Hands Off My Trumpcare!

Danville, Kentucky -- America is a nation of builders. We love to create, construct, craft, and assemble. We built the glorious visages of Mt. Rushmore, the Washington Monument’s skyward spire, the winding highways upon which our systems of commerce depend, and the golden arches that litter strip malls around our good land.

But America also loves to destroy. To demolish, obliterate, erase, and unmoor the foundations of yesterday to make room for tomorrow.

Folks, I know this truth more than most Americans. Around 2009 I had a gig on a demolition crew. We were the most over-qualified demolition crew ever. In the aftermath of the 2008 Obama recession, folks were desperate for jobs. My co-workers and fellow demolition enthusiasts included ex-real estate agents, laid off auto engineers, some scrawny kid with a degree in supply chain management, an ex-quality control specialist, a guy from middle management of a dishwasher manufacturer, and recent college graduates who left their cozy campuses only to find a barren job market. We were an unlikely bunch, but we all needed to provide for our families, and folks willing to get their hands dirty while knocking down old buildings are always in demand. Some of these folks were not accustomed to the blue-collar lifestyle, unfamiliar with the sound and the fury that accompanies demolition projects. But they didn’t complain. Beggars can’t be choosers. They were just grateful to have any job at all.

Folks, if you ignored the pressing economic conditions that led us to enter the demolition business, it was rewarding employment. Dismantling a building brick by brick and stone by stone is quite a rush. There's nothing more exhilarating than knocking down walls with only a sledgehammer and your own inner fury. Sometimes, as I would hack away with my trusty chainsaw, I’d imagine the faces of the elites who authored the financial crisis: John McCain, Harry Reid, Meryl Streep, George Bush, Bill Clinton, Michael Moore. It was an outlet for the lingering rage I felt towards a country and government that had abandoned and forsaken me.

A few months after starting the job, I had a horrible workplace accident. Some bozo dropped a tool-case full of heavy equipment on my right foot and shattered several bones. The foot had been infected with gout a few years prior. Insurance companies wouldn’t cover the injury because of this pre-existing condition. I can't really blame them, folks. Why would they want to insure me? I would cost the insurance company a ton of money, and the insurance company folks are trying to run a business after all. I couldn’t afford to pay for the surgical procedures that would repair my foot, or even a cast. But whose fault is that? I can't afford a Blu-Ray player or a motor scooter either, should the government provide me subsidies to purchase those too?

My dilemma illuminates the basic crisis facing the American healthcare system: folks get hurt or sick, and want big government to fix all their problems. Thanks to Obamacare, a startling throwback to the centrally-planned nightmare of Soviet Russia, America’s healthcare system is in worse shape than ever. The problem is that millennials want free stuff from the government, and they want taxpayers to foot the bill. Folks, we should know by now that government is the problem not the solution, as President Reagan once said. What America’s healthcare system needs is not more communist solutions like Obamacare. We need to unleash the ingenuity of America’s private sector.

When I look around America, I see folks struggling. I see folks in my own Kentucky neighborhood suffering from black lung, or toiling because of opioid addiction. Trump needs to fix this morass, and turn the socialist horrors of Obamacare into the free market brilliance of Trumpcare. Here’s how to make American healthcare great again – greater than ever before:

PROHIBIT DENIAL OF COVERAGE BECAUSE OF PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS

Folks, the government needs to make sure that what happened to me never happens to anyone else. Because no company would give me insurance after my demolition accident, I could never receive treatment for my gout or the shattered bones in my foot. I had to wrap duct-tape around my foot until it healed. I went through so many pairs of socks because of my foot’s annoying habit of continually bleeding. It’s a no brainer for the government to step in and guarantee that the insurance companies don’t snub hardworking folks who are between a rock and a hard place.

CREATE TAX CREDITS FOR SMALL BUSINESSES THAT PROVIDE INSURANCE

Folks, providing healthcare can be expensive. Especially if you’re a “mom and pop” business. Many small businesses would like to offer healthcare plans to their employees, but have trouble finding the resources to do so. To nudge the market in the right direction, the government should offer tax credits to compensate businesses that help their employees pay for coverage. Loyalty to one’s employees should be rewarded, folks. Offering tax cuts to businesses that exhibit loyalty to their employees allows us to both expand coverage while adhering to conservative principles.

LET KIDS STAY ON THEIR PARENTS’ PLANS

Folks, it’s hard for young kids to get insurance these days thanks to the Obama recession. Fewer jobs means fewer employers willing to offer coverage to their employees. If their parents already have a coverage plan, why not let the kids stay on it just a little bit longer? How about until the children turn 26? Kids these days are already freeloaders, so there’s no harm in giving parents some peace of mind by making sure they can keep their kids covered for a little bit longer.

