Royal Rematch: The Giants Return to Kansas City

Danville, Kentucky -- There is no feeling more disturbing than the familiar becoming foreign. I think it was the spring of 2009. I was exhausted after a long day of working at the tire factory, and eager to go home and recuperate. But when I got home, the fridge was empty. I had eaten my last pepperoni Hot Pocket® for breakfast. Grudgingly, I went back to my car and headed to a nearby McDonald's.

McDonald's is great because it's familiar. McDonald's is a pillar of stability in a fragmented world torn asunder by the forces of globalization, the decline of the conventional nuclear family, ideological polarization, and forcible secularization. The connective glue that once held society together has disappeared. All the old institutions that once gave a man certainty -- the church, the union, the Blockbuster video store -- are all gone. Yet, a man can find comfort in the knowledge that at McDonald's, you can get the same burger in Danville as you can in Marmet, Flint, Bakersfield, and Deerfield. Or you could, at least.

That evening in the spring of 2009, I walked into McDonald's; but I didn't recognize what I saw. Apple slices. Side salads. Carrots. Parfait. Cucumbers. Sandwich wraps. Oatmeal. It dawned on me how long it had been since I had last been to a McDonald's. In a few short years, McDonald's went from being an unabashed all-American staple, to a weak-kneed Panera-wannabe. McDonald's was great because it had a formula: tasty food served quick for a cheap price. It wasn't healthy, but that wasn't the point. In attempting to cater to health-conscious liberals, McDonald's forgot what made them great.

No thanks, McCommunists.

Folks, for a while it looked like the Royals forgot what made them great as well. I felt a similar sensation -- that disconcerting vibe when something familiar feels foreign -- when I watched the 2017 Kansas City Royals. The 2015 World Champion Royals were great because they played their brand of baseball. They stole bases. They bunted. They played great defense. They made productive outs. They did the little things. They went to third base on a single. They put up runs without hitting dingers. It was Royals baseball, and they were proud of it.

The 2017 Royals had an abysmal 2-6 start because they forgot this formula. They were without Jarrod Dyson, the teams's swaggering id, and one of their primary threats on the base-paths. They uncharacteristically signed Brandon Moss, a lumbering slugger who had previously been their sworn enemy as an Oakland Athletic and Cleveland Indian. They traded elite closer Wade Davis for some kid from the Cubs who hits dingers and can't play defense. Their once invincible bullpen was a shadow of its former self, giving up runs in bunches in the late innings. The Royals looked out of their element, like a fruit salad at a burger joint. Until one man stepped in.

With two dominating starts, Jason Vargas got the Royals back on the winning track and stopped their season from being smothered in the cradle. So far this season Vargas has been the unquestioned ace of the Royals staff, besting even the beastly Danny Duffy. His most recent start -- a 7.2 inning, 8-strikeout, 4-hit performance against the Oakland Athletics -- not only put an end to a horrific losing streak; it put Vargas firmly in the Cy Young conversation. That's no small feat for a man recovering from Tommy John surgery. On a pitching staff that is now full of mercenaries like Ian Kennedy and Chicago Cubs castoffs, Jason Vargas is an anchor of familiarity, a reminder of the glory days when guys like Jeremy Guthrie and Bruce Chen were mainstays of the Royals rotation.

Embed from Getty Images

Folks, some familiarity is just what the Royals needed. Thanks to Vargas, the Royals are looking like their old selves, having clawed back to the .500 mark after that awful start. That momentum is a good thing, as the San Francisco Giants -- their rivals from the 2014 World Series -- come to town for some inter-league action. On Wednesday, Mr. Vargas will square off against Madison Bumgarner, the man who single-handedly thwarted the Royals' World Series hopes that autumn. Although Bumgarner's reputation as a postseason God was tarnished this past fall when he ran into the Cubs buzz-saw, nobody in Kansas City has forgotten what he did in 2014: 3 games, 20 innings, 1 run.

Vargas doesn't usually crack baseball's list of dominant lefties: Clayton Kershaw, Madison Bumgarner, Chris Sale, David Price, etc., etc. After a couple more starts and a chance to prove himself against a hated rival, that will change. And when it does, the league better watch out.

Not the End of the Line: Omar Infante for Tigers Opening Day Center Fielder

Danville, Kentucky -- It's easy to forget what a marvel trains are. Before Al Gore's internet, before Dwight Eisenhower's interstate highways, before Henry Ford's Model-T, only railroads connected Americans to one another. America's system of rail transportation has roots dating back to the First Transcontinental Railroad of the 1860s, a marvelous but loose network of train tracks that connected the country's breadbasket to the western frontier and the still fledgling settlements on the Pacific coast. Before the dawn of the railroads, America didn't have time-zones. Life was isolated, parochial, and pastoral. The emergence of railroads made every corner of the continent accessible and revolutionized our way of life.

Folks, in the summer of '75, there was nothing better than hopping aboard a train and seeing how far it would take you. One hot, smothering day in July of that summer, I was feeling particularly defeated. The bitter taste of the Watergate scandal was still depressing my spirits. An oppressive tax code and restrictive land use ordinances were hindering my dream of opening Danville's first ever combination sports bar and daycare center. I needed to see the world beyond my humble Danville abode. I longed for the sense of adventure that my ancestors must've had as they broke fresh ground in the New World and explored the vast and uncivilized frontier lands. So I headed down to Louisville's historic Union Station. I took a train to St. Louis. Then Fort Worth. Then El Paso. I took train after train after train till I ended up in Salt Lake City, Boise, and finally Reno.

