Tank Cubs, Tank: The Chicago Cubs Should Sell

Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, sometimes it's tough to know when to throw in the towel. Men of my generation were taught to persevere - to keep grinding, even as our bodies fail us and our spirit breaks. That drive to survive and outlast your opposition is what kept brave men alive in the jungles of Guadalcanal and the forests of Ardennes; it's what kept tired men toiling on the assembly line long after their dignity and the union were gone. That instinct is what gives me the strength to finish my 6th hot dog at a 4th of a July barbecue, long after my stomach is full and my wife tells me to stop eating, for the love of God.

Folks, the Chicago Cubs - 2016's miracle team - need to throw in the towel. We all know why. Ben Zobrist, the World Series MVP, looks old and broken. Addison Russell has played exactly like you'd expect somebody drafted by saber-nerd Billy Beane to play. Kyle Schwarber has been demoted to Triple-A Iowa, and might not be back in the majors until the 2020 Iowa Caucus showdown between Chelsea Clinton, Mark Zuckerberg, and Corey Booker. The team's chemistry is shot, in part thanks to Miguel Montero throwing his own teammates under the bus. Jake Arietta's ERA is more inflated than Evan McMullin's sense of self-importance. Worst of all, there's no David Ross around anymore to anchor the team with veteran presence.

The final nail in the coffin for the Cubbies? They disrespected our President. Bad things happen to people who cross the Donald - ask Mika or Morning Joe.

pic.twitter.com/zYGgRIFwyG

— Roguish Behavior (@SimulacruMusial) June 28, 2017

Meanwhile, Chicago's competition in the NL Central is formidable. While the Cubs' roster looks broken and deteriorated, the Milwaukee Brewers look like a complete team. The Cubs' offense has looked utterly lost at the plate and totally un-clutch (batting a PATHETIC .231 with Runners in Scoring Position), while the Brew Crew are led by bashers like Eric Thames (aka Barry Bonds reincarnated), Travis Shaw, and the inexplicably filthy Eric Sogard (hits the ball So-Yard). Don't sleep on Hernan Perez either - with 10 home runs, 8 steals, and defensive versatility, he looks a true super-utility player, perhaps the next Ben Zobrist. Also Ryan Braun is on this team.

Point is, the sun has set on the North Side of Chicago. It's time for Theo Epstein to be realistic. This is Milwaukee's division. A team that can't stay above .500 has no business buying at the deadline - the prudent thing for the Cubs to do is tank and try to collect some prospects for their next run.

Kris Bryant should be traded to the Boston Red Sox, who have a deep farm system and are in desperate need of a third baseman. Throw in Jon Lester and Koji Uehara for old time's sake. The Cubbies could probably, at a minimum, get Andrew Benintendi, Rafael Devers, and Jay Groome in return.

Since the Cubs won't be contending this year, they have no use for a lights out closer. Wade Davis should be traded back to the resurgent Kansas City Royals for Jorge Soler. Unlike the Cubs, the Royals have managed to stay above .500 this year.

Nobody should be off limits: Anthony Rizzo, Javier Baez, etc., should all be moved for whatever the Cubs can get. The Cinderella Story was nice while it lasted - but it's time for Epstein to act before this supposed "team of destiny" turns into a pumpkin.

Return of the Pelf

Danville, Kentucky -- A man cannot undo his mistakes. He can only learn to live with them. This is the lesson taught to us when we wake up on a Sunday morning with aching, heavy limbs and a throbbing migraine, with vodka sweats oozing out of our pores after a night of sorrowful drinking alone. This is the lesson taught to us when the dream of NAFTA withdrawal -- the dream of undoing the foolish trade policy mistakes of Clinton and Bush -- recedes further and further into the realm of fanciful and wishful thinking. This is a lesson the Detroit Tigers must learn after foolishly parting ways with Mike Pelfrey, electric right-handed pitcher and ground-ball artist.

The Tigers cannot now undo the mistake of unconditionally releasing Mike Pelfrey; he has been signed by the Chicago White Sox, who will happily throw him out on the mound every fifth day on the Tigers' dime. The Tigers may deeply regret this move. A White Sox rotation anchored by Mike Pelfrey and James Shields would've been quite formidable in 2010. Pelfrey will join a White Sox team that is already off to a surprisingly strong start, thanks to Detroit Tiger turned Tiger-killer Avisail Garcia, a man on a mission to exact revenge against the team that traded him at the 2013 trade deadline. Pelfrey and Avisail will find common cause in their efforts to avenge the team that said they were no good. Fangraphs keeps calling Garcia a major regression candidate, but the eye-test says he has turned a corner. Avi is seeing the ball well; he has confidence at the plate and appears to have changed his swing approach in the off-season. The Tigers dismiss the newly-stacked White Sox at their own peril, especially since they offloaded known clubhouse cancers Chris Sale and Brett Lawrie.

The Tigers must learn to live with their mistake to put Pelfrey in the hands of a hated divisional rival. They have, to a degree. They sport a winning (11-10) record. Yet their bullpen remains a bigger, stinkier, hotter mess than the Creamy Jalapeno Wings at Chili's.

The Tigers bullpen bungles high-leverage situations like Paul Ryan bungles Obamacare repeal-and-replace efforts. They could really use a guy like Pelf right now; who can wiggle his way out of jams by inducing double-plays. Unfortunately, the Tigers will now be paying Pelfrey to turn those double-plays against them.