KEEP MEDICARE AND SOCIAL SECURITY

Trump did not campaign on corporate lackey Paul Ryan’s callous austerity platform which entails huge cuts to Medicare and Social Security. I voted for Trump because he promised to keep the good government programs that help people like me while ensuring that foreigners don't steal our entitlements. Trump reached me like no politician since Barry Goldwater or Joe Biden has reached me before. Trump understands that sometimes the government needs to lend a helping hand to hardworking folks like myself. That’s why Donald said “you need to help people” even though “it's not very Republican to say.”


Donald Trump is the man that told Americans he wouldn’t allow folks to die in the street. Meanwhile, Paul Ryan wants us to die in the streets, or at a minimum to be sent to poorhouses like Victorian England. Every senior citizen receiving affordable life-saving treatment thanks to LBJ’s Great Society programs is just a leech sapping resources and committing theft against taxpayers in the eyes of Paul Ryan, America's blue-eyed executioner. The silent majority did not vote to kill our grandparents. We did not vote for Paul Ryan’s “Better Way,” Donald.

REQUIRE PEOPLE TO BUY INSURANCE, AND OFFER SUBSIDIES TO THOSE WHO CAN’T

Nobody should have to foot their own healthcare bill when disaster strikes. When I grievously wounded my foot, I had to sell my cherished baseball card collection and favorite motorcycle to afford treatment. That’s not ideal. If we’re going to stop insurance companies from denying coverage to people with pre-existing conditions, we need to mandate that everyone has insurance or the market will enter a death spiral. We can’t have ONLY sick people in the insurance market, we need healthy people as well. Thomas Paine would call that commonsense, folks. The best part is that my plan utilizes free market forces to help increase coverage.

CONCLUSION

Thanks to my hard work, I eventually paid for the treatments and my foot healed. These days, I enjoy going to the old Danville High football field and practicing my field goal kick with that formerly maimed foot. I’m still a great kicker, better than lots of NFL kickers I’d reckon. But not all folks are as lucky as me. For those who can’t raise the funds to pay for their expensive medical treatments, the government should be a force for good and help these folks achieve their American Dream. America loves to both create and destroy. That’s why Trump should annihilate Obamacare and replace it with the commonsense conservative plan I have outlined here. From the ashes of our current healthcare disaster, we will build a workable alternative. You’re gonna love Trumpcare, folks.

TWTW's Packers vs. Lions Sunday Night Football Preview

Danville, Kentucky -- President Reagan once said "it is better to be respected than loved." This motto was the driving force behind his administration as he restored American moral authority worldwide and brought an end to the Cold War. Reagan's timeless adage is not only true in the realm of politics; it is also true on the gridiron. But respect is earned, not given. Like many men of my generation, I learned this lesson on the football field.

In my youth, football was the sport of choice for young Danville men during the brisk Kentucky fall. Every day after school we'd head to a patch of grass near an old, abandoned bottling factory and play two-hand touch football. As a 3rd grader, I fell in love with the game of football. I fell in love with the smell of dead leaves, the feel of slick mud and grass stains on my pants, and the touch of the leathery pigskin in my palms.

But there came a day when my gridiron utopia was assaulted. Some 5th graders showed up at our favorite playing spot near the long-closed bottling factory. They took over the field and imposed their own rules. The big kids didn't want to play two-hand touch. They played tackle football, a scary idea given the size and heft of some of these 5th graders. I could've backed down that day, and found some other place to play football with kids my own age, but I didn't.

Against my better judgement and my mom's pleas to not play such a violent and dangerous game, I began to play tackle football with the 5th graders. It didn't go well initially. The 5th graders wouldn't pass me the ball. When they did, I'd immediately get decked by kids twice my size. They seemed to enjoy beating up on me. We didn't wear helmets or pads, folks; each tackle meant a mouthful of earthy muck and unsightly bruises.

I remember the day I earned the respect of the 5th graders. It was winter of 1966. The ground was damp, and cold. We had already played three or four games of football that day, and everybody was more tired and worn-out than Megyn Kelly's sorry excuse for a prime-time news show. We agreed to play one last game that day before we would all head home for dinner. My team -- a rag-tag bunch of my fellow 3rd graders and a couple of 5th graders nice enough to join us -- had trailed most of the game but had an opportunity to head home on a high note. The game was tied. It was fourth down, and we were deep in enemy territory.