Several hundred dollars worth of train tickets and a few weeks later, there were no more trains left to ride. No more sights I hadn't seen. Unlike my ancestors who were lured out west by the promise of unexplored land and new challenges to conquer, by 1975 all the blank spaces on the map had been filled in. I didn't find adventure or new beginnings out west; all I found was a gang of bikers that jumped me and left me for dead in the desert after a misunderstanding over gambling. I can still feel the coarse sand in my beard and the midday sun beating down upon me as I laid there in Nevada's barren wastelands, my face in the dirt. I can still smell the scorched dusty earth. I can still taste the sand. It tasted like the end of the line.

Many folks are saying that Omar Infante has reached the end of the line as well. The thirty-five year old second baseman from Puerto la Cruz, Venezuela certainly seems to be past his prime, a relic of a bygone era of baseball, an anachronism like the idea of riding trains in 2017. He has had a storied career. Since making his debut with the Detroit Tigers in 2002, he has played every position except pitcher, catcher, and first base. He's been an AL Champion four times: with the Tigers in 2006 and 2012, and the Kansas City Royals in 2014 and 2015. He's had a 7 RBI game, been a postseason hero, spun gem defensive plays, and done everything else under the sun. But last season he was unceremoniously cut by Kansas City, seemingly marking the end of the line for him.

But it wasn't to be the end for Omar. Al Avila's Detroit Tigers have brought Mr. Infante's career full circle by giving him a minor league contract with an invite to spring training, and one last opportunity to prove he belongs in the majors.

Omar has risen to the occasion, folks. He sports a massive .400 batting average so far this spring. Earlier today he netted a pair of doubles and RBI while turning several eye-popping defensive plays in the field. Omar's efforts to revive his career haven't gone unnoticed.

Omar Infante continues to impress. Two-run, two-out double puts Tigers in front 4-3. His second double today

— Chris McCosky (@cmccosky) March 12, 2017

Ausmus on Infante: "He certainly has the ability to still play baseball at the Major League level."

— Jason Beck (@beckjason) March 12, 2017

Barring injuries, Omar Infante probably won't make Tigers roster. It won't be for lack of defense. Has looked good all spring.

— Jason Beck (@beckjason) March 12, 2017

Yes, that is Omar Infante tearing it up for the Detroit Tigers this spring. #VoteOmar https://t.co/zJ5NKUpskB

— Jeffrey Flanagan (@FlannyMLB) March 12, 2017

I gotta believe Omar Infante can help the #Tigers as a super-utility type.

— Tony Paul (@TonyPaul1984) March 12, 2017

Detroit Tigers' Omar Infante showing he still belongs in majors https://t.co/wPT8Gc168V via @freep @Tigers

— George Sipple (@GeorgeSipple) March 8, 2017

In spite of Omar's monstrous spring training output, the Tigers won't commit to giving him a roster spot for the regular season. That's a mistake, folks. The Tigers need to think outside the box. Mr. Infante is thinking outside the box. He suggested that he'd like to play center fielder for the Tigers.

let's go. #VoteOmar pic.twitter.com/dpEU9MdYdV

— The Will To Win (@TWTWsports) February 20, 2017

The organization should take him seriously and give him a chance. Their season depends on it.

The Tigers' infield is set: future Hall of Famer Miguel Cabrera is a fixture at first base. Gold Glove winner Ian Kinsler will be the starting second baseman. Defensive specialist Jose Iglesias will be the starting shortstop, while up-and-coming slugger Nick Castellanos mans the hot corner.

The Tigers' center field situation is much less clear. Anthony Gose struggled in Double-A last year after being demoted for a clubhouse incident with Toledo Mudhens manager Lloyd McClendon. Tyler Collins has had unfortunate incidents of his own, and has not set himself apart in spring training. Recent acquisition Mikie Mahtook has had an abysmal spring training, sporting a .074 batting average. Youngster JaCoby Jones holds the most promise but probably needs some more seasoning in Triple-A.

Omar, on the other hand, is major league ready right now. Omar's offensive explosion in spring training has laid to rest fears that his bat won't play. His glove will play in center field too. He has a total of 609 major league innings played in the outfield under his belt, including 182.2 innings in center field. Even the most ardent stats-lover would have to acknowledge Omar is the man for the job:

[source: http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/i/infanom01.shtml]

He's never committed an error in center field. His fielding percentage in center field is a perfect 100%. Folks, that's a track record that none of the Tigers' other center field options have.

Omar is the center field solution the Tigers didn't even know they had. Omar's veteran presence, playoff experience, smooth glove and hot bat would solidify the Tigers' center field situation and give the team certainty heading into the regular season. Louisville's Union Station has laid dormant for several decades, but it's clear that this is not the end of the line for Mr. Infante. It's up to the Tigers to let Omar aboard, lest he ride off into the sunset with one of their competitors.