The circumstances are cruel; Pelfrey will face off against Matthew Boyd, the handsome young man who out-pitched him for the final rotation spot back in spring training. Pelfrey doesn't have Boyd's boyish good looks or disappearing change-up, but he does have pluck born from years of major-league experience.

It won't be easy for Pelfrey to return to Comerica Park, the stadium where he was regularly greeted with groans, hisses, boos, and obscenities. Pelf is a man of steel, and won't let the cool reception he inevitably faces shake him. With ice blood in his veins, Pelfrey will twirl ground-ball after ground-ball, doubling up plodding sluggers like Victor Martinez and Alex Avila with ease. Pelf has pitched well in Comerica Park as a visiting pitcher before. As the ace of the Minnesota Twins in 2015, Pelf turned in some of his finest performances against the Tigers:

That being said, Pelf will have his work cut out for him. The Tigers offense is not at full strength with Miguel Cabrera and JD Martinez missing in action, but Jim Aducci and John Hicks are just as dangerous in their own wily, gritty way. 

He's 2-2 with 2 RBI today. Give me a 31 year old journeyman who wants his shot over blue-chip top 100 prospects any day. #Tigers https://t.co/ncG7JvIV2c

— The Will To Win (@TWTWsports) April 23, 2017

When Pelf returns to the Motor City for his first game as an opposing pitcher since his untimely release, I predict a strong effort. Pelf will labor through 5 innings of 2 run ball, the only runs coming off a mistake pitch to the red-hot Tyler Collins. The Tigers have already made the mistake of releasing Pelfrey; the worst mistake they could make now is to underestimate him.

Save Our Sox: How to Replace David Price

Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, disaster can strike when you least expect it. Take it from me. Just the other day, my whole lunch was ruined when I tried to use an expired Wendy's coupon. The only thing that got me out of bed that morning was the idea of digging into a hot bowl of chili, baked potatoes with sour cream, topped off by a Baconator.

I planned my entire day around a trip to Wendy's for an early lunch. I got to my local Wendy's promptly at 11:15 AM, and placed my order: 1 bowl of Dave's famous chili, 1 baked potato with all the fixings, and 1 extra-large Baconator. My mouth was watering at the mere thought of that heaping stack of beef with thick peppery bacon snugged between those sizzling patties. I could practically taste the rich sour cream, chives, and shredded cheese that so lovingly adorn every wholesome baked potato served by Wendy's. I had a coupon for each component of my order. But when I went to pay, the cashier shot me down. My coupon was expired - the promotion only lasted through January. My world was upended. I was not prepared for this contingency. I had to improvise.

Good baseball teams are prepared to deal with unpredictable contingencies: like the stunning news that David Price might have to undergo Tommy John surgery. This revelation has caught the unprepared and poorly-managed Boston Red Sox totally flat-footed. Aside from acquiring the temper-tantrum prone Chris Sale in a blockbuster trade, the Sox have spent the off-season shedding invaluable pitching depth like Clay Buchholz, despite the voluminous injury histories of Steven Wright and Drew Pomeranz.

The Red Sox would be better positioned to absorb the loss of Price if they had kept Buchholz and been more aggressive in pursuing many of the high marquee pitchers available via free agency and trade. Jered Weaver could've been had. John Danks, R.A. Dickey, and Bartolo Colon were available as well. Any of those four pitchers would've made great additions to the suddenly thin Red Sox rotation. Big Bart Colon, in particular, was signed for a bargain price - he would've been an excellent fit in Fenway, and has been considerably more successful in the postseason than the overpaid playoff under-performer David Price.

But the past is past. The Red Sox need to look to the future. Fortunately, all is not lost. David Price is not as hard to replace as you might expect; especially with Rick Porcello, the reigning Cy Young champ and stalwart groundball guru, still leading the rotation. There are plenty of worthy arms available on the free agent market or via trade that would make excellent additions to the Red Sox rotation. Here are just a few:

DOUG FISTER

If I'm Dave Dombrowski, this guy is #1 on my list of replacement options. I laid out the case for why the Colorado Rockies should sign him earlier this winter. He's a groundball guy - the type of batted ball profile you want when you play home games in Fenway Park, a toy stadium that turns lazy fly balls into two-baggers thanks to the Green Monster. He rebuilt his value by winning 12 games in limited action with the Houston Astros last season. Just a couple of seasons ago he was a serious Cy Young candidate with the Washington Nationals, posting a sterling 2.41 ERA and 16 wins.

Moreover, Doug makes sense from a chemistry perspective. Dave Dombrowski knows this - back in 2011 he swung a season-changing trade for Doug Fister while serving as GM for the Detroit Tigers. In addition, Doug Fister and Rick Porcello are former teammates; while Rick is clearly now the groundball master, he wouldn't be what he is today if Fister hadn't taught him how to Dougie.

JAKE PEAVY

If I'm Dave the dealer, Peavy is option #2. The chemistry case for Jake the Snake is obvious. As the GM of the Tigers at the time, Dave is no doubt aware of the three team trade made in 2013 between the Tigers, Red Sox, and Chicago White Sox that won Boston the World Series. Avisail Garcia to Chicago. Jose Iglesias to Detroit. Jake Peavy to the Red Sox. And from there, the Red Sox to a World Series championship. In 2013, Peavy helped shepherd the Red Sox to the promised land. The next year, Peavy won the World Series again with the San Francisco Giants. Rings on rings on rings.

