump. I want someone that Donald Trump would date if they weren't his daughter. Hell, just give me who we all know Donald wants: Ivanka Trump for President.

Dying with Dignity: Why the Detroit Lions Should Quit

Danville, Kentucky -- I am firm believer in never giving up; in putting your heart into something until you have nothing left to give. I believe in taking no days off, holding nothing back, putting it all on the line, going all-in, and leaving it all on the field. Yet, even I, know that sometimes, you have to fold: cut your losses, and quit while you can.

Rax Roast Beef knew when to quit. Folks, let me tell you about one of my favorite restaurants of all time. I'm a Danville man, born and raised. Rax -- based in blue-collar Ironton, Ohio -- used to be a staple beef-joint in the rust belt. Folks traveling through West Virginia, Ohio, and Kentucky during the glorious '80s knew that Rax was the best eating a man could get when home was behind and the open road ahead.

Rax embodied the spirit of the 80s. Thanks to Reagan, it was morning in America again. Americans were working hard and being rewarded for it; we were free to spend our disposable income on heaping stacks of beef and melted cheddar cheese, thanks to low taxes and small government. Every baked potato served by Rax came with not only luscious toppings, but also a feeling of optimism and boundless opportunity. It was a great family atmosphere; I used to take the wife and my children there every Sunday afternoon to eat a Deluxe Ham melt and watch the Bengals game.

At Rax's peak, it was an unparalleled fast-food phenom. 504 locations in 38 states, and even expansion into the international market. Yet, all good things must pass. Thanks to globalization, even the reawakening of the 80s gave way to the crushing disappointment of the 90s. By 1996, two years after the arrival of NAFTA, Rax filed for bankruptcy. Rax, a mom-and-pop fast-food chain, just couldn't compete with mega-franchises like Arby's and Wendy's. Many jobs were lost, and the Mid West was never the same. In spite of its colossal implosion, I respect Rax. They knew when to quit, and because of it, the franchise has down-scaled but persevered.

If only the Detroit Lions knew when to quit, like Rax did. There may not be a franchise in sports history that has inflicted as much pain on its fans as the Detroit Lions. I'm a Bengals fan, but I've seen firsthand the misery that this franchise breeds amongst its followers. My uncle, a life-long Lions fan and native of Flint, watches the team year in and year out, yearning for a championship, but always disappointed.

One of the oldest franchises in the NFL, with a loyal and long-suffering fan base. No playoff wins since 1991, when George H.W. was president and Jeb was just a starry-eyed youngster looking for his shot. No Super Bowl appearances in franchise history. And thanks to a disastrous off-season, nothing to look forward to in 2016.

Why the Lions are Hopeless

Two events this off-season have caused me to abandon all hope for this franchise.

First, the Fords have failed to take care of their own.

It's been a pleasure Detroit. Home is where the heart is and my heart will always be here. #DVE4Ever #WSU #B.H. pic.twitter.com/56xME7C7nN

— Joique Bell (@JoiqueBell) February 16, 2016

Joique Bell was the single most inspirational story of the Detroit Lions over the past half-decade. Born in humble circumstances in nearby Benton Harbor, Michigan, his untapped raw potential caught the eye of discerning scouts. He went on to play for Division II school Wayne State University, in mid-town Detroit. It wasn't glamorous. While a student at Wayne State, Joique was broke. There was no special treatment for athletes or fancy living facilities:

While preparing for his senior season at Wayne State, he had to survive an apartment so rough, his mother offered him $500 to move out. Rent was $150.
"I had to live in this (expletive) dungeon," Bell says. "It was triflin'. Dirt would just come off the floor. There was a pink shower, but the bottom of it was just black. It was the nastiest thing I've ever seen.
"My mom was crying because it was so filthy."
Bell went on to win the Harlon Hill Trophy – Division II's version of the Heisman – that year. (via MLive)

To make ends meet, Joique worked as a security guard for the Lions at Ford Field. He bounced around the NFL, notably getting cut by Bill Belichick, before landing on the Lions. Playing for his hometown team, Joique had great success and was a fan favorite. Bell was the go-to guy when the ball needed to be pounded across the goal-line, a master of lowering his shoulder and grinding his way to touchdowns. His uplifting life narrative was a source of pride and inspiration for a city that was down on its luck and needed a hero. Joique was just like his city: young, scrappy, and hungry.

Joique, the kid who beat the odds and became a star, was unceremoniously cut by the Lions on February 16th, 2016. That's not how you treat family.

Second, Martha Ford's betrayal of the city's proudest son might actually be only the second most depressing thing to happen to the Lions this off-season. The only thing harsher than the Michigan winter was the news that Calvin Johnson, an all-time great receiver and franchise cornerstone, was debating retirement.

The parallels to Barry Sanders' premature retirement are striking: a future hall-of-famer with years of productivity ahead of him, hanging the cleats early, leaving the Lions in disarray as he walks out the door.

Calvin Johnson has one thing going for him: he knows when to quit. Football is a brutal sport, that breaks the bodies of even the most mighty athletes. Why risk his well-being and health to play for an irrelevant team? Can you blame Calvin? This Danville man can't.

The writing is on the wall for the Lions. The ownership cuts the most likable players and drives the most talented ones out of the league. The Lions' divisional competition is not getting any less formidable. Adrian Peterson and the Vikings aren't going anywhere. Aaron Rodgers and his miraculous hail-mary throwing abilities aren't going anywhere. It's hard to chart a Detroit Lions path to the playoffs when they have to fill a Calvin Johnson-sized hole in the roster. Not under the current ownership.

The Fords have always been a family that brings both great joy and great despair. The Fords brought us the Model-T and the assembly-line; but they also brought us offshoring and the desolation of rust-belt economies after the 2008 economic collapse. As owners of the Lions, they brought us Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson, only to drive these legends away from the franchise with their incompetence and mismanagement. The Fords brought us affordable automobiles; but they are also the family that brought us mass employee layoffs, and also drafted Joey Harrington; the promising young QB whose spirit was slowly broken by playing for an aimless franchise.

Conclusion

The weight of the Lions' sorrowful history can only lead me to draw one conclusion: the Fords should terminate this lowly franchise. Dissolve the Detroit Lions organization. Make a new expansion team in Mexico City, or London. Or just send the team to Vietnam, with the rest of Detroit's manufacturing jobs. If the team can't win playoff games, has never appeared in a Super Bowl, and can't retain inspirational and legendary talents like Joique and Megatron, then the team doesn't deserve to exist. The loss of this franchise will hurt Detroit-area football fans initially, but it will save them from heartache in the long run.

Those who remember the hey-day of Rax know where its surviving locations can be found. I still frequent a dusty old Rax in Parkersburg, West Virginia, from time to time. When I eat there alone, if I close my eyes and let the savory notes of roast beef linger on my tongue, I can almost feel the hope of the Reagan administration again.

Similarly, we will always have the fond memories of the undeniably good moments of the Lions franchise: Barry's 2,000 yard rushing season. Calvin breaking Jerry Rice's record for receiving yards in a single season. The unsung competence and consistency of longtime kicker Jason Hanson. The tragic comedy of 0-16 season in 2008. Third-string quarterback Mike McMahon leading the team to its first victory in Week 14 vs the Minnesota Vikings in 2001. The Matt Stafford-led 4th quarter comebacks of 2011.

Don't let the Lions become like Jeb Bush: trudging through failure after failure, endlessly prolonging their inevitable defeat, by refusing to gracefully bow out. It's time for the Lions to die with dignity. Only then will it be morning in Detroit again.