Too Big To Fail: How to Fix the 2017 Royals

Danville, Kentucky -- The Kansas City Royals -- the once proud franchise which shocked the sporting world by winning the 2015 World Series in Cinderella-story fashion -- are at a crossroads. Dayton Moore and the gang can buckle up for one more run at a championship with the current roster, or begin the long and painful process of rebuilding. The current iteration of the Royals is not without its share of talents. Yet, the team faces an uncertain future. To explain Kansas City's predicament, allow me to make a meandering political analogy.

In winter of 2012-2013, the United States government was rapidly hurtling towards a disaster called the "Fiscal Cliff." The Obama administration and Congress were tasked with crafting a budget agreement by 12:01 am EST on January 1, 2013, lest a series of draconian spending cuts and tax increases be automatically implemented. Analysts warned the cumulative effect of these measures could be enough to jolt the economy and ruin everyone's Christmas break.

Kansas City is rapidly heading towards what I dub the "Contract Cliff." On the surface, the team looks good. Most of the core that won a World Series in 2015 remains intact. The Royals have the best catcher in baseball not named Buster Posey. They have a top tier bullpen, led by lock-down guys like Joakim Soria. Yet, catastrophe lurks around the corner. The following players are set to become free agents after the 2017 season:

• 2016 All-Star Game MVP Eric Hosmer
• 2015 ALCS MVP and lead-off hitter Alcides Escobar
• Shift-beating slugger extraordinaire Mike Moustakas
• Highlight reel machine Lorenzo Cain
• Speedster Jarrod Dyson
• Danny Duffy, the team's unquestioned ace and rotation anchor
• Cyborg closer Wade Davis

Folks, that ain't pretty. Many of those dudes will make bank on the open market. Kansas City can't afford to keep them all. Once Kansas City heads over the Contract Cliff after the 2017 season, it could be ugly. The franchise could head into hibernation, like it did from 1986 to 2012.

What is to be done?

Some are suggesting a controlled demolition of the current roster. The idea would be to trade valuable assets in hopes of restocking the farm system and shortening the rebuild. Dayton Moore may be on the cusp of implementing this strategy.

Trade for Davis could happen this week, according to @nickcafardo. https://t.co/t0HJVd1wxi

— Royals Review (@royalsreview) December 4, 2016

Folk, selling off the Royals' best players is a worse idea than selling off your gold shares now that Trump is president. Here's how to build a Royals team that can win the World Series in 2017:

1) TRADE YORDANO VENTURA

Folks, most of the blame for the Royals' disappointing 2016 season can be laid at the feat of hot-head maniac Yordano Ventura. The kid has had a Benjamin Button style career trajectory: with each passing year he becomes less mature and less useful to the team.

[source - baseball reference]

Folks, I'm no statistician, but Yordano's ERA looks bloated. More bloated than myself after the time I ate 32 boneless wings in one sitting to teach my nephew a lesson about persistence. Not only have Ventura's on-field results become disappointing; he's a clubhouse nightmare, driving a wedge through a team that once rode its cohesive chemistry to a World Series title. The kid is more belligerent than John Bolton. According to Sam Mellinger, he has even alienated his own teammates.

When Johnny Cueto left the team after the 2015 championship run, the team pinned its hopes on Yordano. Kansas City needed him to grow up and pitch like the ace he can be. He failed. Time for the Royals to move on and recoup some prospects if they can. Ventura still has trade value; he can throw really hard. Trade him to a team like the Tampa Bay Rays that cares more about velocity and fastball spin-rate than chemistry.

2) SIGN BILLY BUTLER

With Kansas City having recently let "Cuban Breakfast" Kendrys Morales walk, it's time for the team to loosen their belts and dig into a Country Breakfast. The Royals need a DH. I would've preferred that they bring back former Royal and future Hall-of-Famer Carlos Beltran, but those pesky Houston Astros beat them to it.

The Royals need a man who can drive in runs. Billy can be that man. His batting average rebounded bigly last season -- a 33 point bounce from .251 in 2015 to a very respectable .284 in 2016. Billy's talents were wasted with the dead-end Oakland Athletics, but after a change of scenery he thrived. As a Yankee, Billy went 10-for-29 and batted .344. Wow!

Billy Butler hit 20+ home runs as recently as 2012, when he was an All Star and Silver Slugger. The Royals have always been able to play small ball; picking up Beefy Bill would let them bomb with the big boys too. It's a no-brainer to me, folks. Bring back Billy.

3) TRADE FOR CLAY BUCHHOLZ

With Edinson Volquez gone, the Royals need some starting pitching depth. The Boston Red Sox have made 2-time All Star Clay Buchholz available. Clay looked strong when he delivered 4 innings of 2-run ball for Boston in the ALDS. Imagine him playing in spacious Kauffman Stadium with one of the best outfield defenses in baseball instead of Fenway Park, where pitchers go to die. It would be foolish to not kick the tires. Make it happen, Dayton.

4) GET BACK TO BASICS

Folks, the Royals didn't win in 2015 because they had a large payroll or flashy free agent acquisitions. In fact, during the team's reign of dominance over the American League, they made a habit of embarrassing higher payroll teams that tried to buy their way to titles. The Royals thrived because they were a tight-knit group of buddies who had fun playing ball together.

That was all ruined last off-season. Last Winter, the Royals became too big to fail. The team lost sight of its underdog mentality by signing mercenaries like Ian Kennedy and inflating its payroll. Even Alex Gordon got greedy by demanding a massive contract instead of taking a hometown discount. Folks, this toxic culture needs to be changed.