Peavy was injured in 2016, but posted a solid 3.73 ERA in 2014 and an even better 3.58 ERA in 2015. Both of those ERAs bested David Price's bloated 3.99 ERA in 2016. It's shocking to me that he is still unsigned. With the 2013 championship core slowly disappearing from the team - David Ortiz has retired, Mike Napoli has moved on, Buchholz has been traded - it's important to have some guys who have "been there before" around. Peavy has been there before. Bring him aboard, Dave.

CONCLUSION

There are other great options to be had. Perhaps the Tigers could be persuaded to part with the electric Mike Pelfrey. Tim Lincecum, Tim Hudson, and Matt Cain are other veterans who could be had for a bargain price, and who also have extensive postseason experience during the San Francisco Giants' reign of even-year dominance over the MLB. But Fister and Peavy are both no-brainers for the Red Sox. They can go toe-to-toe with David Price, particularly in the postseason where Price has always been a non-factor.

Sometimes you have to improvise. I ultimately didn't get my chili, baked potato, and Baconator. I planned my day around that Wendy's coupon - but life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. An expired coupon, like an unexpected elbow surgery, can be a bit of a gut punch. But it wasn't the end of the world, though I did have a bit of a meltdown that resulted in an embarrassing trip to the county sheriff's office and my expulsion from that Wendy's restaurant. I ate at Popeye's Chicken later that day and was pleasantly surprised by the quality of their mashed potatoes and spicy chicken. It wasn't the Baconator that I so craved, but sometimes, your second best option can be just as good as the real thing. Hopefully the Boston Red Sox learn that lesson before it's too late.

A Reds Fan's Christmas List

Danville, Kentucky -- Sometimes, it's hard to criticize those you love. Pete Rose won my heart with his reckless slides, lunch-pail mentality, and gritty home-plate collisions. I'm a huge fan of Pete Rose, so I'm willing to overlook his questionable gambling decisions. I'm a big fan of chicken tenders and onion rings, so I'm willing to overlook that my unhealthy intake of cholesterol is slowly killing me.

Folks, I'm a life-long Cincinnati Reds fan. It's easy for me to play armchair General Manager and give advice to the Dallas Cowboys, Detroit Tigers, Kansas City Royals, and Los Angeles Dodgers from the comfort of my favorite booth in my local Chilis. I don't care about their players like I care about my own team. But it's much harder to criticize the Reds, a team that has taken me to both euphoric heights and melancholic lows. I want to believe in my heart of hearts that Dick Williams, the Reds' new GM and successor to Walt Jocketty, understands the strengths and weaknesses of this Reds team well enough to make well-informed and competent decisions, but my faith has been shaken by the gross mismanagement of this once-proud franchise in recent years.

The Reds need a new direction. On their current trajectory it may take a decade for them to compete for the NL Central crown again. There's no sign of the Chicago Cubs' reign of terror ending any time soon. The cheaters from St. Louis have made some saavy moves this offseason, and with Cardinals Devil Magic™ on their side it is likely that any remaining roster holes will be filled by anonymous farmhands that unexpectedly become All Stars, à la Aledmys Diaz. This confluence of factors could leave the Reds locked in the basement unless radical changes are made.

This Christmas, I don't want a Playstation, a new Baseball Prospectus, Applebee's gift-cards, John Wayne DVDs, or expensive liquor. All I want is for the Reds to win again. Luckily, I know exactly what needs to be done to right the Reds' ship and restore glory to this franchise. My strategy might be bitter medicine or a difficult pill to swallow -- I for one routinely ignore warnings from my doctor that I should take my anti-cholesterol medication -- but it's absolutely what's needed to make the franchise competitive again.

Here's this Reds fan's Christmas wishlist:

1) A Trade That Sends Joey Votto to the Toronto Blue Jays

Folks, as someone who loved every minute of Joey Votto's 2010 MVP campaign, I feel totally comfortable saying that it is time to cut ties with him. Joey looks like he's fed up with the situation in Cincinnati; you can tell by the sullen look in his eyes that he's lost the passion he once had for the Redlegs and Great American Ballpark. Votto's contract has become an albatross -- his $225 million contract won't expire until 2023, well into President Trump's second term. Votto has become a one dimensional player: good at clogging the bases with his "plate discipline" and "OBP" but not the dynamic offensive player the Reds need.

It's time to send Joey across the border to his Canadian homeland. The Toronto Blue Jays are a perfect trade partner for the Reds. Bringing Toronto native Joey Votto home would be the most exciting thing to happen to Canada since the blockbuster R.A. Dickey trade. In addition, the Blue Jays will be in dire need of a slugger like Votto given that Jose Bautista and Edwin Encarnacion are likely to depart Toronto and sign elsewhere. Fortunately, the Blue Jays have some players that could help the Reds compete in the short term as well. The Reds should start by asking for Troy Tulowitzki, Francisco Liriano, and Jason Grilli in return.

