Bench Steph Curry

Danville, Kentucky - They told me I was about to have a slice of pizza that would change my life. I know that was possible. I remember the first time I had a pan pizza from Pizza Hut. The overwhelming crust paired with the  perfect pepperoni to change my belief that hope was not lost. It secured my unending belief that the best pizza in New York could not compare to the pizza one could find in literally any kind of mid-size town in America.

Papa Murphy's is a prelude to the fall of the West. I went to the Papa Murphy's and ordered a pepperoni pizza. A young jokster behind the register handed me a frozen pizza. Wholesome humor was alive in America, I thought. This restaurant could be even better than the Hut. Not since my support of Hubert Humphrey in 1968 was I so wrong.

Papa Murphy's does not cook their pizza. They hand you a slab of frozen pizza and expect you to go home and cook it. I felt embarrassed. Was I the only person without a pizza oven in America? Why was this location charging me the same price for a non-cooked pizza as any other pizza locale would to actually cook the pizza and pay for the cost of an oven? Would my children think me a fool for using so many rhetorical questions in a row? All evils created by Papa Murphy's. I left in anger. Hopeful for the respite of Chick Fil A, I quickly realized it was Sunday. Another night at the Chili's it was. Another night of great food guaranteed.

The 2016 Warriors are a lot like Papa Murphy's. They suck. Sure, the skeptics would say, "Will, have you had a few too many rounds of Chilis' delicious queso and tequila?" Yes, but that has nothing to with reason and everything to do with proper taste. Proper taste tells me the Warriors are not doing well. They've lost home games to the Celtics and have even lost to a Rockets team whose desperate prayers to end the season are met with a laugh from a God who has long ago forsaken them.

James Harden once again getting wrecked by the Based God

The Warriors have a choice to make: continue down the path of defeat or make the change they need. It's time to bench Steph Curry. Steph is a good man. He plays hard and is twice the father with a fourth the marriages I am.

— Andre Iguodala (@andre) September 22, 2014

[Andre Iguodala quoting noted conservative scholar Thomas Sowell]

Steph is too focused on winning the MVP award and getting his own shot. Other than his scores of assists a game and gaudy plus/minus numbers, he does little for his own teammates. Just look at game 4. They won without Steph. The Warriors shot what seems unsustainable against the Rockets, but the post-American era of World War II once seemed unsustainable in the face of defeat after defeat from the forces of Marxists. Yet, the hope was not lost. The fight was not over. America went on to win the Cold War because it focused on being the best America it could be. The Warriors need to focus on being the best Warriors they can be.

Steph has also politicized the Warriors. Mr. Curry now appears in ads with the Obama White House. The same White House that passed Obamacare. When conservatives like Andre Iguodala take the Court, they need a non-partisan leader. I mean, who has any clue what Shaun Livingston thinks about NAFTA? I do. I know a veteran blue collar player like Livingston understands we're losing jobs because of NAFTA. Livingston is the man to lead Golden State and right the lost chemistry of a once proud team. 

The path of the present does not lock us into the future of failure. The Warriors and America can do better. Honestly, if America would just stop eating at Papa Murphy's, I wouldn't give a damn if Steph Curry played or not. But since this country will continue to eat at Papa Murphy's, let's just hope the Warriors play a veteran. 

TWTW's Opening Day Preview: Detroit Tigers @ Miami Marlins

Danville, Kentucky -- Time: its passage is as inexorable as it is cruel. With each tick of the clock, time passes like rain on the mountain, like wind in the meadow, like Chile con queso slips between a man's fingers if he's bold enough to thrust a hand into the skillet and lay claim to the cheesy goodness for himself. Time passes, but memories of simpler times and younger days do not.

Memory can be a refuge of comfort, nostalgia, and consolation, but memory can also pierce, sear, and sting like a hot needle in an amateur do-it-yourself ear piercing operation. Baseball is a game of memory. The game honors its golden-era forebears, and judges each new generation of players using these heroes as a benchmark.

For Justin Verlander and the Detroit Tigers, their season-opener vs. the Miami Marlins will arouse a variety of memories --- mostly negative. Justin Verlander will face Wei-Yin Chen, Taiwan's finest son. This game is not considered a marquee match-up in 2016, a year of statistical inundation and sabermetric besiegement. Yet, for Verlander, this is the match-up of a lifetime.

