TWTW's Packers vs. Lions Sunday Night Football Preview

Danville, Kentucky -- President Reagan once said "it is better to be respected than loved." This motto was the driving force behind his administration as he restored American moral authority worldwide and brought an end to the Cold War. Reagan's timeless adage is not only true in the realm of politics; it is also true on the gridiron. But respect is earned, not given. Like many men of my generation, I learned this lesson on the football field.

In my youth, football was the sport of choice for young Danville men during the brisk Kentucky fall. Every day after school we'd head to a patch of grass near an old, abandoned bottling factory and play two-hand touch football. As a 3rd grader, I fell in love with the game of football. I fell in love with the smell of dead leaves, the feel of slick mud and grass stains on my pants, and the touch of the leathery pigskin in my palms.

But there came a day when my gridiron utopia was assaulted. Some 5th graders showed up at our favorite playing spot near the long-closed bottling factory. They took over the field and imposed their own rules. The big kids didn't want to play two-hand touch. They played tackle football, a scary idea given the size and heft of some of these 5th graders. I could've backed down that day, and found some other place to play football with kids my own age, but I didn't.

Against my better judgement and my mom's pleas to not play such a violent and dangerous game, I began to play tackle football with the 5th graders. It didn't go well initially. The 5th graders wouldn't pass me the ball. When they did, I'd immediately get decked by kids twice my size. They seemed to enjoy beating up on me. We didn't wear helmets or pads, folks; each tackle meant a mouthful of earthy muck and unsightly bruises.

I remember the day I earned the respect of the 5th graders. It was winter of 1966. The ground was damp, and cold. We had already played three or four games of football that day, and everybody was more tired and worn-out than Megyn Kelly's sorry excuse for a prime-time news show. We agreed to play one last game that day before we would all head home for dinner. My team -- a rag-tag bunch of my fellow 3rd graders and a couple of 5th graders nice enough to join us -- had trailed most of the game but had an opportunity to head home on a high note. The game was tied. It was fourth down, and we were deep in enemy territory.

I was playing fullback, because I was one of the few kids big enough and wide enough to not get totally knocked around and brutalized by the 5th graders. Our quarterback called a fullback dive. He put the game in my hands. He had faith that I could punch the ball across the goal line to give our team the win. He believed in me. But he didn't respect me. Not yet.

On that fateful final play, I scored a touchdown, but not before getting mercilessly slammed into the ground. After emerging from the mangled pile of limbs in the end-zone, I had done it. I had EARNED the respect of the 5th graders. With blood trickling from my knees and dirty grass stains on my favorite Cleveland Browns shirt, a wry smile crept across my face as my teammates congratulated me. I felt a special type of satisfaction as I ate my mother's meatloaf that evening at dinner.

Lions vs. Packers: Pride and Respect On The Line

This Sunday night, the NFC North title is on the line. But respect is on the line as well. Folks, the Detroit Lions are on the cusp of finally earning the respect of the NFL's big kids; of graduating from two-hand touch to tackle football. Having endured decades of ridicule and derision from the NFL's talking head commentators, the Lions have a chance to silence their doubters and begin a new era of football in the Motor City. All they have to do is beat the Green Bay Packers and their immaculately photogenic quarterback, Aaron Rodgers.

Folks, it won't be an easy task. The Packers are a formidable opponent, and it's no secret that the NFL would rather have playoff games hosted in Lambeau than Ford Field. The NFL has a financial stake in continuing the Aaron Rodgers iron man narrative; he's one of the league's most recognizable faces and sells a ton of jerseys. Roger Goodell and company want Rodgers to succeed, and they're perfectly willing to stack the deck against the Lions do to so. The NFL hasn't hesitated to keep the Lions down in the past. The history of the Detroit Lions is a history of questionable calls against them.

Remember the 2014 playoffs, when the refs called pass interference on the Dallas Cowboys, only to pick up the flag?

Remember the no-call on Seattle's illegal bat last season?

Remember the phantom face-mask last year that set up an NFL-manufactured Packers comeback victory?