Tulo -- a two-time gold-glover and perhaps the most sublime defensive shortstop in the MLB since Derek Jeter -- would solidify the Reds' shortstop position for years to come. In the meantime, infielders Zack Cozart and Eugenio Suarez could be converted to play first-base and third-base, giving the Reds sterling defenders around the diamond. It's a match made in heaven.

Francisco Liriano would give the Reds the starting pitching depth they desperately need. It's been no secret that the Reds rotation has been a bigger disaster than a Chipotle restroom since the misguided Johnny Cueto trade and the departure of Mat Latos. The Reds had a historically abysmal pitching staff last year. They even set a record for the most homers allowed in a single season. Only three starting pitchers threw more than 100 innings for the Reds, while only two threw more than 150 innings. That's a recipe for overworking an already soft bullpen. Fortunately, Liriano has thrown more than 160 innings in the past four seasons while posting a good ERA as well. Franky Liriano was a 16-game winner as recently as 2013. He'd easily plug into the top of the rotation and bring respectability back to the Reds' pitching staff.

Jason Grilli would instantly improve the horrific Reds bullpen. In 2015, Grilli amassed 24 saves with the Atlanta Braves; the Reds have had absolutely no stability in the closer role since they foolishly traded Aroldis Chapman to the New York Yankees in the biggest ripoff since the Corrupt Bargain of 1824. He'd be the cherry on top of what is already a great deal for the Reds. Do it, Tricky Dick Williams!

2) The Return of Jay Bruce

The Reds offense just didn't look the same after the New York Mets fleeced Cincinnati for Jay Bruce last season. They stranded so many runners in scoring position, mostly because of Votto's phobia of putting the ball in play. Folks, it's hard to score runs with men on second or third when Joey Votto only cares about drawing walks and getting to first base. It breaks my failing, decrepit heart to know that not all of Jay Bruce's 33 HRs and 99 RBIs in 2016 came in a Cincinnati uniform. Some analysts have suggested that the Mets might make Jay Bruce available. For the right price, the Reds should absolutely be in on him.

3) Joey Bats

Free agent dinger-machine Jose Bautista would not only give the Reds a formidable middle-of-the-order bat; he'd give the Redlegs what they need most: swagger. Folks, this Reds team had no personality last season. There's plenty of blame to go around for their 94-loss 2016 campaign, but let's not forget the lack of fire that the Reds showed sometimes. Joey Bats is the perfect guy to light a fire under this Reds team. He plays with gusto. Just imagine 42,000 screaming Reds fans on their feet after a titanic 450-foot no-doubt moonshot from Mr. Bautista. No team wins without a little attitude. For his star-power alone, the Reds must secure Bautista for 6 years and $150 million. Get it done, Dick.

4) Catcher Insurance

Folks, catcher Devin Mesoraco used to be one of my favorite Reds. I remember watching all 25 of his dingers in 2014. Devin might've been the best catcher in the NL Central not named Yadier Molina, but he's been perennially injured since then. The Reds need some insurance in the event that he is injured for an extended amount of time in 2017. The Reds could attempt to lure grandpa David Ross out of retirement; that would give the Reds privileged insights into the inner workings of the World Champion Chicago Cubs rotation. But the obvious solution is to bring Brayan Pena back, who was recently DFA'd by the Cardinals. Brayan had great chemistry with all our pitchers, and was a fan favorite during his tenure in Cincy. The Reds should have never let the emotional rock of their team go to their divisional rivals. I dare you to read Pena's tear-jerking expose on his defection from Cuba and tell me the Reds shouldn't sign him. Right this wrong, Mr. Williams.

5) Big Pasta

One of the only good moves the Reds made last offseason was bringing back Alfredo Simon to shore up the rotation. Unfortunately, the move didn't pay off exactly how the Reds wanted it to. Simon started only 11 games and pitched only 58.2 innings, thanks to injuries. It was a low risk move: Simon was only signed to a 1 year, $2 million contract. It's time to for the Reds to get a second helping of Pasta. Sign him to another 1 year deal. The last time Pasta was healthy, he won 15 games with the Reds in 2014 and 13 games with the Tigers in 2015. Pasta is only a couple years removed from being an All Star with the Reds.

When healthy, Pasta's eephus is meaner than Dick Cheney on a hunting trip.

What do the Reds have to lose by signing him? If he stays healthy and things go right, he has the floor of a back-end innings-eater and an All Star ceiling. It's a no-brainer.

CONCLUSION

The Reds are not as helpless as the biased mainstream baseball media would have you believe. Ken Rosenthal and the gang have already penciled the Cubbies in for another World Series victory, but with an aggressive offseason the Reds could put themselves right in the thick of things in the NL Central. Dick Williams can never undo the cataclysmic decisions to trade Cueto and Chapman, but he can restore a winning culture by bringing bonafide, proven major league talent back to Cincinnati.

The time for rebuilding is over. The Reds already have young stars like Billy Hamilton, Brandon Finnegan, and Eugenio Suarez to lead the team into the future. It's time to cut the dead-weight like Votto and give Cincy's young-guns a real supporting cast of productive veterans like Joey Bats and Tulo.