The Royals play best with a chip on their shoulder; it's hard to play with a chip on your shoulder when you're lugging around the weighty expectations that come with a ludicrous $110,914,525 payroll instead. Shedding payroll would go a long way towards helping the Royals regain the insurgent attitude that served them so well in 2015.

CONCLUSION

Folks, the Contract Cliff is coming for the Royals, whether they like it or not. In a year's time, Eric Hosmer will be wearing pinstripes, Mike Moustakas will play for Billy Beane, Danny Duffy will wear Dodger Blue, and Wade Davis will be Boston's latest declining closer. Time waits for no man, yet the Royals still have one more shot at Autumnal Glory in 2017. The Royals can still contend if they keep the band together while bringing back some old faces like Billy and some new faces like Clay. The reports of the Kansas City farm system's death have been greatly exaggerated. The Royals have tons of promising young talents like Raul Mondesi, Christian Colon, Cheslor Cuthbert and Whit "DiMaggio" Merrifield. The team doesn't need to be blown up, just tinkered with.

The Royals core has one more summer together before they go their separate ways. 2017 will be like senior year of High School for the Royals, a team that has journeyed from the quiet plains that the Omaha Storm Chasers call home to the heights of major league glory. Most of these guys have known each other since their days in the minors. Everything that the Royals have accomplished they have accomplished together. But after next summer, these boys will become men. They'll be free agents with divergent paths laid before them. But all is not lost yet. If Dayton Moore plays his cards right, the Kansas City Royals can have one last victory lap before they drive off the Contract Cliff and into the sunset.

The Royals Must Re-Acquire James Shields

Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, few experiences are as magical as reuniting with a childhood friend. In 1999, the stars aligned for a chance meeting between myself and my childhood best friend, Rhett. Rhett and I go way back. As kids, we'd play stickball out in an old alley on weekends. As teenagers, we rose through the Danville baseball system together, eventually playing together in High School. Rhett was reliable both on and off the field. Rhett was the best 3rd baseman a pitcher like myself could ask for. I could rack up Ks by reaching back for 89 miles-per-hour in a pinch, but more often than not I trusted Rhett and my other teammates to convert batted balls into outs. Rhett dutifully manned the hot corner behind me for years, including during my no-hitter. When I encountered Rhett at an old Danville watering hole one day in the Winter of '99, I was dumbstruck. We talked for hours over watery beer and pretzel crumbs, about our life ventures that worked and the many more that didn't. Our lives had come full circle.

The World Series Champion Kansas City Royals™ have a chance to bring their story full circle by making a man from their past part of their future. Unfortunately for the good-natured, barbecue-loving people of the greater Kansas City area, the boys in blue have stumbled out of the gates in their journey to re-retake the crown. As of writing this, they are second to last in the American League in runs scored, only 3 runs ahead of the lowly Twins. The Royals starting pitching staff eats innings like I eat kale, hummus, and other liberal foods: not at all. The Royals starting pitchers have pitched the 3rd fewest innings in entire MLB, beating only the Twins and my pathetic Cincinnati Reds. They trail both the Cleveland Indians and Chicago White Sox in the standings. Something needs to be done. Fortunately, there is a move the Royals can make to instantly fix these problems and boost their chances of appearing in their 3rd straight World Series.

Why the Royals Need Big Game James

The Royals need a man to anchor their rotation. They need a man to go deep into games to give the bullpen a rest and prevent the three-headed monster from blowing out their arms mid-season, Greg Holland-style. The Royals need James Shields. James taught the Royals how to win on their way to a World Series appearance in 2014. Now he can take them to winning post-graduate school. Big Game James has pitched more than 200 innings every year since 2007. In 2015, the only Royal pitcher to hit the 200 inning mark was Edinson Volquez. In the past, the Royals have had reliable innings eaters like Jeremy Guthrie, who pitched 200+ innings in 2013 and 2014. No such relief appears to be on the horizon in 2016. With playoff hero Chris Young and intriguing bounceback candidate Kris Medlen on the disabled list, the Royals need stability in their rotation. The Royals don't need the ace-level Shields of 2011-2014; the young Yordano Ventura and Ian Kennedy will eventually round into form to form a potent #1 and #2. Big James, a 10+ game winner every year since 2007, will be a stabilizing presence in both the clubhouse and on the diamond. 

Fortunately for the Royals, the San Diego Padres have a man who could fix Kansas City's run-scoring woes as well. Dayton Moore should inquire about proven slugger Matt Kemp, whose 29 RBIs so far in 2016 would lead the team were he to join the Royals (Salvador Perez has 21, while Eric Hosmer and Lorenzo Cain have plated 20 runs each). The Royals need a man who can drive in leadoff hitter Alcides Escobar and clear the bases with extra base hits. Kemp, who has already hit 10 home runs this year, could provide power hitting from a corner outfield position, which the Royals have lacked so far in 2016. Moreover, Kemp would offer insurance at the Designated Hitter position in case Cuban bomber Kendrys Morales continues to struggle. Importantly for the Royals, trading for Matt Kemp would solve their DH dilemma for years to come, as he is signed through 2019. I personally think the Royals should make a move for Billy Butler, but landing Big Game James and perennial MVP candidate Matt Kemp in one deal is more enticing than the Aussie Chicken Tacos at Outback Steakhouse.