Folks, just a couple of weeks ago a referee admitted to improperly penalizing the Lions for an infraction committed by the Chicago Bears.

This is but a small taste of the daunting task before the Lions: not only do they have to defeat the NFL's golden boy Aaron Rodgers, they have to defeat the officiating crew, which is typically composed of a bunch of closet cheeseheads.

Lots of folks dismiss this line of argument as conspiracy theorizing. But rigging happens all the time. Wikileaks showed us that the democratic primary was rigged against Bernie Sanders. The NCAA playoff selection committee was rigged against Penn State. What makes people think the NFL doesn't also engage in rigging, especially with so much money on the line? It's naive to suggest otherwise.

PREDICTION

Fortunately, there may be hope for the Lions. Don't get me wrong. The Lions have their weaknesses. Their running game is weak. They are over-reliant on the passing game, and have struggled to score points in the red zone because they can't punch the ball across the goal line like I did back in '66.

But the Lions have several factors working in their favor. First, Wisconsin men are not men of their word. Aaron Rodgers promised that Green Bay would "run the table" in their final games of the season en-route to a playoff berth. Folks, I'm old enough to remember when Paul Ryan, a republican representative from Wisconsin and Speaker of the House, promised our nation Obamacare repeal, a restored economy, and high paying jobs. He's been the house speaker for a full year and we're still no closer to a return to small government principles. Men from Wisconsin often promise things they can't deliver, Rodgers is no different folks. The Packers may very well take this "L" like Paul Ryan has been taking Ls all year.

Second, the Lions have home-field advantage. Ford Field will be packed with tens of thousands of hungry Lions fans rooting for something that hasn't happened in Detroit for more than twenty years: a division championship. The Lions will be led by Matthew Stafford, an MVP candidate entering his prime. Folks, if I were a Lions fan (I'm not, I'm a Bengals fan wishing a blue collar team well from afar) I'd be encouraged by what I saw in the first half of their showdown in Dallas last week. Stafford looked like the best field-general I've seen since Douglas MacArthur. He orchestrated an excellent up-tempo, no-huddle offense that reminded me of the glory days of Jim Kelly's Buffalo Bills. Such an offensive assault may leave the defensively-challenged Packers in disarray.

That wasn't the only positive sign for the Lions last week. A legit running game option for Detroit emerged: Zach Zenner, an un-drafted free agent and former South Dakota State Jackrabbit. Folks, when I see Mr. Zenner pound the ball across the line of scrimmage, I see myself 50 years ago in that abandoned field back in Danville. This kid knows how to run. He's got more heart than all of Milwaukee. He may just help the Lions win their first division championship since 1993.

That's Zach Zenner in the thick of that dog-pile, being gritty as heck.

It won't be easy, folks. The deck is stacked against them. But the Lions might -- just might -- beat Green Bay tonight. With an NFC North title under their belt, the Lions will not only be beloved by their loyal fans: they will be respected by a league that was dead-set on their elimination.

Thanksgiving with the Harts II: TWTW's Vikings @ Lions Preview

Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. For one day each year, families come together to feast, count their blessings, and then engage in brazen consumerism at 7:00 PM once Black Friday shopping starts. Yet, most men pay a heavy price to earn this day of leisure. Thanksgiving is not given; it is earned. It is earned in the auto factory, where many men spend lifetimes toiling in oppressive conditions. It is earned in the meat lockers of delicatessens, where shivering men pound raw steak with metal mallets. It is earned in the driver's seat of semi-trucks, where weary men travel through the dead of night carrying goods across our country in hopes of providing for their families. It is earned in the coal mines, where daring men venture without a guarantee they will ever see their loved ones again. For these men and many more, there is no better feeling than eating several pounds of mashed potatoes, loosening one's belt, collapsing on the couch, and watching the Detroit Lions.

Last Thanksgiving, there wasn't much for the good people of Michigan to be hopeful about. Manufacturing jobs were trickling from the state like blood from Trevor Bauer's poorly-bandaged drone wound. The Lions were 3-7, poised for another season of disappointment. The administration of nerd-governor Rick Snyder reached new levels of incompetence as the depth of Flint's suffering became well-known. It was a winter marked not by white tufts of fluffy snow, but rather grey-brown muddy slush.