I was playing fullback, because I was one of the few kids big enough and wide enough to not get totally knocked around and brutalized by the 5th graders. Our quarterback called a fullback dive. He put the game in my hands. He had faith that I could punch the ball across the goal line to give our team the win. He believed in me. But he didn't respect me. Not yet.

On that fateful final play, I scored a touchdown, but not before getting mercilessly slammed into the ground. After emerging from the mangled pile of limbs in the end-zone, I had done it. I had EARNED the respect of the 5th graders. With blood trickling from my knees and dirty grass stains on my favorite Cleveland Browns shirt, a wry smile crept across my face as my teammates congratulated me. I felt a special type of satisfaction as I ate my mother's meatloaf that evening at dinner.

Lions vs. Packers: Pride and Respect On The Line

This Sunday night, the NFC North title is on the line. But respect is on the line as well. Folks, the Detroit Lions are on the cusp of finally earning the respect of the NFL's big kids; of graduating from two-hand touch to tackle football. Having endured decades of ridicule and derision from the NFL's talking head commentators, the Lions have a chance to silence their doubters and begin a new era of football in the Motor City. All they have to do is beat the Green Bay Packers and their immaculately photogenic quarterback, Aaron Rodgers.

Folks, it won't be an easy task. The Packers are a formidable opponent, and it's no secret that the NFL would rather have playoff games hosted in Lambeau than Ford Field. The NFL has a financial stake in continuing the Aaron Rodgers iron man narrative; he's one of the league's most recognizable faces and sells a ton of jerseys. Roger Goodell and company want Rodgers to succeed, and they're perfectly willing to stack the deck against the Lions do to so. The NFL hasn't hesitated to keep the Lions down in the past. The history of the Detroit Lions is a history of questionable calls against them.

Remember the 2014 playoffs, when the refs called pass interference on the Dallas Cowboys, only to pick up the flag?

Remember the no-call on Seattle's illegal bat last season?

Remember the phantom face-mask last year that set up an NFL-manufactured Packers comeback victory?

Folks, just a couple of weeks ago a referee admitted to improperly penalizing the Lions for an infraction committed by the Chicago Bears.

This is but a small taste of the daunting task before the Lions: not only do they have to defeat the NFL's golden boy Aaron Rodgers, they have to defeat the officiating crew, which is typically composed of a bunch of closet cheeseheads.

Lots of folks dismiss this line of argument as conspiracy theorizing. But rigging happens all the time. Wikileaks showed us that the democratic primary was rigged against Bernie Sanders. The NCAA playoff selection committee was rigged against Penn State. What makes people think the NFL doesn't also engage in rigging, especially with so much money on the line? It's naive to suggest otherwise.

PREDICTION

Fortunately, there may be hope for the Lions. Don't get me wrong. The Lions have their weaknesses. Their running game is weak. They are over-reliant on the passing game, and have struggled to score points in the red zone because they can't punch the ball across the goal line like I did back in '66.

But the Lions have several factors working in their favor. First, Wisconsin men are not men of their word. Aaron Rodgers promised that Green Bay would "run the table" in their final games of the season en-route to a playoff berth. Folks, I'm old enough to remember when Paul Ryan, a republican representative from Wisconsin and Speaker of the House, promised our nation Obamacare repeal, a restored economy, and high paying jobs. He's been the house speaker for a full year and we're still no closer to a return to small government principles. Men from Wisconsin often promise things they can't deliver, Rodgers is no different folks. The Packers may very well take this "L" like Paul Ryan has been taking Ls all year.

Second, the Lions have home-field advantage. Ford Field will be packed with tens of thousands of hungry Lions fans rooting for something that hasn't happened in Detroit for more than twenty years: a division championship. The Lions will be led by Matthew Stafford, an MVP candidate entering his prime. Folks, if I were a Lions fan (I'm not, I'm a Bengals fan wishing a blue collar team well from afar) I'd be encouraged by what I saw in the first half of their showdown in Dallas last week. Stafford looked like the best field-general I've seen since Douglas MacArthur. He orchestrated an excellent up-tempo, no-huddle offense that reminded me of the glory days of Jim Kelly's Buffalo Bills. Such an offensive assault may leave the defensively-challenged Packers in disarray.

That wasn't the only positive sign for the Lions last week. A legit running game option for Detroit emerged: Zach Zenner, an un-drafted free agent and former South Dakota State Jackrabbit. Folks, when I see Mr. Zenner pound the ball across the line of scrimmage, I see myself 50 years ago in that abandoned field back in Danville. This kid knows how to run. He's got more heart than all of Milwaukee. He may just help the Lions win their first division championship since 1993.

That's Zach Zenner in the thick of that dog-pile, being gritty as heck.