Everyone knows to get something, you have to give something. It's true of divorce settlements and also true of baseball. What could the Royals offer baseball genius A.J. Preller and the San Diego Padres for James Shields and Matt Kemp? Unfortunately, the Royals don't have Wil Myers to offer this time around, although the Royals might inquire if Mr. Myers could be thrown into the deal as well. The Royals could start negotiations by offering Raul Mondesi; the Padres will need young power-hitting bats as they rebuild for the future, and Raul has shown he is determined to chug as much cold medicine as it takes to reach his dinger-blasting potential. 

CONCLUSION 

My own reunion with Rhett was not as magical as a potential Royals-Shields reunion would be. In 1972, Rhett left me awed by his ability to nimbly dance around the hot corner, converting hard-hit ground balls into outs. In 1999, he left me outraged and burning with jealousy when I discovered him dancing with my wife, singing romantic Barry Manilow songs together during a Karaoke night at Applebee's. I found myself crying into a plate of quesadillas and onions rings that night. But this sense of failure and inadequacy doesn't have to be the fate of the 2016 Kansas City Royals. If they pull the trigger to land Big Game James and Matt Kemp, the only rings they're likely to encounter will be of the championship variety. 

Shields & Kemp: the 2016 Royals saviors

Alcides Escobar Must Bat Lead-Off

Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, it didn't take long, but the spreadsheet gazers of the world are already questioning the wisdom of World Series Champion™  Ned Yost. Overreacting to a couple of games of lukewarm offensive production in April, folks are calling for ALCS MVP Alcides Escobar to be demoted from the lead-off spot of the batting order. The calls are growing louder and louder.

Royals have left 300 men on base tonight, oh and Escobar is NOT a leadoff hitter Ned!!!!!!

— Rob - Vegas34 (@RebelRob34) April 28, 2016

Even Omar is a better leadoff hitter than Escobar.

— Adam (@barretta816) April 28, 2016

Escobar should not be batting leadoff. Cute story in the playoffs. Get serious.

— Brian (@BrianMcGannon) April 28, 2016

For the love of God, get Alcides Escobar out of the leadoff spot. #Royals

— Ryan Landreth (@ryan_landreth) April 27, 2016

The fine folks at Baseball Prospectus KC are demanding it. Some dude from Topeka is demanding it. Even Jesse Newell, a great man and lover of Kansas Football, has criticized Mr. Escobar. But they're wrong.

It's a bigger over-reaction than the Dodd-Frank legislation passed by Congress in the aftermath of the '08 financial crisis. Like Dodd-Frank, any rash decision to displace Esky from the top of the Royals' lineup would both stymie productivity and introduce massive uncertainty.

Let's look at the likely alternatives, for starters.

JARROD DYSON

Folks, I love Jarrod. The man has speed. The man has swagger. He isn't afraid to bunt, steal, and stunt on fools; an all around nasty old-school player with an attitude that's hard to come by in the age of moneyball. However, putting Dyson in the lead-off spot makes no sense. Keeping Dyson's lefty bat in the #9 spot, Esky's righty bat in the #1 spot, and lefty Moose's bat in the #2 spot gives opposing managers headaches when it comes time to make late-game relief pitching changes based on righty/lefty match-ups. That's a huge edge for the boys in blue. Moreover, Dyson is right at home in the #9 spot -- it's like having a second lead-off hitter after the 1st inning. Dyson is putting up great numbers from the #9 spot this year, and looks very comfortable. It would be unwise to move Dyson away from a role where he is currently excelling.

ALEX GORDON

Putting Alex Gordon in the #1 spot would be a real Terry Francona move. Francona recently promoted DH Carlos Santana to the lead-off spot, citing his ability to get on base via plate discipline and walks. Terry Francona's team, the Indians, are currently in 3rd place. There's a reason why Ned just won a World Series while Terry is most well-known for running the Indians into the ground for several straight seasons. Folks, I know Gordon has a shinier OBP than Esky. But leadoff hitters aren't supposed to chase walks and clog the bases. The top of the lineup needs to be quick, and put the ball in play. Do the Royals win Game 1 of the 2015 World Series if Esky draws a walk instead of hitting a first-pitch inside-the-park home run? I doubt it.

I love Mr. Gordon. But he Ks too much for the lead-off spot, and the Royals need Gordon's power bat lower in the lineup, where he can drive in runs. Don't move Gordon. OBP is overrated. Give me a quick guy who can put the ball in play any day.

OMAR INFANTE

Folks, I'd defend Omar to the death. He's got more World Series experience than just about any player in baseball not on the San Francisco Giants. But Omar is a doubles machine. The Royals need Omar's doubles later in the batting order, to cash in base-runners and score runs.

CONCLUSION

Being a baseball player is just like any other job: a man needs certainty. I once worked on an oil rig. I loved drilling black gold, and I was damn good at it. I had great hand-eye coordination and could implement the drilling plans our petroleum engineers drew up, no matter how complicated or risky. But if you had changed my role -- taken away my job as a driller, and made me a Service Unit Operator, for instance -- I'd have failed miserably. I just don't know how to read and interpret all those thermometers, gauges, and pressure indicators, folks. A baseball team is like an oil-rig: it's a finely-tuned machine. You can't go switching key parts of a machine willy-nilly, unless you're trying to cause Deepwater Horizon 2.0. You could inadvertently destroy the entire chemistry of the Royals lineup if you take Esky out of the lead-off spot.