This Thanksgiving feels very different. It's morning in Michigan again. The Detroit Pistons are moving downtown, and Jim Harbaugh has restored Michigan football to its former glory. Donald Trump is President-Elect of the United States. Thanks to Donald's stunning victory, Ford Motor Company has decided to scrap a plan to outsource jobs to Mexico. By making this decision, Bill Ford has taken a stand for the good people of our country and the state of Michigan. Now, Bill Ford's Detroit Lions are on the cusp of doing something that they haven't done in 23 years: winning a division title and hosting a home-playoff game.

Longest Division Title Droughts in NFL

Folks, I remember where I was the last time the Detroit Lions won a division title back in 1993. 1993 was a long time ago. It was an unforgettable year. Lions nemesis Brett Favre was not yet a household name, though he would become one later that year after completing a last-minute 45 yard touchdown pass to Sterling Sharpe in the '93 NFC Wild Card Game to eliminate the Lions. Newt Gingrich's "Contract with America" had yet to be written. The original Jurassic Park film was the hottest movie around. The world has changed significantly since 1993.

Thanksgiving of 1993 was special. My whole family was gathered around a lovingly prepared and lavish Thanksgiving dinner: sweet cranberry sauce (the canned, gelatinous kind), wholesome stuffing soaked with rich brown gravy, cloud-like mashed potatoes dripping with golden melted butter, and tender turkey breast with crispy brown skin. Yet, all was not well. Emotions were running high at my family's Thanksgiving supper. The Lions lost in disappointing fashion to the Chicago Bears earlier that day. My Uncle Bert was livid that an offense with Barry Sanders and Herman Moore only managed to put up 6 points against a feeble Bears squad. My Uncle Bert was a kind man; but proud, and ill-tempered if crossed.

Tensions boiled over when my wife (now my ex-wife) made a move for a coveted turkey drumstick. My Uncle Bert was a hard-working man and provider; one of the unspoken rules of our family's Thanksgiving celebrations was that the turkey's drumsticks belonged to him alone. My foolish wife broke this rule, prompting an extensive tirade from Uncle Bert about the value of diligence and the decay of America's moral fiber under President Bill Clinton. Folks, if you hate it when your family talks politics over Thanksgiving dinner, I hope you never meet my Uncle Bert. My wife didn't appreciate the scolding; when Uncle Bert's rant was finished, she grabbed the drumstick and headed for the door. I haven't spoken to her since.

Folks, Thanksgiving of 2016 is going to be vastly different from Thanksgiving of 1993. We no longer live in an America where families have to war over drumsticks. Thanks to Trump, delicious poultry will now be plentiful and affordable to all Americans. Coal mining jobs will return, after years of desolation at the hands of EPA overreach. Blue-collar folk across the rust belt will return to their jobs in manufacturing plants, after years of hanging up their hard-hats because of awful trade deals. America is going back to work.

Things are looking up for America, and they're looking up for the Lions too. The Lions sit atop the NFC North division; with a win against the Minnesota Vikings this Thanksgiving, they will position themselves well for a playoff run this Winter. Matt Stafford is now a certified elite quarterback: the former #1 draft pick now stands upon the precipice of leading the Lions to postseason glory, fulfilling his destiny in the process.

And yet, the Lions are not without their flaws. The Lions' running game remains a major weak point, flimsier than a soggy breadstick from Olive Garden. At times, their defense appears more porous than the US-Mexico border that Donald Trump has vowed to reinforce. In spite of these weaknesses, the Lions remain in the playoff hunt, largely due to Stafford's uncanny ability to orchestrate fourth quarter comebacks. With Stafford playing at an MVP-caliber level and key defensive players like DeAndre Levy returning to health, the stars appear to be aligning for Detroit's first division title in decades. In 2016 we have witnessed Britain leave the EU, a team from Cleveland win a championship, a Chicago Cubs World Series victory, and a Donald Trump presidency. Why can't the Lions get in on the fun?