Every year at Christmas, Americans face a choice. They can take the easy way out and get their loved ones a candle or an Amazon gift card. Or they can go big. Reds General Manager Dick Williams faces a similar choice. 2016 could be another year of irrelevance for the Reds, another year of "trusting the process" and tanking. Or 2016 could be the year where the Reds push all their chips to the center and try to take the mighty Cubs head on. I know which one I'd rather unwrap on Christmas morning. Give Cincinnati the gift of winning, Mr. Williams.

They're Shuttin' Detroit Down: The Tragedy of the Tigers' Offseason

Danville, Kentucky -- America is a country that likes to live above its means. We love the frosty kiss of sweet, sweet artificial flavors and coloring so much that we grab the 44 ounce Slurpee instead of the more reasonably sized 16 ounce or 22 ounce cup. We can't fathom eating only 12 delicious boneless wings at Buffalo Wild Wings, so we order 18 of them instead. A 6 inch philly cheese-steak, dripping with sumptuous melted cheddar, would never suffice; we demand a foot-long sandwich. Regular SUVs are too 'beta' for many burly American men; so they drive colossal gas-guzzling Hummers. The M60 Patton tank was a thing of beauty, but when America defends freedom abroad these days our men and women in uniform use the gargantuan, 70-ton M1 Abrams tank. Americans homeowners love to buy big and flashy houses to signal our pride and success so much that we created a practice called sub-prime lending and caused an economic collapse. Americans love to go big or go home, regardless of price. It is a glorious lifestyle.

Folks, the Detroit Tigers are an All-American franchise. Their elderly owner Mike Ilitch has tried to spend his way to a World Series. But they too have been living beyond their means. The chunky contracts of Justin Verlander, Miguel Cabrera, Victor Martinez, Jordan Zimmermann, Justin Upton, and even the long-departed-but-still-on-the-payroll Prince Fielder, have finally caught up to the team, like a hefty bar tab that you hoped wouldn't come due.

Like a pissed off loan shark, 2nd year General Manager Al Avila has come to collect on Ilitch's overdue debts. The party is over, the guests are rushing towards the door, and Mr. Ilitch is about to get stuck with that eye-popping bill that nobody wanted to foot.

Folks, they're shutting Detroit down. Packing it in. Hanging up the cleats. Folding up the tent. Closing the window of contention. In an ominous press conference several weeks ago, Avila proclaimed "changes are coming" to the Tigers and that "we want to get younger, we want to get leaner, we want to run the organization without having to go over the means of the organization." They've already traded the loveable Cameron Maybin, a true fan favorite and spark-plug. There's talks of trading 2 time AL MVP and Triple-Crown winner Miguel Cabrera. There's talk of trading the 2011 AL MVP and Cy Young winner, Justin Verlander. There's talks of trading Ian Kinsler, the gritty-as-heck gold glove second-baseman. There's even talks of trading the electric Mike Pelfrey.

That's not what I would do if I were the GM. I would largely keep the current roster intact and try to patch-up the Tigers' weaknesses via free agency. The Tigers need a backup catcher? Alex Avila, the GM's son who so diligently handled the pitching staff for all those years, is available for a reunion. Need insurance at DH or another outfielder? Chris Carter and his 41 dingers can be had for a bargain price. Need to improve the Tigers' pitching staff? Fernando Rodney, Joe Blanton, and Rich Hill are obvious targets. Proven winners like Ryan Howard and Stephen Drew are available as well.

In spite of this bountiful free agent class, every indication points to a major downsizing of the Tigers' payroll. At a time when Donald Trump is bringing back blue-collar jobs to the rust belt, Mike Ilitch and Al Avila are going to send Detroit Tiger jobs abroad. Lifelong Detroit Tiger Verlander is by all indications headed to Hollywood.

Justin Verlander's new house is 19.2 miles from Dodger Stadium. https://t.co/4Cca9N14HE

— Bill Shea (@Bill_Shea19) December 1, 2016

Folks, a mass exodus of all baseball talent is not what the city of Detroit needs right now. The Pistons are coming back to Detroit. Thanks to Trump, manufacturing jobs are coming back to Detroit too. The Tigers nearly pulled off a comeback of their own this past season, falling just a couple games short of a playoff berth. Now is the time to double down and make one last run with this current roster. Don't blow up the team. Trading "face of the franchise" players like Verlander and Cabrera would be an insult to loyal fans. Comerica Park would be emptier than Tropicana Field or a Hillary Clinton rally. It would be a betrayal of the fans who have stuck by the team through thick and thin. It would be a betrayal of future Hall-of-Famer Miguel Cabrera, who has said he wants to retire a Tiger.

The Tigers' spending problems will naturally resolve themselves as several big contracts expire after the 2017 season. Listen: I like deal-makers, that's why I admired Dave Dombrowski and why I'm excited about eight years of Trump. If somebody calls Al Avila and offers a top prospect for Verlander or Cabrera, you have to listen. Or at least not hang up immediately, like I do when my parole officer calls. But the first rule of deal-making is to not seem desperate: if the guy on the other end of the phone senses panic, your leverage will evaporate. Stay strong, Mr. Avila. But remember: the fans will be heartbroken next season if Miguel Cabrera is wearing Bostonian red socks and Justin Verlander is wearing Dodger blue.