Alcides Escobar is an MVP, an All-Star Game starting shortstop, and a fantastic lead-off man. You'd have to have a very short memory to flirt with removing Esky from a role he thrives in.

Do these people not remember Alcides' clutch single in the 8th inning of ALDS Game 4, which kept the line moving and ultimately led to a season-saving rally?

Have the critics forgotten about Escobar's RBI single in the 3rd inning of ALCS Game 1, which ended up being the only run the Royals needed in a 5-0 victory?

What about Esky's sublime bunt single in the first inning of ALCS Game 4, setting the table for a Ben Zobrist 2-run bomb? That's prototypical lead-off man stylings, folks.

The first-pitch inside-the-park homer wasn't even Esky's finest offensive contribution in last year's World Series. Don't forget his RBI single and RBI triple in World Series Game 2. Or his RBI double -- a crucial insurance run -- in the decisive Game 5 of the 2015 World Series.

In the past two postseasons, Mr. Escobar has posted a .311 batting average, with 9 doubles, 3 triples, and 14 RBI. He's earned his spot as the lead-off hitter.

Fortunately, Ned is a man with patience. Ned knows that if Esky was good enough for the World Champion 2015 Royals, he'll be good enough for the 2016 Royals too. Just give him time. Don't mess with something that works. Batting Alcides Escobar at the top of the Royals lineup made Kansas City great. Those that want to make Kansas City great again should hope he stays there.

Two Against One Ain't Fair: Why Cruz and Kasich Are Sore Losers

Danville, Kentucky -- In Fifteenth Century Europe, good friends were hard to come by. The Teutonic Knights, a scrappy band of warrior-monks, found this out the hard way. After this gritty, young Catholic military-religious order got screwed in Papal Court, they tried to assert control of the Daugava River by force, launching an invasion of Poland in 1409. Thus began the Polish–Lithuanian–Teutonic War. It should’ve been a historic triumph for the Teutonic Order and its faithful adherents; but the treacherous Poles, with their backs against the wall, teamed up with the Grand Duchy of Lithuania – turning the tide of the battle. Defeated, and forced to pay war reparations to the Polish-Lithuanian usurpers, the Teutonic Knights never recovered their former glory and strength.

Jan Matejko, Bitwa pod Grunwaldem

In World War II, we saw a similar strategy at work. The Japanese, Nazis, and fascist Italians knew they couldn’t beat Uncle Sam by themselves. So they created an unholy alliance and plunged the globe into a Second World War.

It’s a tried and true strategy – it’s been deployed by Batman, Superman, and many other important historical figures. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em," they always say. It was most recently employed by LeBron James; when LeBron couldn’t win in his home city of Cleveland, he took his talents to Miami with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh – starting the NBA’s talent arms race, which is still distorting parity throughout the league.

The team-up strategy is especially dangerous when deployed in the democratic context – when Omar Infante of the 2015 World Champion Kansas City Royals™ was on the cusp of being democratically selected to represent the American League at Second Base, sabermetric nerds and opponents of egalitarianism across the nation pooled their votes to elect José Altuve instead. Democracy was subverted, and Omar was denied his rightful opportunity to play second base alongside the league’s finest. Folks, we can’t let what happened to Omar happen to Donald.

The common denominator: only losers team up when they can’t take down a winner by themselves. Lyin’ Canada Ted Cruz, he of JFK assassination fame, and Borin’ John Kasich, he of manufacturing job destruction fame, know that they don’t have the chops to beat Donald the old fashioned way. Neither one of them can get the required 1,237 delegates needed to clinch the GOP nomination. Yesterday, crybaby sore losers Cruz and Kasich officially announced they are teaming up to obstruct Donald.

I'm not opposed to teamwork or teaming up in the abstract. I team up with my nephew every Tuesday night, to vanquish mouth-watering appetizers and tantalizing entrees as a team. Nobody is a bigger fan of the Applebee's Two-For-Twenty than me. When I team up with my nephew at Applebee's, everybody wins.

Unfortunately for Cruz and Kasich, losers don’t win. Winners win. And Donald is a winner. Donald can’t be stopped – not by parliamentary tricks, contested conventions, liberal pundits, RINOs, or the Koch-Soros-Bush GOP establishment illuminati. Donald is unstoppable, with my internal polling projections predicting a landslide sweep of the remaining delegates, but the RINOs in Washington like Cruz and Kasich will stop at nothing to stop him. They don’t care if they destroy democracy and ignore the will of the people in the process. They can’t win, so now their sole mission -- democracy be damned -- is to stop Donald from winning. It’s a total loser move, folks. I know Ted Cruz’s dad was too busy trying to kill Kennedy to be a real father, but surely he taught his son that two against one isn’t fair? In the 2016 Republican primary, like 15th Century Europe, good friends are hard to come by.