This Thanksgiving is shaping up to be a truly marvelous one. Gone are the days where I would celebrate Thanksgiving with a cold TV dinner; the days of lavish feasts have once again returned. This Thanksgiving, I anticipate the Detroit Lions to provide compelling entertainment as they have all season. They will flirt with disaster; frustrating fans with their inconsistency and silly mistakes: botched punt returns, bobbled passes, missed tackles. Yet, I nonetheless predict a Lions victory, as ice-blooded field general Stafford delivers dramatic more late-game heroics. 2016 has not been any old year; these are not the Same Old Lions.

Tim Kaine: Unfit for Vice President

Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, I reserve a special and terrible rage for bandwagon fans. Nothing makes me feel vicious, burning fury deep in the pit of my stomach more than a guy whose rooting loyalties are as whimsical as Crooked Hillary's public and private positions. In sports as it is in geopolitics, geography is destiny. The only thing that can prevent sports fandom from devolving into a Seinfeldian exercise in "rooting for laundry" is to loyally root for only those teams which are geographically proximate to what you consider your 'home.' Picking and choosing what teams to root for degrades the integrity of sports fandom and renders the whole enterprise a meaningless exercise in standings-watching.



My Uncle Bert is a man who understands this. My Uncle Bert lives in Flint, Michigan. He's a life long Detroit Lions fan, a team that has never appeared in the Super Bowl and owns the second-longest championship drought in professional sports. He worked from 8-to-5, five days a week at the GM plant for most of his adult life. He would spend his free-time on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays chatting with his co-workers around the water cooler about whatever the latest Lions tragedy was: Barry Sanders retiring, Marty Mornhinwheg electing to take the wind rather than the ball in a confounding overtime loss to the Chicago Bears in 2001, the 2-14 2001 season, the 0-16 2008 season, the Charles Rogers bust, Calvin Johnson retiring, etc. These are but a few of the puzzling heartbreaks my Uncle has had to endure during his long tenure as a Lions fan.

With each passing year, fewer and fewer co-workers would chat with my uncle around the water cooler about the Motor City's not-so-loveable losers. With time, many fairweather Lions fans became Green Bay Packers fans, or Minnesota Vikings fans, or Bears fans. Yet, my Uncle has faithfully persevered. His loyalty will be rewarded with a special satisfaction only true fans can enjoy when the valleys of his misery are lifted up and every mountain and hill of NFL glory are made low, when the Lions finally win a Super Bowl.

The same cannot be said of many sports fans. Everybody knows that one co-worker. They claim to be fans of the New England Patriots, Golden State Warriors, New York Yankees, Ohio State football, and University of Kentucky basketball. They're always on the right side of history because they always root for the winner, and the winner always writes history.

Folks, democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Kaine is that one co-worker. He's a graduate of the University of Missouri, yet roots for that school's blood rivals, the Kansas Jayhawks. But only in basketball. Tim Kaine has disavowed KU football, and rooted for Virginia Tech and Missouri football at various points in his tortured public life. This is bandwagon fandom par excellence. Tim Kaine opportunistically roots for the very successful Kansas basketball team while distancing himself from its struggling football squad. Senator Kaine, if you can't handle KU football at their worst, you don't deserve KU basketball at its best. Tim Kaine's refusal to believe in KU football is going to make him look silly come 2019 when David Beaty and the boys win the Big XII conference. Mr. Kaine, there won't be room for you on the bandwagon when that day comes.

Tim Kaine's sports rooting interests reveal a stunning lack of principle that renders him unfit to serve as vice president, a feeble Hillary Clinton heartbeat away from the presidency. Moreover, Kaine's inconsistencies points to a problem endemic to the slippery Clinton campaign. Clinton and Kaine have no deeply-held beliefs, principles, or values. They stand for nothing. How can we trust Hillary to fight for Americans on trade issues and pursue fair trade deals when she called Obama's awful TPP deal the "gold standard"? Kaine's political views have all the steadiness of a weather-vane. Just like Kaine threw Kansas football under the bus, he threw American workers on the bus by vocally supporting TPP prior to flip-flopping once he got picked as Clinton's VP.