I hate this #mlbtheshow #PS4share pic.twitter.com/SeqCqjqiwA

— jingleswithbells (@catswithbats) November 6, 2016

What can be done? If you live in Michigan, write letters to your state Senators and Representatives. Tell them to slap steep tariffs on out-of-state baseball products if Avila trades popular players away. But at the end of the day, Mr. Avila needs to do the right thing: don't outsource Detroit's baseball talent to elitist teams on the coasts. The true fans would rather Let the Detroit Tigers Go Bankrupt from awful contracts than look Verlander and Cabrera in the eye and tell them that their run with the Tigers is over. Out on the coasts, in the land of high payrolls - Los Angeles, Boston, New York - they're still living it up. Here in the real world, they're shutting Detroit down.

Forgot About Cleveland: TWTW's 2016 World Series Preview

Danville, Kentucky -- This is the World Series they said would never happen. Two underdogs enter, but only one team's Cinderella Story will be consummated with a fairy-tale happy ending. The Cleveland Indians haven't won a World Series in 68 years, whereas the Chicago Cubs haven't won a World Series in 108 years. Two cities, both alike in dignity, both alike in their decades long championship droughts.

On the one hand we have the Chicago Cubs. The 103-win superteam and darlings of major league baseball. An impeccable combination of sparkling young talents -- Kris Bryant, Anthony Rizzo, Javier Baez -- and gritty veterans like Jon Lester, John Lackey, Ben Zobrist and Grandpa David Ross.

On the other hand are the Cleveland Indians: the underdogs of underdogs. The powers that be have bet against the Tribe every step of the way.

Take a look at crooked ESPN's playoff predictions:

The failing USA Today's predictions are no better:

Between the combined brain-trusts of ESPN and USA Today, more than 30 so-called 'experts' made MLB playoff predictions. Only 4 'experts' had Cleveland advancing out of the first round. Folks, I'll admit that even I under-estimated this team, although I did have no doubt they'd get past the Toronto Blue Jays in the ALCS.

How did everybody get the Indians so wrong?

Maybe they forgot about Mike Napoli, a man with a illustrious history of hitting clutch postseason knocks. Maybe they forgot about Coco Crisp, a veteran with the name of a cereal but the heart of a champion. Maybe they forgot about Josh Tomlin, the secret weapon of the Indians rotation and a more than adequate replacement for Danny Salazar and Carlos Carrasco. Maybe they forgot about Rajai Davis, the speedy man who runs the basepaths like Crooked Hillary runs from FBI indictments. Maybe they forgot about unlikely contributors such as Ryan Merritt, a spot-starter who became the unexpected hero of ALCS Game 5 by throwing 4 and 1/3 innings of shutout baseball against a scary Blue Jays offense. They certainly forgot about ALCS MVP Andrew Miller, Cleveland's relief ace and throwback to the multi-inning closers of old like Mariano Rivera and Dennis Eckersley.

No matter what their reasons were for counting out Cleveland, the 'experts' don't appear to have learned their lesson. The Cubbies and their shiny UZR ratings and sterling starting rotation FIP are already heavy favorites to hoist the Commissioner's Trophy when all is said and done.

Nate Silver's World Series projection is out and the Chicago Cubs are an enormous favorite https://t.co/VC3SNChKEn pic.twitter.com/xftaRnCWwH

— Business Insider (@businessinsider) October 24, 2016

In other words (for non-degenerates), Vegas has the most likely outcome being the Cubs winning the World Series in 5 or 6 games. https://t.co/Yf5TTbk5q3

— Nick Camino (@NickCaminoWTAM) October 24, 2016

Folks, I'm not sold on the Cubs. Jon Lester can't throw to first; it cost him the AL Wild Card game in 2014, and it will probably cost him against the Indians, an excellent baserunning unit. Aside from Aroldis Chapman, their bullpen lacks saavy veterans. It was a mistake for them to let Joe Nathan go. In addition, the Cubs are still a cursed team, as the Curse of the Billy Goat has yet to be lifted. Meanwhile, LeBron James and the Cavaliers have shown that Cleveland is not cursed and laid to rest any doubts that the city of Cleveland is capable of winning championships. Most importantly, Cleveland has home-field advantage thanks to Johnny Cueto's implosion and Eric Hosmer's heroics in the 2016 All Star Game. Cleveland has some of the best fans in baseball. The Indians and their fans are everything that's right about America: they're politically incorrect (like our next president), they're blue-collar, and they're homegrown. Chicago North Siders, on the other hand, tend to be out-of-touch elitists like this:

Folks, my gut tells me the Indians will win. They've already overcome adversity and numerous injuries to key players like Salazar, Carrasco, and Yan Gomes. Even Trevor Bauer showed more grit than I ever imagined was possible, by attempting to play through a lacerated thumb that was bleeding profusely.

My gut tells me Cleveland's winning formula will continue to win: get some clutch hits, get 4 or 5 solid innings from your starters and then get ready for Miller Time.

It's a shame one of these teams will have to end their season with a historically awful championship drought still alive. In that sense, October baseball is a crueler mistress than the woman I met at a Sonic Drive-In in Smyrna, Tennessee. We were having an affair, and chose to cap off a weekend of infidelity with the fantastic eats a man can only find at America's best drive-in food joint. When I wouldn't share my Chili Cheese Tots with her, chaos ensued.