It won't be easy, folks. The deck is stacked against them. But the Lions might -- just might -- beat Green Bay tonight. With an NFC North title under their belt, the Lions will not only be beloved by their loyal fans: they will be respected by a league that was dead-set on their elimination.

Benedict Ryan: Paul RINO for Prison

Danville, Kentucky - In the Winter of 1778 the nascent Continental Army was between the devil and the deep blue sea, or between a rock and a hard place, whichever metaphor you prefer. King George III's forces -- better trained, better equipped, and better fed than those of the colonies -- were converging upon the American south. Savannah was captured. Soon Charleston would be as well. Things looked bleak.

For true patriots, it was a time to come together. To cauterize our wounds, rally around weak bonfires for warmth, and sing lowly anthems of freedom with our countrymen. 

But not all were as stout-hearted as the men who endured the bitter cold of Valley Forge. Times of war reveal not only the best of us, but the worst of us. For every General Washington, there is a Benedict Arnold. By 1782, Benedict Arnold was not spending his winters huddled around campfires with his brothers-in-arms. He spent them in London, in the cushioned lap of the tyrant George III, the man who denied a continent their self-evident and inalienable rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. 

Benedict Arnold: Paul Ryan's spiritual ancestor

Folks, America once again finds itself in a war for the nation's very soul. Donald J. Trump has launched a revolution against the tyranny of liberalism and political correctness. In his fight to Make America Great Again, Donald has both made enemies and enlisted allies. One such reluctant ally has been Speaker of the House of Paul Ryan, a representative of Wisconsin and running-mate of the failed Mitt Romney. Ryan has never completely embraced Mr. Trump, preferring to keep his distance so that he can continue to cut crooked deals with America's political and corporate elites. 

But now, Paul Ryan has turned coat. Pulled a Benedict Arnold. Gone full Boromir. Trump's locker-room talk offended the Puritanical sensibilities of Speaker Ryan so much that Ryan has stabbed Donald in the back, vowing not to defend or campaign with Donald in a secret meeting with other *RINO traitors yesterday. Speaker Ryan broke the #1 rule of politics and deal-making: you don't go against the family. 

Folks, we should've seen it coming. Wisconsin is a state of traitors. Reince Preibus -- the GOP establishment shill who refuses to devote the full power of the RNC in service of Trump's campaign -- is from Wisconsin. Brett Favre -- the former Green Bay Packer who betrayed his hard-working and loyal fans by signing with the blood rival Vikings of Minnesota -- once called Wisconsin his home. It wouldn't surprise me if Speaker Ryan is actually considering a move to the Democratic stronghold of Minnesota. He'll live in St. Paul and run for office there, much like Crooked Hillary Clinton's carpetbagging to New York City, or Favre's departure for the Vikings.

Paul Ryan has now made his bed; he must now lie in it. Unfortunately for Ryan, it will be a prison bed. Donald has already put Hillary on notice: she'll be jailed when he wins. Donald, I hope there is room for two in that cell. 

*RINO = Republican In Name Only

Make Debating Great Again: Why Donald Must Debate Bernie

Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, I was never on the debate team in high school. I was too busy throwing no-hitters for the Danville High Admirals and spitting game with the local lasses. But I don't need a fancy debating pedigree to know that Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders have a chance to make history. The 1858 debate between Abraham Lincoln and Stephen A. Douglas (not to be confused with Stephen A. Smith) was ground breaking, and spawned an entire format of debate that high schoolers participate in to this day -- or so I'm told at these parent-teacher conferences that I try my hardest to mentally check out of. Donald and Bernie recently expressed interest in a debate, but Donald has inexplicably backed out. A debate between Donald Trump and Marxist underdog candidate Bernie Sanders would be just as impactful and world-changing as the Lincoln-Douglas debates of old, if only Donald can muster the courage to go through with it.

A high-profile debate against the new face of the democratic party offers a golden opportunity for Donald to define key narratives of the general election. Aside from being an epic clash of worldviews -- between Donald's America-first nationalism and Bernie's beggars-first moocherism -- Trump has a chance to cogently lay out the case for why America must be made great again, by debating against one of the big-spending Senators responsible for America's decline.