Teaming up never pays off if you're a loser. Poland and Lithuania won control of the Daugava River, but the Teutonic Knights will be remembered as one of the coolest quasi-religious militias that medieval Europe ever knew. Germany, Japan, and Italy started World War II, but Uncle Sam finished it. After teaming up with Bosh and Wade, LeBron left Miami with his tail between his legs and only two NBA championships. The unholy alliance of sabermetric nerds stopped Omar Infante from playing in the All Star Game, but they couldn't stop Kansas City from taking the crown. Nothing will stop Donald from taking the crown, either.

@realDonaldTrump Donald, the establishment is circling the wagons. But it's too late to stop you! https://t.co/31yOkAl9wu

— The Will To Win (@TWTWsports) April 25, 2016

@realDonaldTrump if Cruz + Kasich would team up to solve REAL problems, we'd have happy vets and no illegals! https://t.co/31yOkAl9wu

— The Will To Win (@TWTWsports) April 25, 2016

Free Billy Butler

Danville, Kentucky - Blockbuster Video stores are an artifact of a different America from an era long gone. An America where good manners, family-friendly entertainment, and face-to-face interaction were still valued. A man could take his son out for ice cream, then stop by the old neighborhood Blockbuster to rent a Nintendo 64 game and a VHS or two. Over the course of a summer, the underpaid teens working behind the counter became like family. They'd learn your favorite actors, your genre preferences, and stylistic tastes, offering you movie recommendations far more helpful than a Netflix algorithm. Best of all, Blockbuster was a truly communal experience. It gave me a feeling in my heart warmer than any fireball shot when I popped a VHS into my cassette player: if the previous renter had rewound the tape, it was a small gesture of brotherhood that made the whole rental process worthwhile. Folks didn't have to rewind the VHS -- they could free-ride and just pay a fee or something -- but taking the time to actually do so was an act of good Blockbuster citizenship that gave me faith in the American dream.

For these reasons and more, I used to love Blockbuster. Until one summer day in the late 90s. It was a July day like any other. I had just hopped into my '69 Ford with my youngest son, and taken him to Blockbuster. He returned a rental copy of Ken Griffey, Jr.'s Slugfest, a fantastic Nintendo 64 game. I told my son to pick out another video game, and proceeded to mull over my own viewing options. It was a familiar situation: internally debating whether to rent My Dog Skip or For Love of the Game. Unemployed and divorced, I was in the mood for a good cry, and knew one of these two movies would get the job done.

I was just about to make a decision, when my third wife and her new boyfriend entered Blockbuster to return a movie of their own. Feeling alienated and bashful, I hit the floor like it was a "stop, drop, and roll" fire drill, trying to avoid being seen. As I laid on the floor of the Danville Blockbuster, in the middle of the action/thriller isle, the coarse carpeting began to irritate my skin. Yet, nothing would irritate me more than what I overheard next. The friendly neighborhood kid working behind the counter asked my third wife and her boyfriend if they re-wound their copy of Notting Hill.

My third wife's new boyfriend said no. He broke the unwritten rules of Blockbuster; the social contract that was the connective glue of this fragile community of movie-lovers, united only by the mantra: Be Kind, Rewind.

Billy Butler is a man who wants to rewind. A man who wants a second chance. A man on the short list of great ballplayers who should be considered honorary members of the 2015 World Champion Kansas City Royals™. Like Big Game James Shields, Brandon Finnegan, Raul Ibanez, and the elusive Josh Willingham, Country Breakfast helped guide the Royals to greatness in 2014 but didn't get to share in the glory of their 2015 World Series win. Billy could only watch from afar as the organization he grew up in won it all without him.

To the players, organization & ESPECIALLY the fans of KC: #Crowned never looked better! Congratulations 2015 World Champions Royals! @Royals

— Billy Butler (@BillyButlerOAK) November 2, 2015

Billy Butler should've been there in Queens on that November night, popping champagne and hoisting the championship trophy. As if being denied this catharsis wasn't enough pain for one lifetime, Billy Beane is now conspiring to rob Billy Butler of his one joy in life: hitting baseballs.

Demoted to a mere platoon bat -- only to be used against left handed pitching -- the Oakland Athletics have broken Country Breakfast's soul and spirit, reducing him to a lifeless shell of himself, like Jesse Pinkman in Nazi Todd's bare-life meth dungeon. Few things hurt more than knowing your ex-wife is dating a man not kind enough to rewind, but being denied at-bats by a fanatically sabermetric franchise is surely one of them.

Oakland Athletics, it's time to free Billy Butler. A man like him deserves to spend the twilight years of his career doing what he loves: hitting baseballs. Maybe Billy Beane doesn't appreciate a man born to knock in runs and rack up RBIs, but many teams still do. The hapless Cleveland Indians are still in need of a proven run-producer. Mr. Beane, give Mike Chernoff a call. Don't let a once-proud DH, who swatted 29 bombs and drove in 107 runs in 2012, spend the rest of his career withering on the bench. Don't let Billy go the way of Blockbuster: a desolate ruin of a once great dream.

The Ring That Got Away: TWTW's Royals @ Reds Preview [3-15-16 -- Spring Training]

Danville, Kentucky -- Folks, I don't usually write about Spring Training games. Spring is a time of renewal; of pitchers stretching their arms out, and batters learning to see the ball again after a Winter of baseball-less discontent. Baseball games played in March are very easy to dismiss as irrelevant compared to the grueling 162 game stretch that awaits. It takes a Spring Training game of special magnificence to prompt me to put down the margarita and pick up the keyboard and start writing about baseball.