In a fit of rage, she reached for my phone without me looking and texted my wife, confessing to the tryst. And thus my fourth marriage was ended. The Cubs' magical season could meet a similarly heart-wrenching end if the Indians continue to win against all odds and all sabermetric logic. Just like a man can only legally have one wife, only one team will emerge from the World Series with their depressing drought dispelled. I wouldn't bet against Cleveland, the city that has already proved so many folks wrong.

Rich Hill: LA's Last Best Hope

Danville, Kentucky -- In his 1949 treatise titled The Hero with a Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell forwarded the concept of the monomyth. In Campbell's estimation, all human storytelling follows a universal narrative. An every-man hero abandons his mundane, familiar lifestyle to embark on a mysterious and dangerous adventure. Eventually, the hero discovers within himself strength and might beyond his imagination, culminating in the ultimate defeat of his nemesis.

But every hero requires a mentor: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Gandalf, Doc Brown, Optimus Prime, or the biblical John the Baptist. Baseball teams hungry for postseason glory are no different. Show me a World Series champion, and I'll show you a wizened, grisly old veteran who taught the team how to rub dirt on their wounds and never stop fighting. Just take a look at the rosters of the past three World Series Champions. The 2013 Boston Red Sox had David Ortiz, John Lackey, and Jake Peavy as its emotional anchors. The 2014 San Francisco Giants had the aging finesse pitcher Tim Hudson, and also Jake Peavy. The 2015 World Series Champion Kansas City Royals™ didn't have Jake Peavy, but they did have the towering Chris Young and consummately professional Ryan Madson.

Folks, Rich Hill can be the Los Angeles Dodgers' Jake Peavy.

In this Danville man's expert opinion, a showdown between the Dodgers and Chicago Cubs in the National League Championship Series is looking increasingly likely. The over-hyped Bryce Harper has been in hibernation for several months, clearing a path for the Dodgers to defeat the Washington Nationals. Meanwhile, the Cubs hold a commanding 2-0 series lead in the NLDS over the seemingly un-killable Giants. Don't count out the Giants until their pulse is gone and the corpse has gone into rigor mortis, but I like the Cubs' chances to win that series too. The real question is: do the Dodgers have the veteran presence of mind to get past this historically excellent Cubs team?

I know nerds are getting hot and bothered about the Cubs. They're the odds-on favorites to win it all this October and ride back to the North-Side of Chicago atop a celebratory parade. Nate Silver and company, the folks who have continually bungled 2016 presidential election forecasts, have all but crowned the Cubs as World Series champs.

 We've all seen the saberphiles drool about their run differential.

ICYMI: that cubs run differential... pic.twitter.com/86KbmTNMtv

— Ben Dilday (@BenDilday) October 5, 2016

But don't sleep on the Dodgers. The Cubbies may have David Ross and Ben Zobrist to provide veteran leadership; but don't underestimate what sagacious slugger Adrian Gonzalez brings to the table for the Trolley Dodgers, especially when combined with the supernatural phenom talent of ace Clayton Kershaw.

The Dodgers' true ace-in-the-hole is Rich Hill, a 36-year old left-handed pitcher who is craftier than the lawyers who keep getting Hillary Clinton acquitted for manslaughter and purgery. Rich Hill seemed to be destined for the glue factory after hitting free agency last off-season, consigned to irrelevance like the Randy Wolfs of the world. But then he did something that the spreadsheet gazers didn't expect: he had a career season with the Oakland Athletics, pitching like some sort of 'Clayton Kershaw-lite' when he wasn't battling blisters and other random health issues. After being snubbed by most MLB teams last offseason, Hill is now poised to make bank when he hits free agency this offseason, especially in a market mostly devoid of good pitchers.

Now, 'Clayton Kershaw-lite' and the real Clayton Kershaw have an opportunity to lead the Dodgers to their first championship since the heroic Kirk Gibson wore Dodger blue. A 1-2 punch of lefties Kershaw and Hill can match anybody in the league.

Old Richard Hill doesn't overpower hitters; he has what old-school scouts would call a 'Bugs Bunny' curveball that loops and droops across the strike-zone as if he's pulling it with a string. Velocity alone doesn't get it done in the postseason. You need grit, skill, and wiliness, like Mr. Hill has.

Rich has been around the block: been there, done that. He's played on the East Coast with the Red Sox, and on the West Coast with Billy Beane's team. He's peed on his blisters, like all men of a certain age eventually do. And at age 36, he isn't getting any younger. He wants a ring, and he wants it now. Clayton Kershaw, a mythic hero in the Campbellian sense, may be the team's spiritual leader. But to accomplish his mission and discover his own inner powers he will need a mentor, just like Luke Skywalker and Marty McFly did. Kershaw needs Rich Hill. The Dodgers need Rich Hill. He's their only hope.

TWTW's 2016 ALDS Preview

Danville, Kentucky -- Boston once had a massacre, which in turn led Boston to host a Tea Party. That fine town audaciously launched a righteous revolution against the repressive British Crown. You can still see hints of that insurgent spirit any time Dustin Pedroia slides hard into second base, dirtying his home whites like a ragtag rebel might've muddied his militia apparel at the Battle of Lexington. It is a tenacious and indefatigable spirit that has animated American heroes from Boston's own John Adams to Ted Williams. The grit of grinders like Pedroia can still be found by those who know where to look for it; but the city is now better symbolized by overpaid softies like Drew Pomeranz and Pablo Sandoval, ex-patriots of the liberal elitist West Coast who have found a new home in the land of chowder and lobster. Boston used to be a city I could believe in; but no more.