October 3rd, 2014. Game 2 of the American League Divisional Series between the Baltimore Orioles and Detroit Tigers. A cold and salty Autumn breeze was blowing in from the nearby harbor. With Max Scherzer having failed to silence the bombastic Orioles offense the night before, Mr. Verlander was tasked with playing stopper. His opponent was Baltimore's Taiwanese lefty, Wei-Yin Chen. A game 2 win would tie the series and give the Tigers a chance to take a series lead on their home-field with David Price on the mound. In years past, Justin had been the man to single-handedly keep the Tigers' playoff hopes alive. He put the team on his back and delivered wins in games 1 and 5 of the 2012 ALDS and game 3 of the 2012 ALCS. In 2013 he once again delivered a game 5 win in the ALDS, while allowing 1 run the entire postseason.

In game 2 of the 2014 ALDS, that Verlander was nowhere to be found. Justin, the man who only a postseason ago was a complete game-throwing strikeout machine, went 5 innings --- putting the game in the hands of a bullpen less trustworthy than Megyn Kelly. The results were predictable. Though the voracious right-handed slugging Tigers lineup had pounded Wei-Yin Chen like mainland China might one day decimate Wei-Yin's native Taiwan in a hypothetical cross-Strait war, Joba Chamberlain and Joakim Soria's entry into the game was rightfully greeted with cheers from the Baltimore audience as they conspired to squander a winnable game. The Orioles took a 2-0 lead in the series before winning game 3 in Detroit to complete the sweep. The Detroit Tigers have not played playoff baseball since.

Tomorrow's Tigers-Marlins match-up is not considered particularly sexy by the fangraphs crowd. Both teams project to be middle-of-the-pack in their respective divisions, if you are foolish enough to believe projections. Other opening day showdowns have more compelling story-lines; take the re-match between the World Champion Kansas City Royals™ and the runner-up New York Mets, for instance. I planned to write a preview of last night's Matt Harvey v. Edinson Volquez face-off, but I've been in a spiraling haze of depressive alcoholism for the past few days as polling data shows Ted Cruz leads Donald Trump in Wisconsin.

Casual baseball fans could be forgiven for not caring about this Tigers-Marlins match-up. But for Justin Verlander, this game means the world. Longing for redemption, he has a chance to help the team get off to a good start as the Tigers take on the Marlins in Miami. To do so, he'll have to do what he couldn't do in 2014: beat Wei-Yin Chen, ex-Oriole and key free agent signing by Miami. Justin, restored to his rightful role as opening day starter after temporarily yielding the position to Max Scherzer in 2014 and David Price in 2015, knows what must be done. A time will come for reflection on his disappointing 2014 and quiet, unheralded brilliance down the stretch in 2015, but it is not this day. On this opening day, Justin will take the mound with a steely eyed-determination. Metrics don't respect the Marlins, but Justin will. Giancarlo Stanton is the baseball equivalent of a B-52 bomber. Dee Gordon and Ichiro are better at slap-hitting than my ex-wives. Opening day will be a test, but Justin is ready for it.

After his opening day start, Justin Verlander will take the most well-known Upton in the Tigers organization out to a secluded spot on the beach and sip a tropical beverage adorned with a colorful little umbrella. As he gazes wistfully at the Atlantic Ocean, illuminated by the mingling orange, pink, and golden hues of the Miami sunset, Justin will accept that he cannot undo the failures of 2014 and 2015.

the sun sets in Miami, but not upon Verlander.

The agonizing memories of Nelson Cruz and Adam Jones and J.J. Hardy celebrating their berth to the ALCS on the Tigers' home turf cannot be un-etched from Justin's psyche. Yet, each new baseball season offers the possibility of absolution from the sins of yesterday. Justin will slowly sip on his cocktail, feeling inner serenity and tranquility.

Time passes and players come and go, but Justin draws strength from his status as the immovable pillar of the Tigers' franchise since debuting with the team in 2006. The script for 2016 is largely the same as 2015, albeit with some new cast-members like Jordan Zimmerman, Justin Upton, and Mike Pelfrey. Justin, Detroit's Once and Future Ace, has to find a way to defy time and deliver his team to the October Classic. Justin is not a man who excels in a Best Supporting Actor role, playing sidekick to Scherzer or Price. He is a man who relishes the spotlight and all its attendant pressures and expectations. Justin has restored himself as Detroit's unquestioned leader. He must now restore baseball in Detroit.