Donald is a fighter. He's never let fear get the best of him before, expect when he dodged the draft and pretended to be his own publicist. When Donald is faced with adversity, he confronts it head on, then makes the problem go away with his considerable financial resources. If he's not a coward, Donald must debate Bernie. And he must make these points:

#1 Attack Hillary

Bernie has tons of momentum heading into the California primary, having recently won crucial states like Oregon and West Virginia, home of the once proud miners whose lives have been decimated by Hillary and Obama's war on coal. Bernie keeps on winning primaries. You won't hear it from the Clinton-funded establishment media, but the delegate race is tightening by the hour as Bernie continues to forment a revolution against NAFTA and rich people. Once the results of the rigged Nevada primary are invalidated via judicial decree, Bernie will have a commanding delegate lead heading to the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia. The super-delegate race is primed to flip in Bernie's favor as well. Bernie's opponent, crooked Hillary, will be indicted and imprisoned for emailing on the job any day now. Things are looking up for Bernie.

Nonetheless, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, George Soros, George Clooney and the liberal-democratic Illuminati will never let Sanders be the democratic nominee. The democratic nomination has been signed, sealed, and delivered to Crooked Hillary. Donald must remember that he is not running against Bernie Sanders, and keep his eye on the prize. Bernie has been too afraid to attack Hillary for emailing on the job, but Donald must stay on the attack.

#2 Emphasize Common Ground

Bernie and Donald have alot in common. They're both great family men. They're both men of the people. Both of them despise President Obama and seek to reverse his signature accomplishments. They both want to protect American workers like me and my Uncle Bert. They're the only two politicians willing to speak the truth about the horrors of NAFTA, the back-stabbing trade deal that brought us shuttered factories and buffalo wing inflation. Donald needs to make sure these commonalities are not lost on his audience. Fortunately, Donald is at his best when everyone on the stage agrees with him, as evidenced by his stirring debate performances throughout the Republican primary. Being able to emphasize areas of agreement between himself and Bernie will help Trump peel away disaffected Bernie Bros from Hillary in the general election, ensuring a Trump sweep of rustbelt swing states like Michigan, Ohio, and Pennsylvania.

#3 Insult Bernie

OK, folks. Everyone knows Donald and Bernie have some stuff in common, like great hair and yuge stage presence. But Donald needs to assert dominance. Nobody is watching presidential debates to learn about issues. Folks want to see fireworks and beat-downs you can usually only find on professional wrestling. Donald needs to do what he does best: don't worry about explaining policy details or ideological differences, just insult and belittle your opponent. Make fun of Bernie for only getting divorced once; real men have usually had three or four wives by the time they're Bernie's age. Make fun of Bernie for being poor and driving a normal car instead of flying around in Trump Force One. Mock Bernie's wife for not being as hot as Melania. This is the stuff presidents are made of.

#4 Insult Loser Republicans

Donald needs to realize Crooked Hillary is not his only enemy. The Bush-Romney-Ryan GOP establishment axis are already planning to blindside Donald by supporting an independent RINO candidate to destroy the Republican party from within and stop Trump.

Just a heads up over this holiday weekend: There will be an independent candidate--an impressive one, with a strong team and a real chance.

— Bill Kristol (@BillKristol) May 29, 2016

Donald needs to use the debate stage to preempt the traitorous treachery of the GOP establishment that is hell-bent on stopping him at all costs. That means insulting loser Republicans, even if they aren't on stage. Call John McCain a weenie. Call Jeb low-energy. Rattle off some one-liners about Lyin' Ted, Awkward Mitt, and Little Marco, even though they dropped out of the race months ago. Nerds have questioned the wisdom of Donald randomly attacking members of his own party. Folks, these worry-warts have never run a smash-hit campaign like Donald or written a masterpiece like Art of the Deal. Donald became the Republican nominee because folks love it when he attacks Republicans. Worry about uniting the party latter. In the meantime, let the zingers fly.

#5 Suggest A Trump-Sanders Ticket 

Lyin' Ted and Kasich's futile attempt to team up and stop Trump was an abysmal failure, as was the #NeverTrump movement. But Donald has an opportunity to create a ticket that would be Crooked Hillary's worst nightmare: a Trump-Sanders duo that would sweep through the industrial Midwest en route to a historic victory. Such a ticket would divide the democratic party and doom Hillary, simultaneously saving America in the process.

CONCLUSION

A Trump-Sanders debate would be a massive cultural event. Normally you have to go to a New York deli to watch old bald men from Brooklyn and Queens yell at eachother. Only this argument isn't about Rye vs. Pumpernickel or Lox vs Pastrami; it's an argument about the fate of America itself.

Expect sky-high ratings. Expect wall-to-wall coverage. Expect me to get kicked out of Buffalo Wild Wings when the manager refuses to change the channel on one of their grotesquely large TVs to the Trump-Sanders debate, for fear of disrupting an ESPN-3 women's college softball game. Expect Crooked Hillary to quiver in fear. Expect the tradition of American political debates to be great again. Greater than ever before.