Cleveland is a city I can and can't believe in. I believe in Cleveland's people, it's missing manufacturing jobs, it's symbolic figurehead LeBron James, it's willingness to host the 2016 Republican National Convention, and its scrappy youngsters Jose Ramirez and Tyler Naquin. I can't believe in Cleveland's shocking dismissal of clubhouse hero Juan Uribe, or their continued faith in Trevor Bauer, a nerd-boy who cares more about playing Pokemon and piloting drones than winning baseball games.

Cleveland doesn't believe in itself either: despite fielding a division winning team with World Series ambitions, the city has all but neglected the AL Central Champion Indians, leading to pathetic attendance figures in an otherwise magical season.

I can't believe in Boston, or Cleveland. But there is one man I can believe in: Rick Porcello. More importantly, Rick Porcello is a man who believes in Rick Porcello. I've written extensively about this kid, still only 27 years old and yet to hit his ceiling. Even in his darkest days, when he was public enemy #1 in Beantown, I never stopped believing, and neither did he.

The Sox giving Porcello a 4 year, $82 million extension might be the worst contract extension in baseball history. #RedSox #PorcelloSucks

— O (@TheOaty) July 30, 2015

Didn't ESPN write about how Porcello is going to be a Cy Young finalist? He sucks. That contract is one of the five worst in baseball.

— Ryan Landreth (@ryan_landreth) May 18, 2016

Holy fuck Porcello sucks

— Peacone36 (@Peacone36) May 22, 2016

After being reviled by Boston fans for more than a year, the rough-and-tumble kid from New Jersey is now a bonafide Cy Young candidate and sports a 22-4 Win/Loss Record that's prettier than Melania Trump. The fans can't get enough of him. The kid's got a sinker that sinks out of the strike-zone like Hillary Clinton sinks in the polls with each subsequent release of emails from Wikileaks. He's a groundball machine, more interested in getting his teammates involved in the game than putting on a show with strikeouts. He's stingy with walks: pounding the strike-zone with a precision matched only by the precision of Obama's unconstitutional drone strikes in Yemen and Pakistan.

Folks, I can't bet against Rick, and I can't bet against the Red Sox. The kid has 22 wins, and will be backed up by another man who has played postseason hero for Boston in the past: Clay Buchholz. Porcello and Buchholz are a hell of a 1-2 punch, a playoff rotation that far surpasses anything the injury-hobbled Indians will be able to compete with. Cleveland is hungry, but the ageless David Ortiz is hungrier.

Baseball is a team sport: but October is where heroes emerge. Porcello's teammate David Price is a perennial playoff choker; but Rick is about to set himself apart. This Autumn, Rick Porcello will achieve mythic status alongside past Red Sox greats like Pedro Martinez, future U.S. President Curt Schilling, and Derek Lowe. Underneath the bright lights of Fenway, a legend will be born.

TWTW's 2016 NL Wild Card Game Preview

Danville, Kentucky - 2016 has and will be the year of Queens, New York. Although this picturesque borough is mainly known for being the hometown of Spider-Man, it is also the birthplace of our next President and the home of a team primed for October glory: The New York Mets. One day, future generations of Americans will look back on this fateful year and wonder how so much political and athletic talent could be housed in one city.

Where's Donald?

Like Donald Trump, the Mets have been underestimated. Prognosticators didn't think Trump had a chance to win the Republican Party's nomination for President after going where no politician had gone before, after shattering the politically-correct consensus by telling it like it is regarding losers like John McCain and Rosie O'Donnell. The Mets know the feeling: the lamestream baseball media counted the Mets out once they lost aces Matt Harvey and Jacob DeGrom.

But here we are: weeks away from when the next World Series Champion and next President of the United States will be coronated. Donald Trump and the Mets are ready to silence the doubters and prove that they're winners. Don't bet against Trump, and don't bet against the Mets as they square off against the San Francisco Giants: here's why.

The Giants are a team that limped into the playoffs. They had a 2nd half record of 26 wins and 42 losses; a figure you might expect to see from a lowly team like the Phillies or Braves. Like the 2014 Oakland Athletics, the Giants were done in by a horrible trade that destroyed the team's chemistry: a deal that sent fan favorite and scrappy underdog Matt Duffy to the over-rated Rays castoff Matt Moore. I'm not even sure postseason legend Madison Bumgarner can fix this team's issues.

A team from San Francisco that disappears when it matters most? Sounds familiar if you ask me. Let's just say they wouldn't be the first Bay Area team to collapse under pressure this year.

The Warriors Blew a 3-1 Lead in the NBA Finals

On the other hand, the Mets fought tooth and nail to get into the playoffs. They've been led by aging vets like Bartolo Colon and Curtis Granderson, who are hungry for a ring. They've been led by otherworldly phenom talents like Yoenis Cespedes and Noah Syndergaard. They've overcome injuries and adversity. The Mets simply want it more than the Giants, even-year magic be damned. Queens has already given our country so much: the 1965 Beatles concert at Shea Stadium, excellent Greek cuisine, our next president, and Simon and Garfunkel. This Danville man thinks that this October they have one more legend to bestow upon us.