Being a Danville man, I'm a Cincinatti Bengals fan and not a Lions fan like my dear Uncle Bert. But my Uncle Bert taught me loyalty. America needs a president and vice president who mean what they say and say what they mean. We can't afford politicians who only support teams once they're winning and only support policies once they're popular. My Uncle Bert knew this. And so does Donald Trump.

Dying with Dignity: Why the Detroit Lions Should Quit

Danville, Kentucky -- I am firm believer in never giving up; in putting your heart into something until you have nothing left to give. I believe in taking no days off, holding nothing back, putting it all on the line, going all-in, and leaving it all on the field. Yet, even I, know that sometimes, you have to fold: cut your losses, and quit while you can.

Rax Roast Beef knew when to quit. Folks, let me tell you about one of my favorite restaurants of all time. I'm a Danville man, born and raised. Rax -- based in blue-collar Ironton, Ohio -- used to be a staple beef-joint in the rust belt. Folks traveling through West Virginia, Ohio, and Kentucky during the glorious '80s knew that Rax was the best eating a man could get when home was behind and the open road ahead.

Rax embodied the spirit of the 80s. Thanks to Reagan, it was morning in America again. Americans were working hard and being rewarded for it; we were free to spend our disposable income on heaping stacks of beef and melted cheddar cheese, thanks to low taxes and small government. Every baked potato served by Rax came with not only luscious toppings, but also a feeling of optimism and boundless opportunity. It was a great family atmosphere; I used to take the wife and my children there every Sunday afternoon to eat a Deluxe Ham melt and watch the Bengals game.

At Rax's peak, it was an unparalleled fast-food phenom. 504 locations in 38 states, and even expansion into the international market. Yet, all good things must pass. Thanks to globalization, even the reawakening of the 80s gave way to the crushing disappointment of the 90s. By 1996, two years after the arrival of NAFTA, Rax filed for bankruptcy. Rax, a mom-and-pop fast-food chain, just couldn't compete with mega-franchises like Arby's and Wendy's. Many jobs were lost, and the Mid West was never the same. In spite of its colossal implosion, I respect Rax. They knew when to quit, and because of it, the franchise has down-scaled but persevered.

If only the Detroit Lions knew when to quit, like Rax did. There may not be a franchise in sports history that has inflicted as much pain on its fans as the Detroit Lions. I'm a Bengals fan, but I've seen firsthand the misery that this franchise breeds amongst its followers. My uncle, a life-long Lions fan and native of Flint, watches the team year in and year out, yearning for a championship, but always disappointed.

One of the oldest franchises in the NFL, with a loyal and long-suffering fan base. No playoff wins since 1991, when George H.W. was president and Jeb was just a starry-eyed youngster looking for his shot. No Super Bowl appearances in franchise history. And thanks to a disastrous off-season, nothing to look forward to in 2016.

Why the Lions are Hopeless

Two events this off-season have caused me to abandon all hope for this franchise.

First, the Fords have failed to take care of their own.

It's been a pleasure Detroit. Home is where the heart is and my heart will always be here. #DVE4Ever #WSU #B.H. pic.twitter.com/56xME7C7nN

— Joique Bell (@JoiqueBell) February 16, 2016

Joique Bell was the single most inspirational story of the Detroit Lions over the past half-decade. Born in humble circumstances in nearby Benton Harbor, Michigan, his untapped raw potential caught the eye of discerning scouts. He went on to play for Division II school Wayne State University, in mid-town Detroit. It wasn't glamorous. While a student at Wayne State, Joique was broke. There was no special treatment for athletes or fancy living facilities:

While preparing for his senior season at Wayne State, he had to survive an apartment so rough, his mother offered him $500 to move out. Rent was $150.
"I had to live in this (expletive) dungeon," Bell says. "It was triflin'. Dirt would just come off the floor. There was a pink shower, but the bottom of it was just black. It was the nastiest thing I've ever seen.
"My mom was crying because it was so filthy."
Bell went on to win the Harlon Hill Trophy – Division II's version of the Heisman – that year. (via MLive)

To make ends meet, Joique worked as a security guard for the Lions at Ford Field. He bounced around the NFL, notably getting cut by Bill Belichick, before landing on the Lions. Playing for his hometown team, Joique had great success and was a fan favorite. Bell was the go-to guy when the ball needed to be pounded across the goal-line, a master of lowering his shoulder and grinding his way to touchdowns. His uplifting life narrative was a source of pride and inspiration for a city that was down on its luck and needed a hero. Joique was just like his city: young, scrappy, and hungry.

Joique, the kid who beat the odds and became a star, was unceremoniously cut by the Lions on February 16th, 2016. That's not how you treat family.

Second, Martha Ford's betrayal of the city's proudest son might actually be only the second most depressing thing to happen to the Lions this off-season. The only thing harsher than the Michigan winter was the news that Calvin Johnson, an all-time great receiver and franchise cornerstone, was debating retirement.

The parallels to Barry Sanders' premature retirement are striking: a future hall-of-famer with years of productivity ahead of him, hanging the cleats early, leaving the Lions in disarray as he walks out the door.

Calvin Johnson has one thing going for him: he knows when to quit. Football is a brutal sport, that breaks the bodies of even the most mighty athletes. Why risk his well-being and health to play for an irrelevant team? Can you blame Calvin? This Danville man can't.

The writing is on the wall for the Lions. The ownership cuts the most likable players and drives the most talented ones out of the league. The Lions' divisional competition is not getting any less formidable. Adrian Peterson and the Vikings aren't going anywhere. Aaron Rodgers and his miraculous hail-mary throwing abilities aren't going anywhere. It's hard to chart a Detroit Lions path to the playoffs when they have to fill a Calvin Johnson-sized hole in the roster. Not under the current ownership.

The Fords have always been a family that brings both great joy and great despair. The Fords brought us the Model-T and the assembly-line; but they also brought us offshoring and the desolation of rust-belt economies after the 2008 economic collapse. As owners of the Lions, they brought us Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson, only to drive these legends away from the franchise with their incompetence and mismanagement. The Fords brought us affordable automobiles; but they are also the family that brought us mass employee layoffs, and also drafted Joey Harrington; the promising young QB whose spirit was slowly broken by playing for an aimless franchise.

Conclusion

The weight of the Lions' sorrowful history can only lead me to draw one conclusion: the Fords should terminate this lowly franchise. Dissolve the Detroit Lions organization. Make a new expansion team in Mexico City, or London. Or just send the team to Vietnam, with the rest of Detroit's manufacturing jobs. If the team can't win playoff games, has never appeared in a Super Bowl, and can't retain inspirational and legendary talents like Joique and Megatron, then the team doesn't deserve to exist. The loss of this franchise will hurt Detroit-area football fans initially, but it will save them from heartache in the long run.

Those who remember the hey-day of Rax know where its surviving locations can be found. I still frequent a dusty old Rax in Parkersburg, West Virginia, from time to time. When I eat there alone, if I close my eyes and let the savory notes of roast beef linger on my tongue, I can almost feel the hope of the Reagan administration again.

Similarly, we will always have the fond memories of the undeniably good moments of the Lions franchise: Barry's 2,000 yard rushing season. Calvin breaking Jerry Rice's record for receiving yards in a single season. The unsung competence and consistency of longtime kicker Jason Hanson. The tragic comedy of 0-16 season in 2008. Third-string quarterback Mike McMahon leading the team to its first victory in Week 14 vs the Minnesota Vikings in 2001. The Matt Stafford-led 4th quarter comebacks of 2011.

Don't let the Lions become like Jeb Bush: trudging through failure after failure, endlessly prolonging their inevitable defeat, by refusing to gracefully bow out. It's time for the Lions to die with dignity. Only then will it be morning in Detroit again.