Tomorrow's match-up between the Kansas City Royals and Cincinnati Reds is one such special match-up. Brandon Finnegan will toe the rubber for the Reds against his former team. To understand why I am about to spill serious ink on a baseball game played in Spring -- the season of Shamrock Shakes, March Madness, and Peeps -- we must return to the Autumn of 2014.

Finnegan's Finest Hour: The 2014 American League Wild Card Game

September 30th, 2014. It was a brisk Autumn night, with brown leaves littering the parking lot of the picturesque Kauffman Stadium, and a sold-out crowd that resembled an ocean of the most royal blue hue.

After early exits from Big Game James Shields and trade deadline hot commodity Jon Lester, the Kansas City Royals scored off of Oakland Athletics proven closer Sean Dolittle in the bottom of the 9th to tie the game at 7-7. The season hangs in the balance.

Enter Brandon Finnegan: the former TCU Horned Frog and first round draft pick who would go on to become the first player to appear in both the College World Series and the MLB World Series in the same year. The Irish flamethrower's work was cut out for him: he had to shut down the Athletics -- a team that had earlier been anointed prohibitive World Series favorites by the sabermetric crowd -- and give the Royals offense a chance to win. It was a situation that would've overwhelmed a lesser 20 year old.

Young Brandon remained calm, cool and collected, but his fastball was fire. He struck out three batters over 2.1 innings, putting the Boys in Blue in a position to win. After some 12th inning heroics from Eric Hosmer, Christian Colon, and Salvador Perez, the Royals had advanced to the ALDS, and the image of a Salvador's pulled ground ball just barely escaping the reach of a diving Josh Donaldson was now immortalized in the collective memories of Kansas City sports fans.

Thanks to many more strong outings from Brandon Finnegan, the Royals eventually reached the World Series later that Fall. The rest is history. After losing in 7 games to the eventual World Champion San Francisco Giants in 2014, the Royals became World Champions themselves in 2015.

But not every member of the 2014 Royals was around to share in the triumph of Kansas City's World Series victory in 2015. Brandon Finnegan was one such man.

March 15th, 2016: Finnegan Faces his Former Friends

As Brandon takes the mound to pitch against his former team, he'll remember the feeling when he received the phone call saying that he had been traded to the lowly Cincinnati Reds for eventual postseason hero Johnny Cueto. It was a mixture of shock, confusion, excitement, and even betrayal. Brandon will recall the feelings of trepidation as he donned the uniform of the AAA Louisville Bats, the finest baseball team in Kentucky. More than anything, Brandon will remember the Ring that Got Away: the ambivalent feeling of sadness and pride he felt as he saw his former teammates celebrate a World Series championship without him last October.

As Brandon walks out onto the field of Goodyear Ballpark, in the heart of Arizona, he'll observe his surroundings. There are no Autumnal colors to be seen today: just a clear blue sky and sandy stretches of golden desert in the background, topped with swaying palm trees.

Everyone knows in Spring Training that the process is more important than the product. Brandon will give up some hits, and perhaps even walk a batter or two, in spite of every Royal batter's earnest attempt to put the ball in play rather than improve their OBP. Wizened dugout general Ned Yost will be impressed by the young Irishman's command of his high-voltage fastball, and the late movement on his off-speed offerings. Regardless of what the box-score shows today, Brandon's MLB future is bright.

After the game, Brandon will share an expensive dinner with old friends from his Kansas City days, perhaps Mike Moustakas, Jarrod Dyson, or his old bullpen mentor Wade Davis. Brandon will slowly sip on a glass of Jameson Whiskey, watered down as ice cubes melt away, like Autumn melts into Winter which melts into Spring which melts into Summer. The crew will discuss other heroes of 2014 who didn't enjoy the triumph of 2015: Nori Aoki, the slap-hitting speedster who was the spark-plug in so many Royals rallies, and Billy Butler, the rotund designated hitter with a heart of gold.

If ever there was a person who deserved to win a World Series in a Royals uniform, it was Billy Butler, who was drafted by the Royals and stuck with the team through the good times and the unspeakably bad times. Country Breakfast was synonymous with Kansas City itself, like blues music or barbecue sauce. You may not remember, but Billy Butler actually had his own barbecue sauce. After being a lone bright-spot of excellence on 95-loss teams for most of his Royals career, Billy finally tasted postseason action in 2014. Billy savored the taste, and hungered for more, like an impatient child at IHOP. Yet, fate is often cruel and Billy also watched from afar as the team he helped nurture and mentor celebrated a World Series win in his absence. As Brandon ponders the tragedy of Billy Butler, the headstrong twenty-two year old will feel plucks of melancholy and nostalgia on his heart-strings as he fondly recalls his time in Kansas City.

Ultimately, Brandon's thirst for a ring will be his greatest motivator. Brandon was inches away from winning a ring in 2014, and was wrongfully denied a ring in 2015. When Brandon takes the field for the Reds in the upcoming 2016 campaign, he'll be competing to reclaim the Ring that Got Away. As a Reds fan, I eagerly await the opportunity to see this fine young arm pitch in the Great American Ballpark this summer.